Notices by Logan 5 and 666 others (loganfive@beige.party)

The real treasure was the clean public restroom we found along the way.

I’m trying really hard to be a glass-is-half-full kind of person, but the glass is half-full of shit.

Just an FYI to new folks: If you like someone's posts but you don't want to see all their boosts, you can:
1) go to their profile,
2) click on the three dots and
3) select "Hide boosts from..."
:themoreyouknow:

Vampires are always in the dark because they don't spend time reflecting.

If I do anything with more than an hour's notice that's called "planning" to me.

It feels like a high school reunion seeing so many familiar faces returning…which I guess means I never made it out of high school. 😊

I bet detectives really hate Murder Mystery parties. "Hello? I JUST left work."

I see you are having problems with your murderbot. Please pick the problem that most closely resembles your own.

a) Your murderbot refuses to murder due to having a conscience.
b) Your murderbot won't turn on.
c) Your murderbot has murdered the wrong person. (Please read our terms and conditions HERE.)
d) Your murderbot has a taste for blood and is demanding other victims.

“I’ll hold your hand,” I say to the medical examiner performing the autopsy.

I don’t have a cat but if I did I imagine it would be like this.

Credit: Poorly Drawn Lines

Why is autumn the only season with two names? We don’t also call spring “grow,” or winter “decay.”

There are some people who never check their to-go order before leaving the restaurant and I just wish I had that much faith in the world.

@jarg0n IDK, adopting fig beetles sounds like a commitment I'm not ready for.

@jarg0n 🤣 You and @Sir_Osis_of_Liver should write greeting cards together.

“You better have a happy birthday, or else.”

@jarg0n But by the time I finish weaving a basket these are going to go bad.

Is it weird to go door to door offering bananas because you bought too many and they’re close to going bad now? Because everyone acted like it was weird.

Sorry, I was just skimming the timeline. So people who take Tylenol are being raptured? Was that listed as a possible side effect?

I’m starting a credit union called The Street so our clients can brag about all the street cred they have.

I’m trying to figure out who cares less, the person who doesn’t give a shit or the one who doesn’t give a fuck.

The same leaders who yell at subordinates for the smallest mistake are the ones OK with replacing all staff with AI, tool which makes mistakes half of the time.