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   Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:06:48 JST Erik Uden 🚩

   in reply to
   My Stats for Today

   Water intake: 9 (glasses, three tea, one compound)
   00:00 - Now increased back pain and discomfort.
   00:00 - Now Not able to sleep
   00:00 - Now Disorientation / hard to find words
   00:00 - Now muscle ache

   My Notes for Today

   03:05 (written afterwards)
   I just got one paracetamol after explaining that I could not sleep at all. We've also talked about my side effects.

   05:05 (written afterwards)
   I finished my 6th view of “Plagiarism and You(Tube)” by Hbomberguy. It's a good video to listen to and fall asleep, sadly I never felt tired, so I just continued watching it until the end.

   06:00 (written afterwards)
   Sadly, going to bed didn't work out and I ended up not sleeping at all! It's not pain in my lower back, rather a slight discomfort when sitting in any way. The last lumbar puncture didn't have this, however, I believe these are the effects of the drug.

   06:30 (written afterwards)
   My cannula feels so weird. Whenever blood gets drawn I can feel it, not just in pain, but also both in pressure and numbness. I can feel the cold salt solution whenever it is inserted. My arm gets nunb after it for 3-4 Minutes. The assistants said this was normal. Also, the vein hurts, even in places where the cannula isn't. They said this was okay.

   The medicine may cause such hypersensitivity? Although just retelling these events makes my body and the cannula feel weirder. It is all in le head.

   12:57
   They've taken my blood so many times today!! Vampires!!

   13:05
   My cannula tingles everywhere! Not hurting, just tingling. I almost burst out laughing despite it being an intravenous catheter that tickles me.

   17:48
   “De atoomklok heeft gefaald” (the atomic clock went out of order) one of the nurses said. I found that very funny.

   19:35
   „Is that an Ikea shark? I've worked at IKEA before, I like blohaj a lot. Did you know it has a large following by Transgender people? I think they are making pink sharks soon, also for the transgender people”
   (this wasn't said negatively at all, I find the statement still very funny)

   20:39
   They removed my intravenous catheter because it didn't work anyway. Lol. My left arm feels very funny. It's gotten numb in some areas, and the cannula probably poked some nerve, now it's just AHHH feeling SO tingly I could explode. Moving my fingers is still hard. The assistants said it will be fine.

   21:53
   This day has finally come to an end. No more appointments. My left arm has this weird feeling of numbness, internal overstimulation, hard to move fingers/hand. It's getting better, still weird for this to happen through a cannula, must've hit the nerve.

   • Embed this notice
     Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:06:49 JST Erik Uden 🚩

     in reply to

     Day 011 of the Multiple Sclerosis Study
     (Compound Day 8) Friday on 2024-09-13
     Groningen, Netherlands (GMT+1)

     Content Warning: Needles, and drug related medical stuff (panic attack), pain through medical actionsMy Schedule for TodayGlossary

     • BP = blood pressure
     • HR = heart rate
     • SB = (study bound) meal controlled for the study

     6:00 Telemetry, Connect
     6:30 Intravenous catheter (Check)
     7:30 Wellbeing (Pre dose)
     7:40 Urine clinical chemistry (Not sooner)
     7:40 Physician task

     • Neurological examination Brief Psychiatric Rating Scale C-SSRS

     7:50 Telemetry (Start)
     8:00 Telemetry (Start subject lay down [168h])
     8:10 Telemetry (Make ECG print [3x])
     8:15 Telemetry (Stop subject lay down [168h])
     8:15 Vital signs (BP, HR)
     8:20 Blood sampling

     • PK: Sample 18
     • PL PD 2-AG: Sample 107
     • SR PD 2-AG: Sample 310

     8:20 Transfer bloodtubes
     8:30 Cogstate (Neurocognitive Test Battery)
     9:00 Urine collection

     • Urinate into toilet
     • Start container 4

     9:10 SB Breakfast (Start)
     9:40 Dose (RO7268489 or placebo)
     9:40 Dose check
     9:40 Water fast (Start)
     9:45 Blood sampling (PK: Sample 19)
     9:45 Transfer bloodtubes
     9:50 Telemetry (Start subject lay down [168.5h])
     10:00 Telemetry (Make ECG print [3x]
     10:05 Telemetry (Stop subject lay down [168.5h])
     10:05 Vital signs (BP, HR)
     10:10 Blood sampling

