Notices by Pastor of Muppets (middleclasstool@phire.place), page 2

I appear not to have fucked this up.

My wife has informed me that the passport application site is down, one day after my parents' application was submitted and their photos taken. Now we have to cross our fingers and hope that bureaucracy momentum means they get processed.

If I needed a concrete "America is over" sign, I think this is it.

@skinnylatte I have one of these, which is a little more discreet because it's just a top that fits a standard water bottle opening. If people are shy about carrying an "I'm about to poop" device in with them, this works well https://www.garagegrowngear.com/blogs/gear-gab/culoclean-ul-backpacking-bidet

@TheBreadmonkey now you have me googling plant-based tunas available in the US

So my current employer has joined the "let's get rid of the senior people and build our product on rookies and AI" bandwagon. Not laid off, but that looks like it's coming.

If any of you know someone who needs a senior software engineer with a strong background in apps security, knows OAuth/OIDC, and speaks Java and Python, HMU. #FediHire

My good and faithful friend, I have not had much need of you since I left Missouri, and you are weirdly gendered, but by god when I need you, you show the hell up and make everything better. Or at least the driveway.

@skinnylatte The color inversion one is bright but it feels like the wrong kind of bright, if that makes sense

@skinnylatte First is my favorite there, but they all look good to me

I'd like to propose a new rule for holiday gatherings. Because some of you like to congregate in the kitchen during cooking.

And I get it! It's cozy and homey and a nice place to be! You're welcome there.

But one person in there is working. They need access to drawers, cabinets, and appliances. Which you will be in the way of.

At some point you will say "whoops, sorry" and get out of the way of what you were obstructing. You get one whoops free. The second time, go to the living room.

I saw a thing that the new Superman teaser had dropped.

So I went looking for it.

The teaser drops tomorrow.

What they posted today is the teaser for the teaser. That's where we are as a species.

It will never stop being delightful to me that one of the gayest rock stars in the history of our species once recorded a song about how much he allegedly loves women with big asses.

I really want to believe in this hack scenario that people are describing, but even if it's real, at this point I have zero faith that anyone will follow through on it. If everyone had done their jobs, he wouldn't have been on the ballot.

@mekkaokereke honestly stunned that the number is that high here, given what I've heard literally every Black person on Mastodon describe about being Black on Mastodon. I would have thought we'd have a fraction of Bluesky's membership.

Me: "I have discovered tea with breakfast, this is amazing and changes everything"

85% of humanity, literally the entire rest of the world: "Yeah, we know. Thanks for finally catching up, dude."

STILL, though.

I don't know how on earth that Dr. Phil endorsing Trump at a white supremacist rally could possibly have surprised me, but I somehow did not see that coming.

About to go watch Bumblebee Bandersnatch in "Frankenstein" at the library theater

@jacklaridian YOU LIE

Can...can we see Beyonce now

@georgetakei I used to work in jewelry stores. I've seen more intense things than that engraved inside wedding rings.

@jacklaridian yeah, this is the same thing as like when they discover that Rage Against the Machine doesn't support them: did you listen to the lyrics? But this is not a group of people renowned for their textual comprehension skills, is all I can think. That feels like an insulting and reductive explanation but I can't come up with better.