Notices by 🏴 (scorpiontongue@kolektiva.social), page 2

emailed the department head.
came out in the email.

i shouldn't have to do this.
we deserve privacy & shouldn't have to be constantly on display to be respected.

but, fuck it, i can't stand by while he exposes us to danger.

it's wild when people are like ~white people need to use their privilege & speak up against injustice~

&& then, when we do, it's like ~whoa there, hush, you're a white person. what do you know?~

it's almost like people are committed to perpetuating injustice && only full-scale change from the bottom up will work to overturn this hegemonic bullshit.

i spoke with the professor after class.
he was really defensive && played some kind of ~~well if his research is solid, i can't say no~~
&& i had to explain that it actually IS KIND OF HIS JOB to shut down unethical investigations.

i explained that he & the student lacked meaningful cultural competency to take on the research, as evidenced by how they spoke about it, their lines of inquiry & lack of understanding about how absolutely dangerous this territory was.

i was so mad. but i tried to be lucid.
i explained that the institution consistently fell short when it came to queer/trans issues. i explained that this type of negligence was a key reason so many talented people preferred to work in the underground, instead of in the mainstream applications of my field's skillset.

the professor was honestly kind of a shitass, (funny, he can't tell the little boy NO, but he's happy to tell me know repeatedly), but i eventually got through to him when i explained an extremely talented women he admired had my back & encouraged me to speak.

he's going to "talk with her" about it, INSTEAD OF JUST BELIEVING ME, and then decide.

&& i'm just mad.

will provide updates on how the situation unfolds, but i am FUCKING LIVID, y'all.

absolutely furious and livid. i want to 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

yelled at the cis white boy in class.

told him his project investigating DIY trans care will get people killed.

this cis white boy in my cohort is trying to do research on how DIY TRANS HORMONES are sourced & how TRANS MASC TEENS HIDE THEIR TRANSITION from their families; and what companies ppl are getting their contraband hormones from.

M'AIDEZ M'AIDEZ HOW DO I TELL HIM THIS COULD KILL PEOPLE & HE NEEDS TO STOP?? he is being supported by a committee of cis white people & no one else is intervening.

M'AIDEZ M'AIDEZ, WHITE BOY ON THE LOOSE

i feel SO UGLY.
i am not ugly.
i feel SO, SO UGLY.

i feel like my skin looks so old.
i feel like my new tattoo looks like shit & makes me look worse. (my artist added an embellishment && it looks just ..... not right.)

i can kind of fix these things. (get a touch up; do some like weirdly bougie spa shit.)
but, i have always, always struggled so deeply with self-confidence around beauty.

i have always felt so ugly.
in photos, it is apparent that i am Not Ugly,
but it is an inside feeling i do not know how to get rid of & i do not understand why it exists so strongly.

(i am having co-existing feelings of extreme boy craziness about my professor. and i am having a really hard time sleeping lately, too. i am so confused about why this particular cocktail of self-loathing is occupying my brain & body rn.)

(it's the 3 year anniversary of my very very abusive ex flying to be with me the last time. we spent 2 weeks attached at the hip; covered a police raid at the 2020 protest camp; and then he quickly fell back into his old abusive ways, so i got sadder than i ever have in my entire life & cut him off. that was followed by the darkest winter literally ever. and yeah. i wonder if this is what is in the background / is the body remembering?)

either way, i feel hideous (i know i am not.)

@anarchopunk_girl
i also think fear / daunt is an excellent propaganda tactic. like, half of keeping the threats away is making them think you're fucking scary.

i can appreciate where the ppl like AK & his creepy abuser militia have a point that .... we need militant self-defense capacity.

and i agree with that.

i am just absolutely & firmly against the idea that those efforts should be lead by abusers, apologists & enablers.

----

i am not against the idea of a radical gun store. (i was in love with a radical gun store instagram account 😂)

i am against the idea that a serial domestic abuser & his enabling crew could ever have sufficiently radical politics to actually keep people safe.

pop culture radicalism is gna make me fucking crazy.
lib cooption of radical language is gna make me go crazy.
christianization of radical values is gna make me unhinge my jaw and swallow luther.

i am so icked out by the manipulation & misappropriation of language. i am so grossed out with the discourse. people are showing their true colors (as being fucking abuse ENABLERS who have no sense of the histories of change & community justice) &&& i DO NOT LIKE THEM.

i will absolutely hold the hill that violence can be a necessary & valid part of justice.

@anarchopunk_girl

i think you are also hitting on something i've been thinking lately ::

i'm not sure if i believe in "transformative" justice because i'm not sure i believe in abusers ability to change. and, even if they could, i'm not sure their needs should be centered in all this.

i think if the goal is "self-defense for the victims" & not "transform" or "punish" the abuser .... that actually is a CRUCIAL frame shift, because it centers the hurt person, who SHOULD be centered.

eg. we should be RESTORING the survivor's power, safety, material goods..... not RESTORING the abuser's reputation.

no, i actually want people who commit heinous human rights violations to suffer.
i do want them to hurt.
i want them to understand what they did.

i DO NOT BELIEVE that saying "oh uwu he was hurting. maybe we jus hug him" is a proper response to rape, abuse, murder, pedophilia, etc.

people have the fucking brain worms.
abolition does not mean "be nice," it means "the slave catchers & capitalists should not be making these decisions."

how the fuck are people conflating "prison abolition" (aka get the state & slave catchers & private industry out of punishment) with "PUNISHING RAPISTS IS BAD PUNISH NO ONE IF YOU WANT TO PUNISH RAPISTS YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE."

oh my holy fucking god, this is embarrassing.

a quick shout out to everyone who just discovered therapy && now believes it's a catch-all to every problem.

@EeveeEuphoria i've been in therapy since like 2005 && it was only when i obsessively researched modalities and spent years looking for good providers... that i actually got help.

prior to that, it was fucking repression & near-torture. and i am so angry at how much violence was done to me & others, in the name of "health" & "care."

it is becoming obvious to me just how many ""radical leftists"" never did the damn reading or dedicated time to learning even the basic history of how oppressive structures operate.

STOP claiming to be holier than thou & *learn the actual history of oppression.*

i am so sick & tired of the fact that the "send abusers to therapy" people consistently claim an abolitionist framework, meanwhile they offer no critique of how psychology has been used by oppressors to silence, remove and torture.