Notices by Alice McFlurry :bc: (alice@beige.party)

You're welcome, Nazis.

If you need to get a bad tattoo covered, I recommend getting a larger tattoo of a creepy flasher dude exposing himself so you can cover his penis with a black censor bar that's actually covering your bad tattoo.

I hate when people say things"pie hole" because,I don't know if they're talking about a mouth hole or butt hole.

I read that saying "please" and "thank you" in ChatGPT is costing OpenAI millions of dollars, so I want everyone to use ChatGPT to ask how to say please and thank you in every language and then paste the entire list into ChatGPT whenever please and thank you apply.

Please and thank you.

You're welcome.

I miss when AI meant
Weird Al Yankovic.

I keep getting targeted ads for super weird “sexy robot” fetish stuff because I accidentally clicked on a link to super weird “sexy robot” fetish stuff ONE TIME and then again a bunch of additional times.

It's 2025. Why is the human body still so gross and mortal?

RFK Jr.: Autistic people will never pay taxes.

Me: [Sending a copy of my autism diagnosis to the IRS in lieu of payment]

Nietzsche rhymes with quiche, which I pronounce as kwee-chuh.

One of my favorite episodes of Love on the Spectrum is when one of the guys attends a speed dating event and he's sitting at a table with a "date" and visibly marks her as a "no" on his speed dating checklist as they're both sitting at the table. 😂

If you take the USPS logo and rotate it 90 degrees counterclockwise, it looks like a nun.

Every pharmaceutical commercial in America:

If you're depressed, ask your doctor about Blissodone.

*Some patients who took Blissodone reported gastrointestinal issues. If you experience this, ask your doctor about Gastolase.

**Some patients who took Gastolase reported vision loss. If you experience this, ask your doctor about Ocumaxify.

***Some patients who took Ocumaxify reported suicidal thoughts. If you experience this, ask your doctor about Blissodone.

@aral Can we please go back in time to a day ago when I was told this story so you can reply with this while I'm simultaneously laughing at them?

People think I’m cold and unsympathetic because I'm autistic, but the reality is that the things they want me to be sympathetic about are stupid.

Case in point: a neighbor drove their snowmobile over ice on a frozen lake and the ice broke and their snowmobile fell in.

You wanna know an easy way to prevent this from happening? Don’t drive your snowmobile on a frozen lake no matter how frozen you think that ice is, you dummy.

Sometimes I dream about how much more successful I'd be if I grew up rich and was able to be legacied into an Ivy League school instead of my dad's court mandated traffic school.

I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but I do believe there's a connection between autism and vaccinations. For example, I’m autistic and very interested in science and logic and also care about my health and longevity so I want to receive almost every vaccine out there.

I end all of my work emails with "Your silence is considered your blessing" to put the onus on the other person to respond if they want to request any changes; otherwise, I’m doing what I want to do.

Kind of jealous of the people who live in the alternate timeline where Trump didn't turn his head.

Not to beat a dead horse

because that sounds sadistic AF.