Notices by Alice McFlurry :bc: (alice@beige.party)

I just remembered an odd little interaction at my doctor's appointment yesterday.

Nurse: Are you wearing a mask because you're experiencing symptoms of COVID?

Me: No, I’m wearing a mask because I don’t want to put myself at risk of catching COVID.

I seriously don’t know how this is still a question, especially in a medical setting where I think EVERYONE should be wearing masks, even before COVID was a thing.

I’m always at least two steps ahead of you because I’m actually WAY behind you, but Earth is a sphere.

This lady is taking FOREVER to tell this story and now I’m really regretting eavesdropping in the first place.

Does anyone have a 3-D printer? I'd really like a kettlebell shaped like truck nuts.

I'm seriously baffled by this new thing where everyone is talking about how, if you buy shredded cheese, you should rinse it to get the powder off it.

Bruh...

1. Running cheese under water sounds gross.
2. If you're going to put forth THAT much effort, just buy a block of cheese and shred it, you dummies.

Hi, Vatican. Hit me up if you want a line on my new chimney-smoked popcorn called PopeCorn because we all know Catholicism loves to monetize.

I’m the main bread winner in the family because I enter a lot of grocery store sweepstakes.

My husband is at this work conference and they have the typical conference-y swag bags full of company branded merch.

Today is the last day and the company decided that a good team building activity would be to go to a homeless encampment and pass out bags of stuff and I was mortified like "Y'all. Are they really handing out shit like [Company Name] mousepads to the homeless?!?"

Crisis averted because these bags were totally different bags full of stuff like socks and toothpaste, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that those things still had the company name printed all over them.

You're welcome, Nazis.

If you need to get a bad tattoo covered, I recommend getting a larger tattoo of a creepy flasher dude exposing himself so you can cover his penis with a black censor bar that's actually covering your bad tattoo.

I hate when people say things"pie hole" because,I don't know if they're talking about a mouth hole or butt hole.

I read that saying "please" and "thank you" in ChatGPT is costing OpenAI millions of dollars, so I want everyone to use ChatGPT to ask how to say please and thank you in every language and then paste the entire list into ChatGPT whenever please and thank you apply.

Please and thank you.

You're welcome.

I miss when AI meant
Weird Al Yankovic.

I keep getting targeted ads for super weird “sexy robot” fetish stuff because I accidentally clicked on a link to super weird “sexy robot” fetish stuff ONE TIME and then again a bunch of additional times.

It's 2025. Why is the human body still so gross and mortal?

RFK Jr.: Autistic people will never pay taxes.

Me: [Sending a copy of my autism diagnosis to the IRS in lieu of payment]

Nietzsche rhymes with quiche, which I pronounce as kwee-chuh.

One of my favorite episodes of Love on the Spectrum is when one of the guys attends a speed dating event and he's sitting at a table with a "date" and visibly marks her as a "no" on his speed dating checklist as they're both sitting at the table. 😂

If you take the USPS logo and rotate it 90 degrees counterclockwise, it looks like a nun.