     • PK: Sample 20
     • SR PD 2-AG: Sample 311

     10:10 Transfer bloodtubes
     10:20 Telemetry (Start subject lay down [169h])
     10:30 Telemetry (Make ECG print [3x])
     10:35 Telemetry (Stop subject lay down [169h])
     10:35 Vital signs (BP, HR)
     10:40 Blood sampling

     • PK: Sample 21

     10:40 Transfer bloodtubes
     11:10 Blood sampling (PK: Sample 22)
     11:10 Transfer bloodtubes
     11:20 Telemetry (Start subject lay down [170h])
     11:30 Telemetry (Make ECG print [3x])
     11:35 Telemetry (Stop subject lay down [170h])
     11:35 Vital signs (BP, HR)
     11:40 Blood sampling

     • PK: Sample 23
     • PL PD 2-AG: Sample 108
     • SR PD 2-AG: Sample 312

     11:40 Transfer bloodtubes
     11:40 Water fast (Stop)
     12:20 Telemetry (Start subject lay down [171h])
     12:30 Telemetry (Make ECG print [3x])
     12:35 Telemetry (Stop subject lay down [171h])
     12:35 Vital signs (BP, HR)
     12:40 Blood sampling (PK: Sample 24)
     12:40 Transfer bloodtubes
     12:40 Cogstate (Neurocognitive Test Battery)
     13:20 Telemetry (Start subject lay down [172h])
     13:30 Telemetry (Make ECG print [3x])
     13:35 Telemetry (Stop subject lay down [172h])
     13:35 Vital signs (BP, HR)
     13:40 Blood sampling

     • PK: Sample 25
     • PL PD 2-AG: Sample 109
     • SR PD 2-AG: Sample 313

     13:40 Transfer bloodtubes
     13:40 SB Lunch (Check post dose restrictions)
     15:00 Intravenous catheter (Check)
     15:20 Telemetry (Start subject lay down [174h])
     15:30 Telemetry (Make ECG print [3x])
     15:35 Telemetry (Stop subject lay down [174h])
     15:35 Vital signs (BP, HR)
     15:40 Blood sampling (PK: Sample 26)
     15:40 Transfer bloodtubes
     15:40 Urine collection

     • Stop container 4
     • Start container 5

     15:40 Transfer Urine containers
     16:15 Telemetry (Continue)
     16:15 Urine collection (Continue)
     17:40 Blood sampling (PK: Sample 27)
     17:40 Transfer bloodtubes
     19:00 Wellbeing
     19:20 Telemetry (Start subject lay down [178h])
     19:30 Telemetry (Make ECG print [3x])
     19:35 Telemetry (Stop subject lay down [178h])
     19:35 Vital signs (BP, HR)
     19:40 Blood sampling

     • PK: Sample 28
     • SR PD 2-AG: Sample 314

     19:40 Transfer bloodtubes
     19:40 SB Dinner
     21:20 Telemetry (Start subject lay down [180h])
     21:30 Telemetry (Make ECG print [3x])
     21:35 Telemetry (Stop subject lay down [180h])
     21:35 Vital signs (BP, HR)
     21:40 Blood sampling (PK: Sample 29)
     21:40 Transfer bloodtubes
     21:40 Urine collection

     • Stop container 5
     • Start container 6

     21:40 Transfer Urine containers
     22:00 Intravenous catheter (Check)
     23:15 Telemetry (Continue)
     23:15 Urine collection (Continue)

     To be continued

   • Embed this notice
     Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:06:51 JST Erik Uden 🚩

     in reply to

     Day 010 of the Multiple Sclerosis Study
     (Compound Day 7) Thursday on 2024-09-12
     Groningen, Netherlands (GMT+1)

     Content Warning: Needles, and drug related medical stuff (panic attack), pain through medical actionsMy Schedule for Today

     07:15 Intravenous catheter (Insert)
     07:30 ECG (3x measurements)
     07:40 Wellbeing (Pre dose)
     07:40 Vital signs
     08:05 Transfer bloodtubes
     08:05 Blood sampling

