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   mekka okereke :verified: (mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 01:18:39 JST mekka okereke :verified:

   To be 100% clear: I didn't say that you must cut off family.

   I specifically said the opposite: that it's OK not to fight. I said that I get it that some people don't want to cut their Trumpy relatives off because that is really, really hard. I also said that leaving a toxic family can be a good choice.

   What I did say, is that if you aren't willing to do those hard things, don't you dare fix your fingers to hop online and blame Black people for anything.

   https://hachyderm.io/@mekkaokereke/113472251609271026

   1/N

   • Bill repeated this.
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     mekka okereke :verified: (mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 01:22:00 JST mekka okereke :verified:

     in reply to

     I specifically gave the positive example of Jesse Watters' mom, who clearly didn't cut her son off. But he's not invited to Thanksgiving. She's not playing the "Just don't talk politics!" game that so many people play at Thanksgiving, so that they don't have to reckon with who's a hateful bigot.

     I'm also pretty sure that Jesse Watters' mom isn't making excuses for her son, or cursing out Black men online like I got cursed out on this website before the election.

     2/N

     Tim W (admin (and human)) repeated this.
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     mekka okereke :verified: (mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 01:28:00 JST mekka okereke :verified:

     in reply to

     I had a friend in college who invited me to Thanksgiving. I said yes. She gave me a heads up that her grandma was "super old and from a different time, so she might say something racist." So I told her "Then heads up, your granny might be getting cursed out over the mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce." 🤷🏿♂️

     She was shocked, and asked if I was serious, and couldn't I just, y'know, ignore it? It's Thanksgiving!

     I told her KYP (Know Your Personnel). You should've known that won't work with me.

     2/N

   • Embed this notice
     mekka okereke :verified: (mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 01:31:53 JST mekka okereke :verified:

     in reply to

     The conversation devolved into nonsense about a different era, and me saying "Best I can do, is I'll curse her out like Malcolm Little would've or Huey Newton would've. I can even withhold the profanity and give granny the James Baldwin."

     But ultimately, I let her know that it was nonsense for her to even ask that of me, and that no, I'm not coming to Thanksgiving, because I would 100% break granny down with words. The peace of her Thanksgiving table is not my concern. Fighting racism is.

     4/N

     Valerie Aurora and Joachim repeated this.
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     mekka okereke :verified: (mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 01:36:27 JST mekka okereke :verified:

     in reply to

     A few days later, my friend's dad called me, and apologized that she had asked me that, and re-invited me to Thanksgiving, and said that I was 100% right, that I was welcome, and that his own mother was not, and that she could come only on two conditions:

     1) If I allowed her to come. It was my call.
     2) If she said anything ignorant during dinner, he would put her in the car, and drive her back to the nursing home, and she could eat her turkey on a paper plate alone.

     I accepted.

     5/N

     Rocketman, pettter, Matthew Lyon and Joachim repeated this.
   • Embed this notice
     Rejin (rejinl@masto.nyc)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 01:37:58 JST Rejin

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke Only people who know nothing about history can use the "she's from a different time" excuse. Lot's of "different time" people - even white people - were anti racist. Her granny chose not to be.

   • Embed this notice
     mekka okereke :verified: (mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 01:44:19 JST mekka okereke :verified:

     in reply to

     I'm not saying that what her dad did was easy! It is super hard! Trust me, I understand how hard it was!

     But this is what I mean when I say that I'm not that worried about nazis. Seriously, I think we pay them way too much mind. I'm much more concerned about the non-nazis I have around me when the nazis show up. I don't think we focus on them enough.

     People unwilling to endure social discomfort to oppose racism aren't bad people! But people who are willing? Are much safer to be around.

     6/6

     GreenSkyOverMe (Monika) repeated this.
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     Rasmus Lindegaard (rasmus91@fosstodon.org)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 01:46:52 JST Rasmus Lindegaard

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke

     Well its not like she is from a time where racism was morally right, and not evil.

     It was just a socially accepted evil, and that does in no way justify it.

   • Embed this notice
     Fifi Lamoura (fifilamoura@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 01:50:53 JST Fifi Lamoura

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke He's also modeling good behaviour for his own daughter and teaching her where boundaries need to be placed. I'm impressed!

     mekka okereke :verified: repeated this.
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     aburka 🫣 (aburka@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 01:55:50 JST aburka 🫣

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke what'd you say about the grandmother attending?

