Notices by Jasmine running (jasmine@chaosfem.tw)

to-do: dip transphobe in super glue and googly eyes

my favourite thing to say instead of "ladies and gentlemen" might just be "enbies et cetera"

apparently fosstodon has some kind of a "no politics" policy in place? that's a very big warning sign!

to see why, i suggest watching "How to Radicalize a Normie" from The Alt-Right Playbook.

if you're super pressed for time, begin watching at 8:35 and stay until 12:30.

that part of the video explains very clearly how having a "contained" fascist on the mod team is still part of an effective recruitment strategy, and why the way mike (the instance owner) is acting now is a sign that the strategy is working.

but i REALLY think you should watch the whole video, because it explains not just what communities with "no politics"-style policies does for the alt-right (the "no controversy" kind that gets you a warning for saying trans lives matters), but also the rest of the alt-right radicalisation pipeline that those communities are part of.

ok, since I'm seemingly not really doing anything useful today, I'll use my own words to state something from that video. (so i'm not the smart person behind this; that's ian danskin/innuendo studios, self-identified cis guy)

when there's a "no politics" policy, what does that really mean?

well, "politics" actually means controversy here. "don't talk politics" really means "don't cause political conflict". ian points out how "nazis are bad" is an uncontroversial opinion and therefore also non-political. but therefore, "nazis are good" is also non-political, since nobody will defend it! it's obviously a joke. it doesn't cause conflict within the group because everyone disagrees.

"trans lives matter" DOES on the other hand cause controversy within the group, so it is considered political and yields a warning. (yes, on fosstodon)

what this means is that being a nazi is considered non-political and allowed, while being trans is on the other hand considered political, so you better not talk about it—and if you do, then you are ruining the community with your political agenda.

now, it's worth pointing out that fosstodon doesn't actually have a literal "no politics" rule. instead, it has a "don't cause political conflicts" rule—and that's the exact thing that "no politics" usually means. look, they made it super obvious that the above is what is going on:

3) Do not be intentionally antagonistic. A post or reply designed to provoke a confrontation is not acceptable.

and that's part of the alt-right playbook.

you're not a failure, sweetie—you're just queer

Being born was just a massive invasion of my privacy.

i think that usually, blocking and then posting about it means that the block was intended as a form of public moral judgement. i do those too sometimes when reply-guy randoms show up from nowhere and dump huge loads of anger in my mentions. it's a decent way of processing it (and i usually do need to process it), at least for as long as it's "punching upwards"

the "not naming names" public shaming thing is something I've talked about before, like when admins quote incoming reports and argue about them publicly. it's a thing i saw a lot of in politics too, a kind of master suppression technique building on oneself having more informal and often also formal power than the other, meant to intimidate others from disagreeing with you. "look what happens if you talk back to me"

but anyway, i hardly ever post about blocking someone when it's for my own mental health, which is like… nearly all of my blocks so far. why would i draw attention to wanting to avoid all contact with someone? that could cause drama and draw their attention, which is what i'm trying to avoid, right?

some people still notice and get upset by being quietly blocked and start subtooting about it, in much the same manner as those who are blocking others as a power play

and here's something that will probably seem alien to a lot of people: it's always such a relief when that subtooting begins!

it's one of my most problematic flaws that i'm so intensely afraid of accidentally making someone feel rejected for no good reason, and that includes them feeling rejected by them blocking me. no i'm not kidding. this is what i was shaped into. it's the core trait that "made me" into a repeat relationship abuse victim, for example. i "make" people with invasive tendencies become uniquely abusive, by not setting the boundaries they need. so this is not about me being "too nice" at all. and i'm likely never going to fully get rid of this dependent personality style no matter what i do. i just have to learn how to deal with it

so i'm happy to have come this far now that when the subtooting begins, it dispels all those toxic feelings of me somehow causing needless harm: this really wasn't someone i should have been in contact with in the first place. to phrase it in the least ableist way i can think of: we're ultimately incompatible

i need to put way more trust in my "kelpian" sixth sense

@clacke please prefer directing any replies/reactions to the original post rather than mine :akko_smile2:

(please prefer directing any replies/reactions to the original post rather than mine)

https://zeroes.ca/@broadwaybabyto/114232351212799312

@hipsterelectron I understand. but look, I think the thing described (the failure to predict risks of rejection) actually should count as part of RSD, since it's defined as sensitivity to being rejected even if it's just imagined (as is what is happening when we cannot predict that it won't happen)

and furthermore, I think this is related to the brain's reward system and dopa levels. when our brains are trying to predict the outcomes of our plans for social actions (even simple ones like saying hello) the "win" condition is detected by the dopa-driven reward system. but in many ADHDers (majority) this fails

when I got medicated, this whole problem (which was huge, a situational mutism that had cost me so so much) went away in just an hour. one small pill and it was gone

rejection sensitive dysphoria is supposedly a thing for ADHDers particularly. but I have found that I'm a lot more sensitive to rejecting than to being rejected. ultimately I'm okay with being rejected (a lie) since I kind of always expect it anyways (a truth)

okay okay, I admit it, it is hard. (although still easier than accepting help.)

but to reject someone—oh gosh that's a hundred times worse than anything else. I have literally spent years alone just to avoid it

I guess this is a problem

My pre-transition self feels kind of like a brother I didn't really like. Now he's gone and I have to deal with all his stuff. I kind of wanna just throw it all away, but at the same time, like… he's still my brother, right? And there is lots of stuff in there that the rest of the family would appreciate so much, like photos and texts etc.

Idk, now I'm kinda angry at him for just leaving like that, forcing me to deal with this mess he left behind. Selfish prick.

someone was wrong on the internet and i just shrug whatever who gaf lol

it should be mentioned that i had no idea that either of these consoles were announced. but the template says what it says, so why not i guess

It's so useless being poly when you're also non-partnering and non-sexing. Relationship anarchy almost seems kinda pointless too for a label. Maybe I should adopt something else, like… I mean it's just me at my level, right? Nobody else. So maybe "relationship monarchy" haha

this is so dumb

i just realised how i reduced the number of meltdowns i get from sensory overload! i can't believe this, why didn't i understand this until now

i started wearing socks at home

big envelope with lots of paperwork to fill in from the gender cops at the gic. if i manage to quantify my gender dysphoria correctly, they'll put me on the waiting list for an assessment. I've waited more than three years for this, for having them decide whether i should have waited or not.

the waiting list for an assessment is currently 9–12 months and growing. the assessment is 7 months long but they've hidden 2–3 years of waiting there so that the public won't find out, making it 3 years long at best. and then the waiting times for HRT etc is 1+ years.

one of the things I'm supposed to do now in these forms is to describe what's currently affecting my mental health negatively. and WELL SINCE YOU'RE ASKING

how happy are you with your body? grade each body part from 1 (very satisfied) to 5 (very dissatisfied)

nose
shoulders
hips
chin
lower legs
breasts
hands
adam's apple
vagina/scrotum
height
thighs
arms
eyebrows
clitoris/penis
waist
muscles
butt
facial hair
face
weight
biceps
uterus/ovaries/testicles
head hair
voice
feet
body shape
body hair
chest
movement patterns
appearance

for each one that you've answered 3–5, indicate whether you want to surgically and/or medically change it or not

"describe your experience of puberty"

…

in a box that's 6x16 cm!? are you tucking kidding me?!? wtf

i can't come to bed right now!!! someone is upset on the internet and what if it's about meeeee