Notices by Ben (thebreadmonkey@beige.party)

Look, I get there are lots of things to celebrate and a finite number of days. But today is already apparently chocolate chip day why do we need to celebrate straw hats aswell? Who is celebrating straw hats? They are fine I suppose. But l I'm not going to dedicate a whole day to it. I have too much to do already.

Happy National Straw Hat Day!
https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/straw-hat-day/

Honestly I think the only thing keeping me going is my new tomato plants

@MiniMia

There is *always* space for midnight pasta

Salad for lunch

The amount of emails I receive claiming to have 'an exciting opportunity' vs how many of them are actually an exciting opportunity.

Finally some actual news

Flying duck caught on speed camera could be repeat offender
https://news.sky.com/story/flying-duck-caught-on-speed-camera-could-be-repeat-offender-13367584

I'm gonna eat so many tomatoes

@godofbiscuits

I used to know someone with a cat called Steve, which I enjoyed a lot

Seriously who calls their dog Potato?

Tusky has been updated and it is weird. Now when you boost something it confirms it in MASSIVE WRITING.

My daughter is generally very accepting of my neurospecialities, but apparently reaches the limit at me wanting to have a go on the disability lift then becoming fascinated by the floor tiling in Next (it was incredible - why is there intricate ornate floor tiling in a Next?). I think she was already struggling because I apparently 'disappeared' for ages (I went to take pictures of a TukTuk I saw and nearly got run over).

It is EXTREMELY funny to me, but also horrifying and a definite sign of the times, that BBC News reporting on the choosing of the next Papal Holy Father are saying that there is not yet 'a clear winner'. Like it's fucking Vaticans Got Talent.

With everything that's going on in the world it's important at times like these to remember - particularly on David Attenboroughs 99th birthday - that young David Attenborough was a stone cold hottie

Hooray!

https://www.livescience.com/planet-earth/plants/scientists-find-the-best-crops-to-grow-during-the-apocalypse

What happens at Conclave, stays at Conclave

@steter

*Lenny Kravitz voice*

AMERICAN FOOTBALL

Absolutely BEYOND THRILLED that my mates kid has been selected to play college football in the States. I mean..... it's probably not a *great* time for a Black kid from another country to be going to America, but hopefully this will open up a whole world to him. I've been to a few NFL matches - looks like I might have to actually try to understand the rules now which of course is impossible because they clearly make it up as they go along. :nfl_draft:

Statistically there is at least one(1) spy on Fedi

I really feel that my mum being proud of me for eating up all my food like a good boy really set me up for a lot of disappointment and failure in later life. Not one person has told me they're proud of me for eating up all of my food in ages. And I do it so so good aswell. It's grossly unfair.

Nieces birthday shindig today. Of course I'll be in the family photo. I love having photos taken of me and don't think I ruin photos by appearing like some malevolent sea creature.