Notices by Alice McFlurry :bc: (alice@beige.party)

If you’re looking for a low/no calorie mayonnaise substitute that actually tastes good, this is not it.

Does anyone know what these pills are? They're odorless, but they taste kind of bitter and it sort of burned when I snorted one.

It's a good thing @KevBot drew this terrifying cartoon image of us on our calendar to remind me that today is our 14th wedding anniversary.

They really blew it when they didn't name these "Just the Tip!"

I saw one of those maps that shows how people in different regions voted with red being Republican and blue being Democrat and the majority was sadly red, but someone commented by saying that the blue area is where most people live and the red area is where cows shit and it was 100% accurate.

Texting/calling/DMing about an email you sent is a great way to ensure your email is the last one that gets read.

This dog food ad came on and I was only half paying attention until it switched over to this shot with this caption and I was like WTF?

I made the mistake of wearing overalls to a train museum and random kids started asking me questions as if I worked there so I just made up a bunch of random stuff to hopefully teach them that they should always ask for credentials moving forward.

FYI on the latest scam going around. https://beige.party/@TheEddieShow/114920359799903494

Friend: Do you want to hang out next week?
Me: No, I’ll be sick.
Friend: You know you’re going to be sick a week in advance?
Me: Yeah, that’s just what social gatherings do to me.

@adhdeanasl Yes! If you open ANY establishment, please name the flagship whatever the Sloppy Papa.

@adhdeanasl This reminds me of when my company hired this local German brat haus to cater an event and I posted this photo to the company's slack channel to thank them for the event.

I’m thinking about creating an audiobook that comes in the form of nonsensical short tracks that can be shuffled to tell a different story each time.

Kelly expanded her arms like a flying squirrel and whispered...

"Who wants to get slimy?"

Bruce climbed out of his bunker and exclaimed...

"Cuddle party starts at noon!"

Gwendolyn retorted with an emphatic sigh...

"Sloppy papa on deck!"

Whenever I poke my head outside of the Fediverse, I immediately retreat back into my little shell because the rest of the Internet looks like this:

Why I voted for Trump (and will do it again in 2028)

I lost 50 pounds in one month by only eating those sponge dinosaurs that come in tiny capsules

20 child stars who grew up to be way less sexy than we'd hoped

My favorite game on Facebook is posting a photo of something boring like a flower so that all of my family members will like it and then I go back months later and edit the post to change the photo to something like an illustration of ALF erotic fan art so it will look like my family liked that instead.

I thought I saw a cool black metal kid wearing corpse paint, but then I realized it was just a little league player.

If you think I post dumb stuff on here, you should see the even dumber stuff in my notes app.

It's been a week, so it's time for another installment of "awkward things I said that my husband recommended I keep confined to my notes app."

@alice@lgbtqia.space @amiserabilist @Guillotine_Jones @TheBreadmonkey When worlds collide.

Someone told me that I shouldn’t need to quote pop culture references in order to be interesting so I was like hasta la vista, baby.