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I've had a proper, proper shit day at work. Some beancounting fuckwit in the US has decided sacking one of my team to "reduce headcount" would make a fucking spreadsheet look a tiny bit better for the end of year accounts. They've even helpfully suggested who it should be, despite having fuck all knowledge about what they do or who they are. Just a fucking number.

Fuck you motherfucker. I'm a wiley old cunt. I've been an undercover socialist in a corporate environment for 25 years and I will fucking wriggle the fuck out of this shit, and when I do, you're going on the fucking spreadsheet you corporate ghoul cunt. (Also, you thick fuck, she literally passed a professional qualification last week that I got the company to pay about 15 grand for, you tit).

I've been in a big company for years and (touch wood) survived all sorts of shit in a backstabbing corporate environment. My rules:

1) Be nice to everyone. Always if at all possible
2) Be helpful, even if it's not your responsibility to do so
3) Make friends in high places without being someone's bitch. The top brass should know who you are and give you a friendly nod or some chit chat around the office. If they're asking you to grass up your colleagues you got too close and you're getting burned one day
4) If you make enemies pretend you don't know they consider you an enemy (this is cast iron advice, they think you're stupid and always get sloppy trying to stitch you up. Lay your traps, carefully, with an innocent face and they'll literally hit the self destruct button)
5) Take care of your people. They are people. They have lives, families, worries. If Sandra is having a hard time, give her the day off and don't take it out of her holiday allowance. Nobody is keeping count so just turn a blind eye with a wink
6) Reward people's families if you can (this is solid gold management advice. Treat the family. Spot bonuses or whatever are good but if possible, in addition, purposefully pay for a meal with their significant other. Buy tickets for the Zoo or a theme park. Give their family something as a mark of appreciation, quality time together, recognition that often they bear some of the brunt of your employees job. I learnt this on the receiving end 20 years ago and because it was genuine it has stuck with me ever since. Recognition and appreciation of the wider impact work has on people's lives beyond the workplace is so important, because people appreciate being seen as people, not fucking numbers on a spreadsheet)