Notices by Ben (thebreadmonkey@beige.party), page 2

Sex bot, sex bot, you're a sex bot.
Coming from dot social, why does this not make me shocked.

@blabberlicious @andymoose

This is positively pornographic

With all that is awful about everything I'm thrilled to report some people on Fedi are still able to surprise me with some of the mad things they're annoyed about

@photovotary

Lol. I don't mind this sort of thing! This is perfectly reasonable! I have a fork I despise. It's people who find fault in the innocuous. Like if someone says they like a picture of a flower and someone responds with something insane like...

'That flower is actually worse than Hitler because it's responsible for the near extinction of a slightly different native flower, like the invasive American signal crayfish, introduced to the UK for farming, now thriving in rivers and canals, outcompeting native white-clawed crayfish and carrying the deadly crayfish plague. Is that what you want? Crayfish Hitler? Is that what you want? The death of all plant life and river dwellers. You bastard!'

This wasn't a good example actually. It would have been easier for me to just say it was someone defending JD Vance by saying we shouldn't joke about him having sex with a sofa when he apparently actually didn't. Never mind it just being a bit of fun perpetrated against a person who is 89% lie - a person who is in effect sentencing people to death. I for one shall carry on making jokes about him. I don't think it goes far enough to say he had sex with a settee. I shall say he has sex with all furniture and is particularly fond of a wicker chair.

I don't mean to brag you guys but I totally just got out of bed

I'm not one to shame or question people's choices, ScreenRant, but how can you have any kind of meaningful relationship with 1606 partners? I don't think you can. Have more respect for yourself, ScreenRant. Everyone deserve love.

I shall publicly mock the shadowy televisual executives cynically attempting to exploit the popularity of Mortimer and Whitehouses Gone Fishing to lure unsuspecting audiences to their respective channels by prostituting out couples of old white men to just hang out in a funny way hung on some loose arbitrary premise. Martin Clunes and Neil Morrissey titting about in France. Hugh Dennis and David Baddiel’s Two Men on a Bike. But secretly....... Secretly I absolutely love it. Finally some representation for my demographic. Old straight white men. When is it my turn? Who wants to do a TV show with me? Ideally someone called Bill I suppose, for the hook. Or Phil at a stretch. Phil and Ben the Aldershot Men? I don't want to do a TV show in or about Aldershot. Phil and Bens Adventures on the Seine? That's better. Who wants to do a French boating holid- I mean tv program with me? If your name doesn't fit we can just make you up a new nickname. Like 'oh yeah we call him Bill because he cums after every meal' (I'm so so so sorry it was what my head came up with it is not my fault)

We call him Bill because he eats a lot of bread like a duck

Please Godzilla, come and save me from all of this

Hi, I'm Nicole! But you can call me the Fediverse Chick :D

For Ơ̶̼̺̮̭̹̂̈́̑͆̍͝ͅŲ̶͖̺̗̰̈́̌͝R̵̫͆͑ name is LḚ̸̡̨͌͂̅̌̑̈́͂ͅGIƠ̶̼̺̮̭̹̂̈́̑͆̍͝ͅN, and W̶̺̩̟͔̑̚E̶͇͋̐̈́̅̑ͅ are many

Some days be like

People *are* strange

New documentary claims The Doors icon Jim Morrison is secretly still alive
https://metro.co.uk/2025/03/14/new-documentary-claims-doors-icon-jim-morrison-secretly-still-alive-22725766/

I didn't know petrol station cashiers were so into coding 😎

Annoying little things - noticed one side of the cooker hood bulbs was out. Found a handy spare. Unscrewed a panel before realising it didn't need unscrewing but now can't get it back on. No problem put it to one side. Unscrew the bulb that feels a bit weird - glass bulb pops out away from the bulb screw casing which is now stuck in the hood. Argh! I assume I have to now locate and turn off mains power supply then find some pliers and get up there to work it out? Anyone have any experience of this one very specific situation that's never happened to me before in 4 and a half decades?

I am reminded once again of this, as I see more news about the UK government talking about cutting disability benefits. If you taxed the Sunday Times rich list 1%, you wouldn't have to make these cuts. If you taxed them 10% of their billions, there wouldn't even be any deficit.

IF THEY WERE TAXED AT THE 45% ON THE HIGHER BRACKET LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE, THEY WOULD GENERATE £357.75 BILLION FOR THE ECONOMY.

But I suppose cutting a couple of hundred quid from the poorest is probably the most sensible solution. Don't want them getting any ideas above their station. In the year 2025. 👍

https://www.news.co.uk/latest-news/the-sunday-times-rich-list-2024-is-out/

I receive approximately one billion emails a day about attending 'webinars'. I have never and will never attend a webinar. Can everyone please just stop it.

Good news, everyone. ChatGPT says you don't have to pay any more taxes. 👍

In the first QUARTER of 2024, Truth Social posted a loss of $327.6 million. I know that the purchase of Twitter wasn't really financial, but that has been valued at 80% of its purchase value. That's a loss - just disappeared into nothingness - of $34.6 billion. In the last two months alone, Teslas value has been wiped out, losing $655 billion. However SpaceX is up $140 billion in valuation due to new government contracts, but in total that still represents a massive overall loss.

I realise I'm preaching to the choir here, but if I lost £425 billion in two years (greater than the GDP of Austria, or 2 Hungarys, 3 Ukraines, 4 Slovakias or 5 Bulgarias), I'm not sure I would be the best person to speak to about financial efficiency.

Glad to see with all of the horrifying things going on in the world at least there are still scientists working on the important stuff

Is ranch dressing a liquid or a solid? It's actually a 5th state of matter
https://www.livescience.com/physics-mathematics/is-ranch-dressing-a-liquid-or-a-solid-its-actually-a-5th-state-of-matter

New devastating insult just dropped

There are enough microplastics in your brain to make an entire spoon
https://www.fastcompany.com/91289378/there-are-enough-microplastics-in-your-brain-to-make-an-entire-spoon