Notices by Logan Five Thousand (loganfive@beige.party), page 2

We told our landlords we have a dog now and they want to charge us $30 more a month. How the fuck is this dog going to make $30 a month? It’s got no skills. It can’t type, can’t answer a phone. It certainly has no references.

My mom doesn’t feel like she can take care of her dog anymore so I guess we’re dog owners now.

Any tips on ways to help a dog with separation anxiety?

#MiniatureSchnauzer
#DogsOfMastodon
#SeparationAnxiety

@arisummerland My mom can’t visit but we could visit her. I’m not sure if that would be too confusing for the dog and make it worse?

As you search online, a mist suddenly covers the room while a deep voice begins to bellow all around you.

“I am the Ticket Master! Bow to my will or you shall never see the artists you love again!”

You know if you search for "napping" in Indeed you get ZERO job results. It's almost like it's not even a desired skill.

Hi Everyone,
(Yeah, you too. This is for you, if you want. Or not, if you're busy.)

This is my #introduction thingy.
I moved to LA because I was trying to be a #comedy writer and/or comedian. I did a lot of #improv and #sketch, and some #standup. It didn't really work out as a career, but I wouldn't trade the experiences for anything. I really got a chance to laugh a lot and make people laugh, and I loved all of it.

I've worked in a few fields and am now a #Trainer, #Speaker, and #CareerCoach. I think I enjoy being a career coach the most because I'm helping people from underserved communities find the right path for them, or just validating that it's OK if you don't know where you want to be, and jobs are just one aspect of life anyway.

I love to #travel and have gone to about 15 - 20 countries. But with COVID and my concerns about climate change, I'm rethinking that.

You'll probably see my posts be edited as I try to get the wording right, or if I'm worried I've upset someone.

I like to retoot silly, kind toots that speak to the #absurdity of life or are just good #puns. I also like #cuteanimals a lot.

I'm married to an amazing woman. We recently put down our 15-year-old schnauzer Patches and I still miss him. And I'm #liberal af.

I guess that's enough to go on, right? If you made it this far, thank you for reading!

Yesterday I had a unique hiking experience. A music student from a local university composed an hour-long piece of music with more than 8 instruments. The music was based on the noises of different creatures in the wild as recorded by local wildlife researchers. So a different instrument was assigned to each noise. Yesterday, several musicians were placed in the valley of this hiking trail where the noises had originally occurred but that were now replaced with the sounds of their instruments. While this occurred, a small group of us hiked the trail.

It really did feel like the musicians were wild animals occasionally making noise in the wild. It was also an interesting experiment in keeping time with other musicians at great distances and playing off of each other. (There was an element of improvisation as well.) It ended in a culmination of them playing together, like the forest coming alive.

I wouldn’t buy the album, but I loved the wackiness and uniqueness of the experience and I feel like we need more of this in the world.

#BeSilly
#WackinessNow

EDIT: Adding a video sample.

@TheBreadmonkey 😂 It. Was. Unique.

@TheBreadmonkey Stay alert! Trombonists are in the area!

Interviewer: Why did you leave these jobs after such a short amount of time?

Me: Because they were toxic environments with awful people working there and I care about my mental health too much.

Interviewer: Oh, this definitely isn’t a good fit then.

Here is your 45-digit, one-time security code. You have 15 seconds to enter it before your account explodes.

Can Zohran Kwame Mamdani also be my mayor? Is there a limit to how many cities he can be mayor of?

What are you addicted to?

Renew, reuse, recycle, re-tire, re-despair, re-cry, re-rest, retry again, repeat

I crashed into the ocean once and no one threw me a big party.

Instant coffee can be made by taking the coffee of your colleague when they’re not looking.

There’s nothing like a nap before going to bed.

Ejaculation
Pollen all over my car
Show some restraint, Birch.

#Haiku

Sure, you have dead accounts following you, but do you have undead accounts following you?

I’m old enough to remember when the internet screamed at me instead of the other way around.