     • PK: Sample 17
     • PL PD 2-AG: Sample 106
     • Expl BM: Sample 202
     • SR PD 2-AG: Sample 309

     08:10 CSF sampling

     • PD CSF: Sample 502
     • Collection 2

     08:10 Transfer CSF tubes
     08:10 Supervision

     • Start category 2 for CSF sampling

     09:10 Supervision

     • Stop category 2 for CSF sampling (1 hour after the CSF sampling of the last subject)

     09:10 Breakfast (Start on bed)
     09:40 Dose (R07268489 or placebo)
     09:40 Dase check
     09:40 Water fast (Start)
     11:40 Water fast (Stop)
     11:40 Morning snack
     13:10 Lunch
     15:00 Afternoon snack
     15:00 Intravenous catheter (Check)
     17:30 Dinner
     19:00 Wellbeing
     20:30 Evening snack
     22:00 Intravenous catheter (Check)

     My Stats for Today

     07:15-Now No effects
     08:10-Now increasing lower back pain (CSF)
     20:40-21:33 Strong emotional outbursts

     My Notes for Today

     ~08:10 (written afterwards)
     I was just in there for two minutes. I had no shivering, no fear. They said I was done the moment I thought that the procedure annoyed me. The doctor used a thinner needle, a different procedure, and recommended I lie in bed longer in order to prevent headaches. I laid in bed not for one hour, but for three.

     15:00
     Playing boardgames with my 4 study peers

     20:35
     This morning cannula sucks, they have to give me another one. I wanted to move this to the next day.

     20:55
     I am crying real tears because the cannula just hurt a million times more. During the whole process I'd be super in pain and the assistant doing the cannula just stopped moving (whilst staying stationary in a hurting position) and asked me to calm down. I was breathing heavily and got super disoriented. I asked to have a moment beforehand to prepare myself, because I was feeling a bit hypersensitive, she didn't really understand and only said “I will warn you before the needle comes”. I was breathing so heavily saying it hurts, her reassurance was simply “calm down”. Both of my arms are hard to use now. I feel super disoriented and have trouble finding the words of what I want to say to the doctors.

     I've suddenly gotten this feeling that I'm being used? I felt so weird about myself. The way I was seeing my body detached from myself was very strong again, for those who rember. I've looked at my right arm, three small needle wounds and a bigger red dot which was from the previous cannula. I looked at my left arm and saw / felt the mess from this morning (blood went places inside my arm), as well as several needle wounds. This sudden and overwhelming feeling of everything being very wrong came over me. In that moment, I cried.

     The fact a small frustration feels like the saddest thing ever is why I cried. I can hence say that I still have strong effects. In the past, these side effects never interfered with medical actions. The following days will be interesting, because I have to cope with feeling everything more intense and dramatic.

     21:08
     Other assistant's now telling me something with my new cannula is wrong again (it was hard to insert the salt solution, also my arm was numb after doing so. Please just do it tomorrow?? The drugs are letting me feel EVERYTHING, a lot more.

     21:33
     Ive calmed down a lot! I'll have a nice cup of sleep now, thx :))

   • Embed this notice
     Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:06:52 JST Erik Uden 🚩

     in reply to

     Day 009 of the Multiple Sklerosis Study
     (Compound Day 6) Wednesday on 2024-09-11
     Groningen, Netherlands (GMT+1)

     Content Warning: Needles, and drug related medical stuff (panic attack)My Schedule for Today

     07:30 Wellbeing (Pre dose)
     08:40 ECG (3x measurements)
     08:40 Vital signs (BP, HR)
     08:55 Blood sampling

     • PK: Sample 16
     • Clinical chemistry (see SSL)

     08:55 Transfer bloodtubes
     09:10 Breakfast (Start)
     09:40 Dose (RO7268489 or placebo)
     09:40 Dose check
     09:40 Water fast (Start)
     11:40 Water fast (Stop)
     11:40 Morning snack
     13:10 Lunch
     15:30 Afternoon snack
     18:30 Dinner
     19:00 Wellbeing
     21:30 Evening snack

     My Stats for Today

     (not personally recorded)

     My Notes for Today

     07:15 (written afterwards)
     I awoke with the sudden realization that I was still high. I woke up with about 30% of what I experienced the day prior - to me personally this strength was how I had positively used marihuana before. So, I woke up with a feeling that I would usually have when taking edibles. At that point I was fairly convinced I didn't have the placebo.

