Notices by Lulu · לולו (lulu@hachyderm.io)

A hypothesis:¹ Maybe right-wing voters are just too overwhelmed, exhausted and burned out from following the political discourse that they prefer to vote for the person who says that everything is simple and promises to fix all of the problems without asking voters to spend any cognitive energy on politics?

¹ Not sure if I believe it myself.

I have just learned the the unofficial wiki of NixOS is using the fact that it has better search ranking to promote its own "anti-woke" agenda... They refuse to cooperate with the NixOS Foundation, so the official wiki stays hidden.

I don't want to link to the unofficial wiki, but over the last few days they added an article titled "Nixos Woke Invasion"... 🤦♀️

Why does everything have to be so terrible.

#nixos

Another anecdote from HC Andersen's autobiography:

She's poor and can't find a job. She gets a beautiful dress-coat that is too large and wide for her. She can't afford to alter it, so she buttons it close to the neck, but it's too wide on the chest.

"In order to remedy this want, I filled out the empty room with a heap of old theatre hand-bills; they were loosely laid one upon another between the coat and the breast, and looked like a hump."

#TransChristianAndersen #HansChristianAndersen

How is it that after WW2, democratic states did not create explicit laws against fascism, so that now after the historical memory has faded, fascist populists can easily campaign their way into power, following the exact same methods of the fascists a century ago?

I mean, our species isn't particularly smart, is it?

Before my transition, I used to receive very cautious and suspicious responses from women on dating sites, and I realized that they are hypervigilant because of the terrible experiences they had with other people. Now I can see it myself... and it ain't pretty.

The problem with majority rule is that it's a characteristic of our species to be averse to social change. We tend to be biased against the unknown, so it takes a long time for the majority of society to treat oppressed groups with compassion. The backlash to social change always promotes the idea that the needs of the oppressed contradict the rights of the majority. It's enough to look at the right-wing propaganda anywhere in the world to see this in action.

@Polychrome @terraboops I don't "nudge" and I never assert that someone is trans if they don't say so themselves.

I just show them, respectfully, on eye level, what I observe in them that seems similar to my trans experience. If they interpret these things differently, I respect it and accept it.

@terraboops It's really awful.

This is one of the reasons why I can't accept the so-called "egg prime directive". Eggs, especially of my generation or older, lead a life of suffering. I feel like it's my duty to show them that there's another way. I don't insist. I expect pushback. I simply point gently at the possibility and wait patiently until they hatch. Then I offer support.

@terraboops 🎯💯👌

I think you did it perfectly.

I mean, you have to expect pushback and denial. There's a reason why someone stays an egg. Going too strong is obviously a bad idea.

But the fact that building an incubation chamber is a complex and delicate process that takes time and patience doesn't mean that you should give up before even trying.

@jasmine my cis gf and I realized that many times I steer the conversation to theoretical feminism when I get triggered about feelings of gender exclusion. It's a defense mechanism. It was always easier for me to get women to talk to me on eye level when it's feminism talk rather than when it's "you're a man and you don't belong here".

Most of my life I didn't know other trans people or call myself trans. I had no allies, no language, no knowledge of other trans experiences.

I was ostracized as weird, a nerd, a pervert, gay, too boy for the girls, too girl for the boys.

I became a one woman resistance movement. An outsider who can't trust anyone. It's a difficult thing to unlearn.

The weirdest part is that the more I get to know other trans women I realize how common, almost stereotypical, my trans experience is.

@gwynnion You only get mad at the rival team for making good strategic decisions when you know that you own team got nothing.

@Polychrome Thank you! 😊💖

@wolfe When I'm on a dating site, what I'm looking for is connection with a new person. Maybe we can have good sex. Maybe we have some shared experiences that will be interesting for us to speak about. Maybe we will find shared interests or just like talking to each other.

I can't already plan a relationship of any length with them before getting to know if we like, you know, enjoy spending time together.

@wolfe But wait, suppose someone wants an anonymous no-attachment one-time sex encounter kind of thing (not my thing, but I don't kink-shame), wouldn't it make more sense to speak about the no-attachment expectation rather the length of the term?

@wolfe I don't understand aro or ace so I can't say anything about it, but wouldn't it be easier to specify *this* rather than to speak about the length of the term of the wished for relationship?

If someone's anxious of romance or gets tired of partners quickly, do they know it in advance? If so, why are they still looking? If not, what good is it to ask them?

@wolfe I'm really sorry that men break your heart, dear.

I do find gay dating apps more direct and simple.

Regarding aro and anxiety, I think the issue here is trying to gauge something that the person doesn't know. So, bear with me, wouldn't it make sense to ask "do you *like* long-term relationships?" (like, found them satisfying in the past) rather than "looking for" one? And I think that an honest answer can be "I don't know", which still provides the information you're after. wdyt?

@wolfe This assumption isn't always true, as is seen, crucially, in this case.

I like having long-term relationships with people I click with. I don't know whether I click with this person that I don't know yet, so no, I am not *looking for* a long-term relationship with them. If I do click with them, I'll be happy to watch this affair grow into a long-term relationship, but that's not what I was looking for in the first place.

@wolfe

Could you explain this to me like I'm 5?

Why would someone *choose* to arbitrarily stop a fling after 3 weeks when it's the hottest thing they ever experienced in their lives? What's their interest in doing so? What's the gain? What's their angle?

And since I'm in the mood for dying on hills: a one-night stand, even if you abbreviate it to ONS for whatever reason, is not a premeditated choice. I feel like I'm losing touch with humanity...

I'll try to explain: if we meet for sex and we like each other, we'll probably meet again. Hey, we might even have some pillow talk and get to know each other. If, on the other hand, one or more of us didn't like the experience, it would be silly for us to force ourselves to meet again.