Notices by Bena Turner (thebreadmonkey@beige.party)

It's so weird getting older. I was such a gorgeous young idiot. The world opened up for me. I didn't realise. I thought that was just how things were. What a breeze it is to be a handsome young white man living in a nice area. How friendly everyone is. All of the pretty girls and boys smiling bashfully at me. The world at my feet. Just popped to the shop, feeling pretty good. Confident. Fresh. Full of vitality and brimming with vim. A pretty woman smiled at me! Big eyes, amazing skin, lustrous..... coat? Mane? I suppose the word hair would suffice in this context. Am I describing a horse? It feels like I'm describing a horse. She wasn't a horse. Or at least if she was, she was an excellent horse. Very healthy. Probably one to watch at the 3:15 at Chepstow. Anyway the point is she smiled at me! Teeth of white! An aura around her. 'Still got it, Ben' I said to myself, feeling supremely... something. Good? Happy? I start thinking about saying hello. Is that mad? Just.... Hi. What's the harm? I can say hi to someone who smiles at me. Someone who looks like they have a very good mixed diet of both wet and dry foods. Plenty of hay and room to run around in a field. A pretty summer frock. Yeah, I'll say hi. I can do that. Come on, Ben. Just say hi. And then..... of course I realise she's smiling at the fucking Adonis stood behind me. Discombobulatingly looking like me. But a me who's made every right choice. Including to be much taller. I wonder if I've died and am witnessing some kind of alternate dimension. Am I a ghost? Is this purgatory? What might have been. But no. It's just an incredibly, offensively good-looking me. And I suddenly become self aware. I see myself in a reflective surface. Haggard. Homunculus. A sort of comedy character. A foil to the main hero of the piece. She didn't even notice me reacting to her. I don't even exist. To her, I am a magazine rack. A pyramid of baked beans. Not even. I simply exist as space. A navigational obstacle. A void. The fool. Anyway bananas are well cheap in Lidl!

Sorry I didn't know how to end that and was going overboard. I'm fine really. No need to worry about me.

@amiserabilist

More recently than I'd like to admit I was out with a friend. It's my chaos friend who I really shouldn't be allowed to go out with. And likewise. I got home at 7 in the morning. It was a real one. There was a lot of late night hotel bars. I will never admit to this but I might have stolen a bottle of champagne and ran off into the night at one point. But crucially I ended up talking with a very weirdly attractive woman at the end of the bar. She was so into me! She laughed at all of my jokes! I felt young and beautiful. I said to my friend..... I can't believe it. I think that person might be actually attracted to me! I don't know how to behave. It's been very lovely and amazing for my ego but I don't want her to feel bad when I tell her that I really appreciate it but am in a committed relationship and so let's just treasure this moment and then part ways as friends. My friend then pointed out she was a sex worker. 👍 👍 👍 👍 👍 👍 👍 👍 👍 👍

@Nickiquote

This doesn't go far enough. Faith No More to control all music forever going forward. Erase Black Sabbaths legacy and have the FnM War Pigs as the only legal version. Faith No More to write all new national anthems.

Why does Amazon, a company valued at two and a half trillion dollars, need to borrow 17.5b from banks for Ai? I saw a quote yesterday - "The entire US economy right now is just 7 companies sending a trillion fake dollars back and forth to each other."

Fresh off bond sale, Amazon borrows $17.5B from banks as Ai spending continues

https://techcrunch.com/2026/06/10/fresh-off-bond-sale-amazon-borrows-17-5-billion-from-banks-as-ai-spending-continues/

No

Visa plugs its payment network into ChatGPT, letting Ai agents shop and pay for users

https://apnews.com/article/visa-chatgpt-openai-shopping-mastercard-d769dec86344cb4977c98789e8ec492f

I am so desperately trying to find some positive news to read but almost every new article I open is the worst thing I could possibly imagine.

Fully autonomous drones have killed human soldiers for the first time | New Scientist

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2529849-fully-autonomous-drones-have-killed-human-soldiers-for-the-first-time/

I'm sorry but I don't believe it's possible to commit crime against a corporation. It is against my beliefs. You can't crime a table. Same thing.

Never really thought about it before but the Fediverse is presumably a portmanteau of federation and universe, so might start calling it the old F.U.

The RAPTCHA

Select all squares with
bicycles
to enter the kingdom of heaven

Imagine if you saw a ghost. Like just out of the blue one day - welp, the spirit world is real apparently. Supernatural forces exist in the world. Probably means there's also werewolves and probably some kind of afterlife with a system for measuring worthiness. Everything I thought is now wrong. Better stop masturbating now I know mum is watching. Gonna have to be nice to people now. Fucks sake. Clear our schedule, I'm committing all of my time now to going to church. Work out how to cleanse my filthy soul as much as possible. Find me some orphans. There's work to be done. It would really upend your whole thing.

@Nickiquote

King Charles has a butler do it for him. It's the most prestigious job on the household staff. Sadly at the end of their career they have to be put down.

TIL the plane of the Brazilians national football team was baptised as it head off for the World Cup. So if they don't win it means god is dead.

Maybe we're not scrolling enough. Perhaps if we all try to scroll harder, that'll fix everything.

"I survived the worst and stupidest period in modern recorded history and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

I don't mean to brag but I already did this

Researchers teach brain cells to play 'Doom'

https://phys.org/news/2026-05-brain-cells-play-doom.html

Banned from the local aviary again

THIS IS EXTREMELY LOVELY :pride_heart: :PrideSkeletor:

Just to add to this, everyone should follow @Mrfunkedude who is a terrific person and a constant source of fun and joy 🕺

The thing I enjoy about really terrible people on the Fediverse is that they pop up with their bile and hate, then are just immediately swatted away by literally everyone, into silence and obscurity. Walled off from all of the many lovelies. Hurrah! F those Bs. X