     09:40 (written afterwards)
     Whilst still high on a level I'd usually only have when eating an edible, I took another one of the vials with this medicine. That would only lead to the concentration of RO7268489 in my blood. Obviously I would only get higher.

     14:00 (written afterwards)
     My parents visited me and I showed them around. Still thinking that I'd be just as functioning here as anywhere else, as I did two days ago, I scheduled a work meeting on this very day. During / after the panic attack yesterday, I didn't think about canceling this event. I also didn't want to cancel it on the same day. That meant that I needed to do a business meeting whilst being on ~130% of the dose that made me have a panic attack yesterday.

     The meeting went okay, especially because I came clear at the end when everything was done and dusted. During the meeting, I would sometimes lose focus and was incapable of concentrating, I'd pause sometimes for a very long time, because I had a small blackout.

     16:00 (written afterwards)
     
     As my parents were gone, I got back to my bed and tried if I can work on some things, but even writing this report would've been too much. So, I just took it easy and calmed down.

   • Embed this notice
     Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:06:53 JST Erik Uden 🚩

     in reply to
     Content Warning: Needles, and drug related medical stuff (panic attacks)I may be placebo?

     Continuation

     What I'm trying to say here is that I heard that the previous day, three of the other members of this study felt very high during the afternoon. I didn't keep thinking about it, but I knew about it. Maybe due to me thinking this is like Cannabis due to the receptors, and considering my first time with Marijuana was a panic attack similar to what happened today, I was merely suggested into these symptoms? I guess we could only know for sure after this study is over and it is revealed whether I had the placebo or not. If I did have the placebo, this study would be perfect for figuring out how someone can be suggested into going through what I am going through today. Yet, as the assistant's said, it's real to me either way.

     That's just the thing I personally keep thinking about, as it's very embarrassing if I'm describing all of this and it turns out I had no real medicine causing this? So I was suggested into this panic attack? I'm still thinking about this a lot.

     Please don't end the study

     However, what I want to say as well is that I am still very happy with finishing this study! I think today the side effects were problematic, but the worst part was the panic attack induced by me not expecting something like this happening. Now that I am prepared, I would personally be too interested to see what happens after the next dose. I do not want to end the study, even if I had the same side effects tomorrow, I would probably deal with it better, maybe enjoy it, even, rather than being afraid of them, which was the problem.

     End of E-Mail segment.

     I guess that perfectly summarizes the event this day! The evening I was still 80% high, time passed weirdly, but I was no longer in shock about it.

     Also I didn't include the fact that this physician came very late after the event, because he was caught up in some meeting. Though, I must say, after the event and when initially met, I was his Number one attention. My morning wellbeings were now done with him directly. In the conversation I had with him, and after giving him my verdict of me wanting to continue this study, he told me that it was very medically safe to continue. When the doctors initially rushed to me since I sounded the alarm, they began doing all sorts of tests to figure out whether I was physically in some sort of danger, and I wasn't. Now knowing what would happen when I needed any help made me sure that I wanted to continue this study, despite these effects.

     I still had small moments of disorientation or other problems, but my concentration could fight against it and remind myself that everything was okay.

     Also... I wrote to my personal notes app at 21:33:

     Stroopwaffel is the best munchies food

     It was so true.

     I began trying to sleep at 23:00, and I was worried about one thing: what if I wake up tomorrow and still feel this high?

     That's it for this interesting day, folx! Let us hope something like this will not happen again :)

   • Embed this notice
     Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:06:54 JST Erik Uden 🚩

     in reply to
     Content Warning: Needles, and drug related medical stuff (panic attacks)How and Why Everything Happened

     Continuation

     An assistant put wet towels on my wrists and my neck, which pulled me further into reality. I knew a bit about these things and talked about hot chili bonbons, or a cold liquid for your forehead, or “center shocks” (candy), or ammonium which helps you wake up and come back to reality.

     I also felt incredibly hungry soon afterwards. At the time of the afternoon snack I had two pears, which didn't suffice.