   • Embed this notice
     Ray? (demios@mastodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:03:26 JST Ray?

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke nah fuck that. It wasn't excusable back in that different time either.

   • Embed this notice
     mekka okereke :verified: (mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:05:19 JST mekka okereke :verified:

     in reply to

     • aburka 🫣

     @aburka

     I said she can come.

     https://hachyderm.io/@mekkaokereke/113476719614051401

   • Embed this notice
     elala@nrw.social (elala@nrw.social)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:05:56 JST elala@nrw.social

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke

     "I am completely indifferent to the fate of Nazis; whether they starve, freeze, wet the bed, have bad dreams, etc., is none of my business. What interests me about them is only one thing: that they are prevented from doing what they do if they are not prevented: threatening and, if possible, killing those who don't fit into their cigar box world." - Wiglaf Droste

     Translated with DeepL.com

     I was just thinking about him.😏

   • Embed this notice
     Louane CooIey (icooiey@mastodon.green)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:16:36 JST Louane CooIey

     in reply to

     • Fifi Lamoura

     @fifilamoura @mekkaokereke
     This also I think speaks to a problem women have of needing to be peace makers and perceived as nice. That’s a survival tactic, but needs context and nuance. My child took me to task for being rude to someone in public and I had to explain that their actions did not justify civility on my part and it was a disservice to others not to call them to account. Yes, being nice would be the easier, safer path. But not the right one.

     mekka okereke :verified: repeated this.
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     Giliell (giliell@mastodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:20:19 JST Giliell

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke I always tell people who go on about "different times" that it's ok, I'll judge them by my grandpa, who was born in 1921, a white working class man. They inevitably fail.
     I also told my father in law that he had a choice: using the n-word or be my guest, but never both. Imagine, he has been able to behavie himself ever since. Racist old relatives only dominate the conversation if the others let them.

     mekka okereke :verified: repeated this.
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     Heath Borders (heathborders@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:29:27 JST Heath Borders

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke I did something similar with fascists in my family. When invited to an event, I told the host that if the fascists were going to be there, and if they said something racist/fascist, I was probably going to ruin the event, and if they'd rather that not happen, I would not attend, and I gave them the choice. They chose not to have me attend, which told me all I needed to know.

   • Embed this notice
     mekka okereke :verified: (mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:36:26 JST mekka okereke :verified:

     in reply to

     • Amy (She/Her)

     @eco_amandine

     😮

     I should've known at "anarchist priest," that this story was going to be metal.

   • Embed this notice
     Amy (She/Her) (eco_amandine@mastodon.cr)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:36:27 JST Amy (She/Her)

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke my parents were married by an Spanish anarchist priest. There were some relatives on my father's side who were nazi collaborationists and the priest confronted them at my parent's wedding dinner 💪

   • Embed this notice
     Carolyn (cstamp@mastodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:42:20 JST Carolyn

     in reply to

     • Fifi Lamoura
     • Louane CooIey

     @IcooIey @fifilamoura @mekkaokereke Nice needs to be redefined. It never meant doormat, which is how it's often interpreted. Tolerating crap isn't being nice, it allows crap to thrive, and every time a person does that, they lose a little bit more of their soul.

   • Embed this notice
     Local Dad, Ben Hamill (benhamill@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:54:14 JST Local Dad, Ben Hamill

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke I wanted to thank you for writing that and this thread. While I'm not wandering the internet blaming Black people for voting... whatever way, it still made me reflect. And I'm still reflecting. I'm not sure what I want to do—let alone how to do it—but I think I need to have some hard conversations about some extended family members with some less-extended family members.

     So, yeah: Thanks for writing those words and putting them in the world. 💖

   • Embed this notice
     mekka okereke :verified: (mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 02:54:41 JST mekka okereke :verified:

     in reply to

     • Local Dad, Ben Hamill

     @benhamill

     ♥️L

   • Embed this notice
     Amy (She/Her) (eco_amandine@mastodon.cr)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 03:19:49 JST Amy (She/Her)

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke he worked with people who lived in the streets of Paris and had a bar to be close to them. I don't remember him but my dad loved him and his work. He was not an usual priest 😅

   • Embed this notice
     le_bleu (le_bleu@mamot.fr)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 03:28:07 JST le_bleu

