Notices by Mat B (twoclownseating@beige.party), page 2

It's 3am here.

I can't sleep but am going to try.

I'm still raging about being instructed to sack a wonderful employee today. NOT GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN MOTHERFUCKERS.

With all the drama today I was late getting a report to her. I apologised, I said it's been a hectic day. She was like, it's ok, I'll log on later tonight to finalise things, no problem.

I told her that wasn't necessary, it's my fault, do it tomorrow. But she insisted and did it late night anyway, no pressure from me, just trying to help. "I hope your day is better tomorrow".

What she doesn't know is, I'm trying to save her job so got waylaid, she just thinks I'm having a bad day and wants to help out, so is working at 11pm to make my life easier.

This is why I do what I do. I care for her, she cares for me.

Fuck, I'm so angry. But anger is an energy. Just use it right.

Sorry I'm tired and rambling. But fuck me if I'll go down without a fight.

I've had a proper, proper shit day at work. Some beancounting fuckwit in the US has decided sacking one of my team to "reduce headcount" would make a fucking spreadsheet look a tiny bit better for the end of year accounts. They've even helpfully suggested who it should be, despite having fuck all knowledge about what they do or who they are. Just a fucking number.

Fuck you motherfucker. I'm a wiley old cunt. I've been an undercover socialist in a corporate environment for 25 years and I will fucking wriggle the fuck out of this shit, and when I do, you're going on the fucking spreadsheet you corporate ghoul cunt. (Also, you thick fuck, she literally passed a professional qualification last week that I got the company to pay about 15 grand for, you tit).

I've been in a big company for years and (touch wood) survived all sorts of shit in a backstabbing corporate environment. My rules:

1) Be nice to everyone. Always if at all possible
2) Be helpful, even if it's not your responsibility to do so
3) Make friends in high places without being someone's bitch. The top brass should know who you are and give you a friendly nod or some chit chat around the office. If they're asking you to grass up your colleagues you got too close and you're getting burned one day
4) If you make enemies pretend you don't know they consider you an enemy (this is cast iron advice, they think you're stupid and always get sloppy trying to stitch you up. Lay your traps, carefully, with an innocent face and they'll literally hit the self destruct button)
5) Take care of your people. They are people. They have lives, families, worries. If Sandra is having a hard time, give her the day off and don't take it out of her holiday allowance. Nobody is keeping count so just turn a blind eye with a wink
6) Reward people's families if you can (this is solid gold management advice. Treat the family. Spot bonuses or whatever are good but if possible, in addition, purposefully pay for a meal with their significant other. Buy tickets for the Zoo or a theme park. Give their family something as a mark of appreciation, quality time together, recognition that often they bear some of the brunt of your employees job. I learnt this on the receiving end 20 years ago and because it was genuine it has stuck with me ever since. Recognition and appreciation of the wider impact work has on people's lives beyond the workplace is so important, because people appreciate being seen as people, not fucking numbers on a spreadsheet)

Do you like

Lego?
Star Wars?
Christmas?

This is the Fediverse, you probably like at least two of these.

The Eldest received this today.

Inspired by a nice evening with my lovely Young Team and Mrs B, here's a reminder to make the most of the good times, in a Ska stylee.

RIP Terry Hall 🇧🇧

The Specials - Enjoy yourself it's later than you think

Just in case anyone was thinking of using this phrase, please be aware the Youngest does appear to have established "you horrible old man" as a catchphrase, and you may be subject to legal retribution.

@Fragglemuppet

I think what I was trying to convey is a weird change of dynamic for me. LIke you, my words travel much more now.

On Twitter I was a tiny nobody who didn't really say anything. On here I found a voice and people to talk with, so I talk openly. It's not Pokémon, I'm not trying to collect people or numbers/stats, it's not a game or a competition, I'm just having a chat.

But occasionally I stop and realise I'm not just talking to a small group of friends, what I'm saying will hit over a thousand people (if they read or not is unknown) and if certain friends boost it, my silly thoughts will reach tens of thousands of people.

If they read it or not I can't know, but the words I type can really travel, and once they leave me, I have no control over them or how they are received.

I give zero fucks about numbers here.

I didn't care there, and wasn't trying.

Here, now, it's just me talking.

And that's the way I want it, because it was never like this before.

I want to make you happy, not sad, if you're reading this or anything I write.

I'm not a robot, but really fucking sound like one right now for some reason.

This popped up in my photos, I took this in an antique shop in 2016. A vintage novelty Minnie Mouse telephone that I very much regret not buying.

Note on the label says repair to left wrist 👀

Getting in early to wish all the USA Fedifolk a very Happy Thanksgiving, however you choose to celebrate.

May your MAGA relatives have car trouble or cancelled flights 😉

Daphne was unimpressed, even a bit dismissive of the giant onion. I don't think she appreciates me using her head as a comparison for scale.

Bit of advice folks. Only open one can of worms at a time.

No matter how much you like worms.

"When the inventor of the USB stick dies, they'll lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, and gently lower it again."

@swisslet @TheBreadmonkey @greem @BenCotterill @purplepadma

I tell people I left Twitter because that creepy bloke took over, but the truth is my smart washing machine got more followers than me and started making sarcastic quotes tweets from my posts, so I rage quit.