     I also distracted myself by watching a calm and humorous TV show, but couldn't even finish one episode as my mind would always wander off, wanting to open other apps or writing people. I would basically have a worse impulse control. When I had the idea that I should do something (like write an E-mail) I would immediately do it, and on my way forget what I wanted to do, and then slowly later realize that I watched a TV show and wanted to do that.

     When the permanent observation by the assistant ended as I was feeling a lot more safe with what is occurring, it took me about 10 minutes to realize that he disappeared (despite him saying goodbye and explaining everything to me).

     During writing this at 17:32 I feel like a heavy weight was put on me. It stopped after a few minutes.

     The one problem I am seeing is that as of now (18:20) I only feel like the effect is 80% as high as during the beginning at 12:30. So it's still very high, despite a lot of time passing. I have figured out a way to deal with it, however!

     Similarities to first weed Trip

     Our German viewers may remember this where I talked about my first experience with weed. What happened today is exactly the same experience I had when I had a panic attack due to the sudden side effects of edibles

     Another thing I would like to add next to my experience today was the same as my experience of taking Marihuana for the first time. I had a very bad trip with a panic attack which worked almost exactly as what happened today. A few years ago when I was taking weed for the first (out of 4) time(s), I was overwhelmed by the swift realization that something happened; I lost control over my thoughts and concentration from one moment to the next, and I began panicking. I must've had a very similar panic attack back then, as the way I experienced it today. It feels very much the same as a “bad trip” starting with a panic attack.

     I may be placebo?

     (for some reason I was worried about the embarrassment of this happening on a placebo dose, it's 100% confirmed I have the compound, as three other people have the same symptoms, but one other person never felt anything. I could imagine my mind doing a lot, but waking up to feeling still high, that would be impossible)

     However, the entire thing may also be the power of suggestion. I was very interested in this study, even talked to you how some of the compound works. I've been thinking and saying that this compound must have similar effects to weed as it does something to the cannabinoid receptors. For the first day of the dose, I even experienced very light symptoms of that happening (a “good” trip). However, the first day we were also tested all day long and had to lie down a lot. The following days I didn't feel much except for dizziness and light headedness. The fact I was so overwhelmed today has a lot to do with the fact that the past days I never experienced anything like this, and hence expected the symptoms to be less and less each day. Maybe this won't ever happen again, maybe this state is now normal? We will not know.

     To be continued

   • Embed this notice
     Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:06:56 JST Erik Uden 🚩

     in reply to
     Content Warning: Needles, and drug related medical stuff (panic attacks)How and Why Everything Happened

     Continuation

     The feeling of surrealism was stronger now, and breathing in through the nose and out of my mouth also helped staying focused. I've asked for wet towels around my wrist and neck, which brought me much closer to reality.

     I was very scared in that initial moment and everything that happened later, for the same reason, or curtesy of, my panic attack.

     I kept trying to explain what happened, I probably repeated myself 3-4 times. The doctors and assistants always listened well and sometimes noted things down. For some time I believed that I could speak Dutch because I thought I understood the assistants.

     I would have waves of clearness or waves of further fear and further loss of control. I felt it coming from my upper stomach, but the assistants helped me to calm down.

     When I suggested the idea of “it would be embarrassing if I had the placebo, because then my mind just made this up”, the assistants reassured me that whether caused by the placebo or by the real medicine, what I'm experiencing is real.

     I also said that I found my own voice weird or annoying and felt like I was talking in a weird way. I also thought everything sounded “weird”.

     My initial experience with this happening was feeling overstimulated, hyperfixated, that I could both forget or oversee a person talking directly to me, and sometimes the quiet chatter from the room next door was the loudest thing I've heard.

     When I've been given my lunch (13:10), I had trouble eating it. I would either forget that it was there, or after finishing to make a bread, it felt like hours had passed. My feeling of time was gone.

     When starting to eat a slice of bread, I would believe that hours had passed, but when looking back at my bread, I saw the bread was still there and I barely ate any of it. I would sometimes look at the bread, having forgotten what I've done or why I am doing this. The motoric task of putting a topping like butter on my bread was very hard.

