Notices by Nick (nickiquote@mstdn.social)

@selzero Now you mention it, I have as many England caps as George Best.

Sorry I can’t come into work today, I suffered a rapid unscheduled disassembly during my ascent this morning.

Dear Sirs,

When I said I didn’t want to hear about Elon fucking Musk every fucking minute of every fucking day, it did not mean I wanted to hear about Mark fucking Zuckerberg every fucking minute of every fucking day instead.

Yours,

Me

I’ve seen this screenshotted and quoted in various places, so I’ve made this for ease of use.

People say “it’s like comparing apples and oranges,” to which I respond “great, I love doing that!”

Eg, here we have a Pink Lady apple and a seedless easy peeler, maybe a Clementine, I wouldn’t bet the house on it.

The Pink Lady is large and attractive, although you can’t see that it’s a lot less uniform in colour around the back. It is firm and fresh. The orange, by contrast is a bit bumpy and no longer fresh and plump.

Nonetheless I ate the orange. I fancied an orange and it needed eating.

@jalefkowit The bisexuals look like a team of superhero telepaths.

In truth, I am especially mad at Elon Musk today because I had a dream last night where I was in a conference hotel and I couldn't find my room and I kept running into him despite trying my best to avoid him. He was being very needy and wanted to chat.

Any sufficiently shit automobile manufacturing is indistinguishable from terrorism.

Congratulations to Elon Musk for making cars so bad that no-one can tell if a carbomb has just happened or if the car just did that.

@RickiTarr I’ve just discovered what Google’s unavoidable AI assistant throws up when you search “Dr Pepper What’s the worst that could happen?”…

Elon: “Why is no-one planting beautiful flowers in the land I incinerated then ploughed salt into?”

My new coffee machine wants to be connected to the internet. I am not letting it connect to the internet. If it’s bored, it can read a book.

Friedrich Engels’ Nosferatu.

@skinnylatte WTF. Is the toast dusted with cocaine?

Wealthy Americans every Christmas: *watching endless adaptions of a moral fable by a Victorian social critic about how the rich stop the poor from affording necessary healthcare, so that their children die, and how this also damns the rich*

Libertarian Charles Amos goes on GB News defending the rights of siblings to marry and of parents to marry their children.

Says he believes in the age of consent, but when asked what age: “I'm not getting into that. I'd write about that in an academic journal article”

Note the teddy bear on the bed behind him.

Honestly, if he didn’t have an online presence as an anti-tax libertarian I’d assume he was a character comedian.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/gb-news-sparks-backlash-charles-34348257

@GNUmatic @AnarchoNinaWrites It wouldn’t let me watch that one either and I’m in England.

ACAB includes the cop from the Village People. Sorry to all the young men out there.

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” is supposed to be about making the best of a bad situation.

But, having lemons is not, in fact, a bad situation. People willingly buy lemons all the time, in order to have them. Lemons are great.

Secondly, you need a *lot* of sugar to make lemonade. The best you can do otherwise is make lemon juice. So having lemons alone isn’t enough.

A more accurate phrase would be, when life hands you a crushing blow, expect dickheads telling you to perk up.

“Pick a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

Because there are no vacancies at the job you love, and when there is an opening, they get 10s of thousands of applicants, most of whom are better qualified than you.