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PodunkPotato (podunkpotato@nicecrew.digital)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 16:38:02 JST PodunkPotato
I love it when a meme comes together.

In conversation about 6 months ago from nicecrew.digital permalink
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  ?? Humpleupagus ?? (humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 16:38:00 JST ?? Humpleupagus ??
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  I was there when the deep lore was created.
  
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  PodunkPotato (podunkpotato@nicecrew.digital)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 16:38:01 JST PodunkPotato
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  Hump knows what happened.
  
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  deeper waters (syrenka@nicecrew.digital)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 16:38:02 JST deeper waters
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  who doesn't? :blobheartcat:
  
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  deeper waters (syrenka@nicecrew.digital)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 16:53:27 JST deeper waters
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  and he's a wise elphant (i know) i've actually thought of reaching out to him about recent stuff. i've exhausted myself with thinking in circles and i just want a fresh take.
  either i'm craving same-mind confirmation or really needing to hear it from enough people that i find whatever the heck is missing within me to step away
  i'm trying to think about it like grief - who cares about the feelings, at some point, you can toy with denial and anger and bargain all you want, but you have to reach a point of acceptance eventually
  we don't always get closure, but to walk away from the possibility of it is grueling. time invested isn't wasted, but unless there is commitment, it is arguably a waste of time...
  
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  ?? Humpleupagus ?? (humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 16:53:27 JST ?? Humpleupagus ??
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  Don't dwell. You can't live life looking in the rearview mirror. The truth is that my memory is short. People are either in my life or their not. When they're not, I need not dwell on that decision or even remember why. If I made it, it was probably for a good reason. For those who remain, I need not worry about what you did or didn't do a month ago. Let's worry about today and the days to come.
  
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  ?? Humpleupagus ?? (humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 17:15:28 JST ?? Humpleupagus ??
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  That's why you have to choose mates carefully and also set boundaries early on. Most people don't understand personal boundaries and setting them is really an art.
  
  In an inimate relationship, physical and emotional violence is juvenile, and I don't stand for any of it, and I'm not someone else's savior. I
  
  There's no loyalty in a relationship if one person is disloyal. Dishonesty is disloyalty.
  
  I also don't put up with Kafka traps either. A Classic is when someone implies you're upset when you're not. If you say you're not, it's proof you're upset.
  
  There's a million other games people play too. I don't. And I'm not going to. I have clients. I've seen it all.
  
  My wife and I just get along. We're still hot for a each other after 20+ years, and spend nearly every moment together, waking and asleep. And I don't take her for granted, nor she I.
  
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  deeper waters (syrenka@nicecrew.digital)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 17:15:29 JST deeper waters
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  some of the earlier stuff (the eyeball pinching memes pertaining to loyalty) those fucking sting like hell because of guilt that i feel for how his little mind spins things and spins out. you can be loyal a.f. and it still doesn't matter if they're so broken they see fog no matter how new their shades (sigh)
  that's why it breaks me reading it. i've always been faithful (i'm wired that way) but when someone else spins out or gaslights or there's risk to safety, you start reaching out. doesn't matter that you have no no intention of crossing lines (and don't), their perception will always be skewed because of how things look when you reach out for help or others involve themselves wondering if you're okay and step in to protect
  
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  deeper waters (syrenka@nicecrew.digital)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 17:15:30 JST deeper waters
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  i'm not tupac, i'm not staring at the world through my rearview - i just don't want to give up on a complicated person, but i can't fight for us if he won't fight for him, you know what i mean? things got physical and scary and it's not the real him, it's his demons (his addiction). complicating factors with him serving time is just... icing, i guess. i can't focus on all of it 'cause there's a shit tonne, but that's the gist and ultimately the here/now...
  
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  ?? Humpleupagus ?? (humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 17:30:05 JST ?? Humpleupagus ??
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  To some extent, one has to be careful about the extent to which they involve others in their relationship.
  
  I'm not married to my mother-in-law, nor is my wife married to my mother. There are things that spouses have to figure out between each other.
  
  Involving others can cause the mutable to appear cardinal, and can brand the relationship in the eyes of the community with a mark that cannot thereafter be removed.
  
