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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:28:31 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
Everyone has the vague idea that cell phones made the world a dumber place, but the reasons why are usually vague. I know the reason: it's because cell phones have radically altered the bathroom.
It used to be possible to roll up a newspaper under your arm and take a one-hour shit in perfect silence. This is when people have their best ideas, the ideas that move all their other ideas forward: when you are doing one thing and that thing is nothing.
That's how it all went sideways, man. Your fuckin' phone buzzes. Is it your side hustle, or is someone spamming you to promote their side hustle? Someone's knocking at the door. Music starts playing: the woman said you were crazy for declaring the waterproof bluetooth shower speaker "an abomination before the Lord", but now she has clicked the wrong shit and some douchebags' fucking podcast about AI startups is stopping you from staring blankly at the wall in peace. An alert on the phone: overdraft fees triggered by microtransactions. The only thoughts you have had in that room for months are about which politicians to kill to bring back peaceful shits.
This is how we used to take dumps back in the day and it was FINE:
computertoilet.jpg- Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell:, Lina Inver?e and ✙ dcc :pedomustdie: :phear_slackware: like this.
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sysrq (sysrq@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:33:28 JST sysrq
@p
I don't think on the shitter; I'm more focused on survival.pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:35:56 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@sysrq I thought you were younger; once you pass an Age, the bathroom becomes the top place for you to die suddenly. Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: likes this. -
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「 Fried Fristi 」 (fristi@akkos.fritu.re)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:35:59 JST 「 Fried Fristi 」
@p fun fact: among the stack of reading materials we used to have in the bathroom, there were manuals and guides for all sorts of stuff. And so much stuff about cars and trucks.
No wonder back then almost every guy was into cars to some degree.pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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Lina Inver?e (lina@eientei.org)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:37:14 JST Lina Inver?e
@p doshirak spotted, russai reference pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: like this.pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: repeated this. -
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Lina Inver?e (lina@eientei.org)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:38:49 JST Lina Inver?e
@p pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: like this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:40:23 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@fristi I think it depends on the house. Playboy or Popular Science or Reader's Digest (Large Print Edition) or Cosmopolitan or a stack of Haynes manuals.
(A Haynes manual is enough to convert a guy into a car guy.) -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:41:59 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@lina I was gonna :greenismypepper: the UN helmet corn syrup image only the guy was trying to poop in peace but I went with that image because I love that image. Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: and Lina Inver?e like this. -
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butterdog (nudes at 1M followers) (butterdog@poa.st)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:42:17 JST butterdog (nudes at 1M followers)
@p @sysrq elvis was a trend setter pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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Lina Inver?e (lina@eientei.org)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:42:38 JST Lina Inver?e
@p so real man, i personally enjoy solving crosswords when i'm in the bathroom pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:44:04 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@Zerglingman @lina All of my posts are. Lina Inver?e likes this. -
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Machismo (zerglingman@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:44:05 JST Machismo
@p @lina Is this a pbort post? pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and Lina Inver?e like this. -
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korgster (korgster@clubcyberia.co)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:44:10 JST korgster
@lina @p I haven’t done one in a while.. thanks for reminding me pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and Lina Inver?e like this. -
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「 Fried Fristi 」 (fristi@akkos.fritu.re)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:46:27 JST 「 Fried Fristi 」
@p man i wish i still had my first car, i still have the haynes manual for it
The seat malaga, gray and dumb as a brick, but the seats were the best and omfg that system porsche engine was ridiculous for a consumer car.pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:47:35 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@fristi I had an old Chevy Lumina. Seated six. You could watch the fuel indicator move when you packed six dudes into it. Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: likes this. -
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Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: (lanodan@queer.hacktivis.me)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:49:12 JST Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell:
@p Quite glad I'm not a smartphones zombie and how I mostly just leave my cellphone at my desk (it might as well be a landline but with proper SMS support).