I put Tesco brand washing powder in one day and it changed our WiFi password out of spite.

This time last week I boarded a flight home from France, on my own and a bit jaded, sat in an aisle seat. Across the aisle was a lady with a little girl of about 18 months old sat on her lap.

I'm a broody old fella, love kids but, you know, particularly on my own without Mrs B, I'm a bit reserved so I just ignored the little one who was staring at me constantly. Eventually I cracked. I gave her a little smile and winked at her (fuck knows why but I often wink at tiny kids, like I'm breaking cover from being a po faced old man, don't tell anyone but I'd rather spend my time chatting to you than dealing with all the big folks).

That was it. She beams at me, with all 4 of her teeth, and starts giving me an uncordinated little wave, which attracts Mums attention and a smile in my direction. I wave back.

Delighted, now I'm getting the even more uncordinated hand claps. Mum says this is her newest trick and we indulge and encourage her, she's having a whale of a time (so am I but I can't show it too much because somehow that's a bit weird).

We all settle in and go back into reserved adults surrounded by strangers mode, but for the next 2 hours I could feel those little eyes trained on me waiting for another wave. Eventually we got to wave goodbye.

Sorry little one (I'm pretty sure she's not on Mastodon so won't see this), being an adult is weird and I would have gladly clapped along with you for two hours rather than stare at a screen because it's weird to just be nice.

Polystyrene

TL:DR - It's me going on about polystyrene

I'm not even sure what it is. Plastic, sort of. Soft but firm. It's like the lead of plastics. Doesn't really fit in.

Floaty. Very floaty. It can save your life in water. Respect it for that.

Doesn't taste of much, but I've chewed it and know its taste (you do too, admit it. You've chomped down on some polystyrene at some point).

Light as a feather but tough. Every stereo I've ever bought has been reinforced with it in transit, great job, until you need to throw it away. Bulky bastard.

Personally I've built things with it. The smell of lightly burning polystyrene is burned into my senses (inhaling the fumes may also explain a few things).

The balls. Oh the balls. The most fascinating aspect of polystyrene. Break it up and it turns into tiny balls. I've also had a lot of experience of it in its native ball format via beanbag adventures. A true force of nature in that state.

Static. Nobody has been more attracted to me than polystyrene balls are. They're like Pepe Le Pew, the more you push them away the more they are attracted to you. Forget wind farms and nuclear energy, harness the static off polystyrene balls.

I have a single polystyrene ball that was part of an artwork, owned by a very famous collector, that I stole at an exhibition. Rough calculation, based on the sale price of the complete work at Sotheby's, that ball is worth about £150.

I'll stop now. But my fascination for polystyrene will live on forever, much like polystyrene itself.

I've said it before but I'll say it again. This is an incredible album. Folk, Classical, I don't know what.

Put it on and let it take you on a few wee journeys.

Magic. Ear magic.

https://sirom.bandcamp.com/album/the-liquified-throne-of-simplicity

I'm not sure if I join the dots in life too much but I definitely find weird patterns, themes or coincidences a lot.

Last Saturday I watched my eldest child perform their first music gig, went home and randomly found a video of the first time they started making music.

Today I looked for a lost sharp knife, couldn't find it then found a slightly mystical knife immediately after in random spot in the woods.

Kind of creepy, kind of reassuring.

@roadriverrail

The ultimate sliding into interstellar DMs.

Intergalactic Netflix and Chill.

No pressure ET, but the offers there. Get on your speak and spell if you want to hook up.

PS: That glowing finger is hot

TL:DR In the old days not everything was cynical

I don't want to sound like an old sod but two things close to my heart from the 60s and 70s are unimaginable in the modern age. Both examples were publicly funded, and the freedom and free thinking back then are almost impossible to comprehend in the modern day.

1) The NASA Voyager One probe Gold record. As a vinyl enthusiast this is like catnip to me. A record, made of gold, shot out into space (now flying beyond our solar system) etched with hieroglyphics of how to play the content of the disc for alien civilizations to interpret. Images of humans, directions to locate us and a selection of sounds representing the music of earth and brief, welcoming messages in dialects from across our planet.

A wholesome message in a bottle from Earth. No politics, no religion, no commercial interest, just reaching out to the cosmos. Hopeful. Strangely naive in a kind of cute way. Uncynical.

2) The BBC Radiophonic Workshop. A program where sound boffins, men and, unusually for the times, women, were basically paid and given resources to fiddle about making electronic sounds/music for the BBC. An experimental audio laboratory, publicly funded, with little to no agenda other than to produce audio for TV and radio. Delia Derbyshire (one of my heroes) created the original Dr Who theme which, to this day, is one of the most starkly original pieces of music produced in the last century. Nothing like it had ever been heard before. She made music and sounds that today are commonplace but in 1963, were revolutionary. Publicly funded, no commercial or political influence.

Nothing remotely like this had been heard by the general public, now we take it for granted.

Absolutely buzzing about the kindness shown here to help Eddie with his housing crisis.

You're good people, looking out for good people, and I'm proud to be amongst you all 🇧🇧