     Every feeling or emotion I had, I felt much stronger. When an assistant was noting something down at the front of the bed, I could feel it shiver from my legs to my hands, despite in a normal environment, the slight disturbance of a pen writing something wouldn't feel like the bed was shaking. Additionally, my fear was increased tenfold, the pain I felt from the sting to measure my blood sugar felt a lot worse, and when I laughed, I wouldn't stop for minutes on end.

     As I had mentioned at sometime during eating lunch that I “feel like a hamster”, the assistants joked that they'll now have to write that as one of the side effects of the medicine, and when I laughed about that joke I couldn't stop. The feeling was mich increased. The feeling of being a hamster came from the idea that my eating must be looking silly, because when I observed myself I saw that I didn't have the motor skills to easily and swiftly make a bread. I found it funny, sitting there eating a piece of bread like a hamster. I imagined myself being that, or thought people must perceive me this way.

     I never had any hallucinations or visual things happening outside of my mind. When I closed my eyes the effects would become stronger and I would see whatever my mind came up with. With my eyes opened I would sometimes be sent back to some idea / memory causing my concentration or line of thought to be broken, and me stumbling over words or having to stop talking altogether.

     At many given moments I felt like I could escape this if I very much tried and did everything I could to fight it and stay focused. When standing up right, moving, etc. I would initially often feel like it was gone for a moment, only for it to return later or overwhelm me once more.

     To be continued

   • Embed this notice
     Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:06:57 JST Erik Uden 🚩

     in reply to
     Content Warning: Needles, and drug related medical stuff (panic attacks)How and Why Everything Happened

     Continuation

     However, after looking away from the picture of cats, I felt like a long time passed. I was disoriented, because for some reason I believed I was with the cats (back in our home). I also had the sudden realization we got these cats 4 years ago. For some reason, I remember feeling as if we just got the cats, but the logic part of me heavily contradicted that position. That made me scared and panic, because one moment to the next I felt as if I've forgotten the last four years of my life. For some reason, my sense of time was completely lost. The hyperfocus on the images of my cats lead to me forgetting that I was at an ICON facility. I stood around and panicked, because I felt like I was teleported from my home to ICON in Groningen, and the past four years got simply inserted into my memory, but never really happened? For a moment I didn't know why I was here or what is going on. I was still sitting in a chair in the study room in this moment, so I got up.

     I noticed that something was not right, and everything around me became more and more surreal. I thought that I am maybe dreaming, as things became blurry. I distinctly remember that I had to convince myself that this is real, but that something was going very wrong. I stopped understanding much that was going on, but realized when going to the assistant's room that I had frequent black-outs (without fainting, or falling, of course), meaning there were / are holes in my memory.

     
     Everything feels blurry and I can only remember a few sparks of memories inbetween events, after this paragraph.
     

     I felt like I just started walking to the assistant's room next to the laundry room on the other side of the building, but suddenly I've found myself there, with no memory of walking. I knocked on the door, nobody opened.

     I walked back to my bed (13), a maximum of 5 minutes could only had passed since I began feeling like this, most likely even less. I kept thinking that it was much longer, because to me so many things have happened that certainly more time must've passed.

     When a much stronger version of dizziness, light headedness, and general loss of control, came over me, my first instinct was to press the alarm / emergency button on my wristband (whilst standing in front of my bed in my room). I could hold myself upwards, and when the assistant came in and asked “is there an emergency, or is everything fine?” (most likely perplexed as to her I was just standing there like a normal person, but to me hell was loose). I told her that I wasn't okay and I needed help.

     In the first 20 minutes of assistants arriving, helping me, doing blood pressure, heart rate, etc. tests to see why my state of being has come, I felt the effects much stronger, especially because I was lying on my bed instead of moving or standing up right, which made me sink into another world more swiftly.

     I felt like there was a cut and suddenly many people appeared. As if the past minutes were sped up. I immediately wanted to explain the situation and began talking about my symptoms and describing them in as good as detail as I could. I distinctly remember that I felt very competent in talking. I did stumble a lot, but still described my symptoms very accurately. I felt detached from my outside. In my mind, everything was going over and under, but when speaking it seemed like everything was okay. I masked my real emotions in that moment, meaning I was still in control and capable of doing that.