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke 10 years ago, for my wedding, I invited all my cousins but 4 brothers that are racists. I invited their parents (who didn't come). My mother felt uneasy to tell her sister that not the whole family was not invited. When I explained I wanted to be sure my arab and black friend would have a nice party, she understood. "okay, he's far right, but he is nice and funny" is no way for me. Everybody enjoyed, no one had any regrets for not seing them (or no one told me).

     mekka okereke :verified: repeated this.
   • Embed this notice
     SevenOf-NEIN (dabonsteed@4bear.com)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 03:37:05 JST SevenOf-NEIN

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke

     "She's from a different time"

     No, she's not. She's not a time traveler plucked from then to now in an instant.

     Granny may have been BORN at a different time, but she's BEEN LIVING in this one for quite some time. She's lived through tons of changes and ignored them. All the ones the rest of us paid attention to. Well, there are consequences to ignoring the world around you. Especially for decades. 🤷♂️

   • Embed this notice
     Ornwen (ornwen@mstdn.social)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 03:48:24 JST Ornwen

     in reply to

     • le_bleu

     @mekkaokereke @le_bleu That’s the thing, I’ll bet 60% of the rest of family didn’t want to see the right wingers either but you’re the only relative with the guts to actually exclude them.

   • Embed this notice
     Inaya Shujaat عنايه شجاعت 🇳🇿🇵🇸 (inayashujaat@paktodon.asia)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 03:54:43 JST Inaya Shujaat عنايه شجاعت 🇳🇿🇵🇸

     in reply to

     • Fifi Lamoura
     • Louane CooIey

     @fifilamoura @mekkaokereke @IcooIey I’m teaching my daughter that the right path is to never play nice with assholes. Society thrives most when women are assertive and strong.

   • Embed this notice
     Locksmith (locksmithprime@infosec.exchange)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 07:08:58 JST Locksmith

     in reply to

     • Giliell

     @Giliell @mekkaokereke

     I once had a conversation with my mother, who lives in another country. At that time, that country was governed by a far-right mini-Emperor-Orange, and I was bashing the guy, while she was defending him. When I said that the guy resembled Emperor Orange, she agreed and said that she even liked Emperor Orange. I told her, and I was being sincere, that if she ever repeated that in front of me, that would be the end for us. She was scared to the point that she took it back and promised to "think it better", which of course I did not expect her to do.

     Our implicit agreement is as such. We talk, we have a relationship. If the subject of those people ever come up, in particular Emperor Orange, I will bash the heck out of him, of her, or anyone involved. Of course I accept being bashed as well for anything else. She has however not approached the subject since then.

   • Embed this notice
     mekka okereke :verified: (mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 07:13:15 JST mekka okereke :verified:

     in reply to

     • Poloniousmonk

     @Uair

     Slight difference: people too afraid to fight, or unable to fight, or not in a good position financially or emotionally to fight, are not necessarily bad.👍🏿

     But people who go out of their way to interfere with those who are fighting? Or criticize them for not fighting more? Or question the methods of fighting that are effective? That's the white moderate stuff. That's the "Won't call out my own racist siblings, but will yell at Black people online" sillyness that makes no sense to me.

   • Embed this notice
     Poloniousmonk (uair@autistics.life)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 07:13:16 JST Poloniousmonk

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke

     "People unwilling to endure social discomfort to oppose racism aren't bad people!"

     --This sounds like the "white moderates" that King identified as the real barrier to progress.

   • Embed this notice
     Misuse Case (misusecase@twit.social)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 10:27:54 JST Misuse Case

     in reply to

     • Georgimus Prime

     @mekkaokereke @georgeeyong My MIL is a Trump voter, but she’s been a reflexively Republican voter since she was naturalized (Cuban, you know).

     Cutting her off would mean forcing my husband to cut her off, and I’m not going to do that to him. I take full responsibility for my decision.

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     jeraldina????:python_logo: (ok_devalias@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Nov-2024 13:04:11 JST jeraldina????:python_logo:

     in reply to

     @mekkaokereke this specific framing helped me understand the deeper ties of power structures within all of this.

     As in, as a participant, one inhabits the power structure that those above you enforce, which means your defaults are necessarily skewed. You can hold your own values, but then excuse familial behavior because of closeness to power. Bc it's obvious, but it's unstated, which makes it insidious. You are required to disbelieve its existence. So you have to rationalize everything.