Even phones being effectively a remote doorbell kind of thing seems like an annoying concept…pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 20:50:03 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@lanodan Even if you don't have one, there's an immediacy to society that wasn't present. Until very recent times, I never heard someone get pissed off that it took ten minutes to get someone else on the phone. Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: likes this. -
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Chinese man ? #nobot (iamal_pharius@poa.st)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 20:58:43 JST Chinese man ? #nobot
@p gm p man pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 21:00:08 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@IAMAL_PHARIUS Good morning.
sfpoopmap.png✙ dcc :pedomustdie: :phear_slackware: likes this. -
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Chinese man ? #nobot (iamal_pharius@poa.st)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 21:12:59 JST Chinese man ? #nobot
@p pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 21:13:53 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@IAMAL_PHARIUS The dog didn't realize he was looking. -
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Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: (lanodan@queer.hacktivis.me)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 21:16:50 JST Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell:
@p Yeah, it's why I'm calling them a remote doorbell, it ends up being preemptive over anything else and when you're not doing that people feel upset, typically because a lot of people assume bad faith by default. pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: (lanodan@queer.hacktivis.me)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 21:25:36 JST Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell:
@p And I wouldn't be surprised that progress indicators made us more impatient overall on things lacking them, even on ones that simply can't. pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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Kirino Kousaka (kirino@seal.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 22:16:12 JST Kirino Kousaka
Niggas really using their phone in the bathroom, lmao?
pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 22:18:46 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@Kirino Yes, they do. Back when they had physical keyboards, you could hear the tapping of Blackberry keyboards in the adjacent stall in every office bathroom. I have never heard someone try to talk to Siri in there but it probably has happened. Even if you don't take a phone, someone will using a phone near the bathroom will ruin your peaceful time. -
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?? Humpleupagus ?? (humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 22:30:26 JST ?? Humpleupagus ??
Tl;dr cell phones made the shitter shittier. 😏 pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:03:02 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@istvan
> Is this what normal people did?
I didn't watch normal people take a shit, but you go to someone's house and there are books stacked on the back of the toilet and a pile of magazines/newspapers next to it, or if you were super classy, a magazine holder.
> firing lightning bolts into the thundermug.
That's why I am calling it now. -
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istván (istvan@noagendasocial.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:03:03 JST istván
@p Is this what normal people did?
If hardcore autistic you were reading video game instruction manuals while firing lightning bolts into the thundermug. ZAP TO THE EXTREME!
pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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:gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄 (bonifartius@qoto.org)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:06:09 JST :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄
@istvan @p all time favorite reading the backside of whatever cleaning product you can reach whilst sitting on the bowl
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:07:29 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@bonifartius @istvan I read that Dr. Hippie's shampoo bottle a few times. Apparently there is a different insane theory on every damn bottle. -
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Agora Brewing (agora_brewing@thebag.social)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:07:32 JST Agora Brewing
@p
I have never agreed with anything more than this right herepistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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(mint@ryona.agency)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:07:49 JST
@p @istvan >I didn't watch normal people take a shit
This implies you watch abnormal people take a shit.pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:09:03 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@agora_brewing How do we get back there? Someone has to have invented "Faraday cage paint" by now, or maybe you can just get a handful of iron filings and a paint mixer, I don't know. -
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istván (istvan@noagendasocial.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:11:09 JST istván
pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and like this. -
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FrailLeaf (frailleaf@ryona.agency)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:11:53 JST FrailLeaf
@mint @p @istvan
image.pngpistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and like this. -
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gh0st1984 (gh0st1984@decayable.ink)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:12:57 JST gh0st1984
I'm on the shitter rn bb pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:13:27 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@gh0st1984 @Kirino :darksexy: -
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Suzu (suzu@varishangout.net)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:14:55 JST Suzu
@p @Kirino >be me, completely agreeing with p while I'm taking a shit with my phone in hand pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:15:14 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@Suzu @Kirino :notp: -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:15:38 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@Humpleupagus This is the source of human thought. -
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Deplorable Degenerate (deplorable_degenerate@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:15:46 JST Deplorable Degenerate
It turns you from a smart little shit into a dumbshit. pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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LurkPerry (lurkperry@poa.st)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:15:57 JST LurkPerry
@Humpleupagus @p I do not miss reading the back of shampoo bottles pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:17:13 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@LurkPerry @Humpleupagus People used to have newspapers in there and if you ran out of toilet paper, you could wipe your ass with some politician's face. They didn't look so smug back *then*. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:18:06 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@mint @istvan I don't go looking for it, so if I see someone taking a shit, it's safe to just assume that they're abnormal. likes this. -
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istván (istvan@noagendasocial.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:18:08 JST istván
@p @bonifartius Just like Ray's potato chips.
pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:20:49 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@istvan @mint I heard DevianTart was folding. Is that where you picked up this drawing, like an office closure sale? likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:21:25 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@FrailLeaf @mint @istvan Girls don't poop. -
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(mint@ryona.agency)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:23:26 JST
@p @istvan I miss the times when I associated Deviantart with cool Windows themes and not inflatable dragons in diapers. pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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FrailLeaf (frailleaf@ryona.agency)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:23:48 JST FrailLeaf
@p @istvan @mint frekazoid fake news pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and like this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:27:08 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@mint @istvan I had never heard of Deviantart until it started being a website that was mostly about inflatable dragons in diapers watching Sonic the Hedghog molest Tails. likes this. -
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istván (istvan@noagendasocial.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:34:52 JST istván
This is Naitsirhc, archnemesis of the first artistic genius of the 21st century, Christine "Christian" Ricardo Weston Chandler.
pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and like this. -
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(mint@ryona.agency)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:34:55 JST
@p @istvan :tails: pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:35:16 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@istvan @mint I don't know that guy, but I know the other motherfucker. likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:35:34 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@istvan @mint Did Naitsirhc fuck his *dad*? -
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istván (istvan@noagendasocial.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:39:07 JST istván
@p @mint I don't know. I'll be honest that I'm not that up to date on Sonichu issues.
It kind of went sideways after Ian Brandon Anderson decided to cut his taint open to make a DIY neovagina. Hard to follow the plot ever since.
pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and like this. -
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istván (istvan@noagendasocial.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 23:53:21 JST istván
@p @mint DeviantArt went online on August 7, 2000.
... So... mid-September?
pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and like this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 00:38:22 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@mint @istvan :alexjonesno: -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 00:40:21 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@istvan @mint I don't know who that is but that sounds awful. I actively avoided the plot and still managed to hear that the guy got arrested for stickin' it to his vegetative-state mom. -
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laurel (laurel@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 00:51:49 JST laurel
@p @agora_brewing
portableJammer.jpgpistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 00:52:24 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@laurel @agora_brewing How much juice does that thing take? -
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istván (istvan@noagendasocial.com)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 00:56:37 JST istván
@p @mint On the left: The true and honest Christian Weston Chandler.
On the right: The malicious troll Ian Brandon Anderson.
There are a few thousand hours of related YouTube content you can listen to in the background to learn more about these giants of Internet artistry.
pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and like this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 01:08:43 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@istvan @mint AHA -
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laurel (laurel@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 01:40:05 JST laurel
@p @agora_brewing
Around 50W, should quiet down the whole block.pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 01:40:30 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@laurel @agora_brewing :bruceforsythe: -
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?? Humpleupagus ?? (humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 07:12:15 JST ?? Humpleupagus ??
This is how FDR was crippled. pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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?? Humpleupagus ?? (humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 07:25:23 JST ?? Humpleupagus ??
Here's a reenactment pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: and like this. -
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Your Loud, Obnoxious Skunkle Jesse (feralphilosophernc@nicecrew.digital)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 07:25:24 JST Your Loud, Obnoxious Skunkle Jesse
:elephant_suck: ? -
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?? Humpleupagus ?? (humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 09:12:06 JST ?? Humpleupagus ??
My toilet reading this week....
The AWK Programming Language by
Alfred Aho, Peter J. Weinberger, and Brian W. Kernighan. AT&T Bell Laboratories. 1988.pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: likes this. -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 19:31:29 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@Humpleupagus @LurkPerry :strangelovesmug: -
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pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Monday, 06-Nov-2023 19:32:30 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
@Humpleupagus @feralphilosophernc @LurkPerry There's a second edition now! Just came out a month or two ago.