     Not only did I have trouble staying focused, I often forgot what I was doing and what was going on and began having long breaks inbetween sentences), but I also had trouble ending my sentences. Some words would simply miss from my dictionary. I often just said German words in English sentences.

     To be continued

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     Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:06:58 JST Erik Uden 🚩

     in reply to

     Hidden Meme

     Everything for this day, from this point on, unless otherwise specified, was written two days later!

     My Side-Effects from the Event

     12:30-13:10 Panic Attack
     12:30-15:30 Severe Disorientation
     12:30-15:30 Nausea
     12:30-15:30 Sense of Time being weird
     12:30-15:30 Hyperfocus
     12:30-15:30 Hypersensibility
     12:30-15:30 Constantly Distracted / not focused
     12:30-14:30 Not able to speak / finish sentences
     12:30-15:30 Less impulse control
     12:30-15:30 Long thinking breaks
     13:15-14:00 Felt like a Hamster
     
     After the mentioned ending times of each side effect (except for the panic attack), the effect continued, but decreased throughout the day. At 17:30, it felt 80% as strong as 12:30 when everything started. By the next morning (of 009) I didn't feel hungover, I felt the effects 30% as strong as when it started.
     

     Content Warning: Mentions of Needles, and mentions of drug related medical stuff (hospitals, panic attacks, etc.)My Notes for the Event

     First of all, yes, the “I am currently having a panic attack” post was made during a panic attack. My initial response after calming down a small amount, lying on my bed, surrounded by doctors going all around, was look at my phone to “calm down”, however I got the sudden urge to post to Mastodon about this. It was a (working) distraction.

     I don't quite understand what my goal of the “Gigachad” meme was, or why I put it there. I just suddenly thought of that image in my head and couldn't stop laughing, as if it was the best joke I've ever heard. I don't even know what this is supposed to mean, it's “based” to have a panic attack? “but I'm posting on Mastodon despite all this” mindset? Where was the joke here? I guess it was the juxtaposition of something so serious paired with an image giving off more meme vibes.

     Regardless, that same day, when things calmed down, the physician (often presented as the highest authority on the study) asked me to E-Mail him an exact description of my experience. Whilst still high and recovering from it, I've written the following text for over an hour! I have titled some segments to make it easier to read through...

     How and When Everything Happened

     At around 11:00 AM, when I was sitting in the study room, I noticed larger side effects than usual (higher dizziness, more nausea). I just finished a work meeting (which started 10:00 AM), with zero side effects or weird feelings.

     The dizziness slowly came and got stronger, but I ignored it or didn't care to notice it, because I've had softer versions of these side effects the days before and it was never a big deal. After day one of the compound, the side effects completely vanished for me, which is in a stark contrast to my colleagues who have experienced quite strong symptoms of “being high” just the day prior. I would make a few more slip ups during my work because of this feeling, but I didn't think much of it.

     At exactly 12:30, my mother had sent a picture of our cats into the family group chat. This was the moment where a large wave of this effect hit me. I looked at the picture of cats and was both concentrated and distracted from the image, that I didn't even feel anything around me disappearing. If it wasn't in my immediate vision, it was simply not part of my reality. Some impulse driving me to continue working got ahold of me, so wanted to turn back to my laptop.

     To be continued

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     Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:06:59 JST Erik Uden 🚩

     in reply to

     Here's the deal, last statement for Mastodon for this evening: the compound is given daily in 0.6mg per dose. This study is supposed to check how quickly the body dissolves this compound and for how long it stays. This means it is currently not known what the half time for it is, or when we can expect such side-effects to end! We are just given a dose daily, and there is a good chance we are increasing its level daily.

     In case I do not continue writing in my previous very clear and coordinated style, I will probably have a prolonged feeling like this. Multiple doctors asked whether I wanted to end the study as a result of what happened today. I will have to decide. I am very much certain, however, that I will be better prepared tomorrow, so it won't hit me unexpectedly.

     We will see!! Tomorrow is a new day ^ ^

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     Erik Uden 🚩 (erikuden@mastodon.de)'s status on Sunday, 15-Sep-2024 20:07:00 JST Erik Uden 🚩

     I saw spongebob to calm down during / after the initial event, this scene came up and I thought “this is absolutely how I am feeling right now”