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  deeper waters (syrenka@nicecrew.digital)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 17:30:06 JST deeper waters
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  no, i know humps... i feel like pursuing it is against my better judgement and i don't want to fall into a trap. i've just been so gaslit i feel like i can't even tell fact from fiction anymore.
  loyalty is pretty simple to me too, but he had his insecurities and when things got a little out of control, people stepped into intervene and make sure i was okay. he still feels like this was betrayal. i won't bother with specs, but it was stupid.
  he got over things and realized his own behaviour ended up being the thing that brought others into our shit (when he couldn't handle himself/lacked self-control/got violent/etc). it wasn't me being unfaithful to him, it was be honouring my own safety. i didn't have to go through what he was putting me through alone. i didn't want to walk away/give up, but i had the right to speak to people about my safety, especially when they couldn't turn a blind eye any longer...
  
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  PodunkPotato (podunkpotato@nicecrew.digital)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 17:50:49 JST PodunkPotato
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  What's he on about now? Have him paint me a picture.
  
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  cjd (cjd@pkteerium.xyz)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 17:50:50 JST cjd
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  I love how Humpleupagus switches so fluidly between light hearted shitposting and extremely erudite commentary about managing human relationships.
  
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  ?? Humpleupagus ?? (humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 18:00:00 JST ?? Humpleupagus ??
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  And that's actually a sign to watch out for early on. If your woman is telling her friends and family everything and you're unable to put a lid on it, odd are ngmi.
  
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  lpheathen2 :verified: (lpheathen2@poa.st)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 18:00:01 JST lpheathen2 :verified:
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  @Humpleupagus @syrenka @trumpgpt @PodunkPotato @gnarley_boot I must say, you have sage advice. I don’t think most people realize how outside people influence their relationships. Including but especially family.
  also didn’t expect such wisdom from you. not that you weren’t capable, just never get to see such a good serious post from you.
  
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  deeper waters (syrenka@nicecrew.digital)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 18:00:14 JST deeper waters
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  he's a good el-phant ❤️ and totally agree, that's why i was so upset in the first place... him behaviour forced people into that dynamic. his aggression garnered that much attention from the people around me that i couldn't help but explain what the fuck was going on. i didn't want them calling the cops. at the same time, i can't deal with physical confrontation over his lack of awareness of how much of supply he smoked either. it was savage. the amount of people that got brought in and then trying to diffuse things after. not to mention some friends that were just, perhaps, a little overbearing, but things got crazy heated.
  and even this... this here now... like... part of me thinks this is an okay space to process stuff 'cause it's almost like a diary that only people who don't know you read... and then on the other hand i'm like... man, if things work out past this point... i might have to scrap everything just to start anew with him in ever possible way....
  and then that gets me thinking... am i totally nuts for even thinking something so volatile could ever work? can the love and loyalty i have for him be enough for him to want to heal the parts of him that are broken?
  are we enough or will drugs always be the preferred high?
  
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  ?? Humpleupagus ?? (humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 18:15:26 JST ?? Humpleupagus ??
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  People tend to return to their behaviors, so starting anew is tough.
  
  One thing to consider is whether you're part of the cycle or facilitating its oscillation. I'm not victim blaming. Just being real.
  
  While rare, every once in a while, I get dragged into some domestic matter for a client because he's either already a client on a business matter and I'm the guy he trusts, or some other big client wants me to take care of his good friend.
  
  One thing I always notice in those situations is the way both parties will make things worse by engaging in short term, dopamine seeking behavior. It's often a furious series of phone calls, emails, or text messages.
  
  When I see it, I use what air of authority I have to shut it down real quick. I smack clients around to make them better.
  
  Often, the other party will then escalate, because they expect a certain response to their behavior. When they don't get it, the ratchet it up. I have to keep the client stoic through this period until the behavior burns out.
  
  Tl:Dr if you're not changed, he's likely not going to change. Some behavior of yours could be a catalyst or a trigger. I'm not saying that's the case, but it has to be considered.
  
  On the otherhand, changing your behavior can result in temporary aberrations as the system reaches a new equilibrium.
  
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  lpheathen2 :verified: (lpheathen2@poa.st)'s status on Thursday, 06-Jun-2024 18:15:32 JST lpheathen2 :verified:
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  @syrenka @trumpgpt @Humpleupagus @PodunkPotato @gnarley_boot the only thing that will kick the habit is him. is if he has the strength to do it. that’s a situation I dont envy.
  
  In conversation about 6 months ago permalink
  
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