Notices by Alice McFlurry :bc: (alice@beige.party)

Urgent! Please help me choose the most professional LinkedIn profile pic!

The piggy is so full that I had to shove a twenty dollar bill in the slot because I couldn't fit the rest of the quarters.

Somebody's getting smashed!

@dannotdaniel Sure. Whoever guesses closest without going over wins a puzzle in the form of broken pieces of a ceramic piggy bank and a tube of Gorilla Glue (provided they pay for postage).

@dannotdaniel Can I borrow a broom and a dustpan?

Let me know if you want me to tell you all about Swedish indie pop over an impassioned, uninterrupted hour-long knowledge dump.

Most people can't tell that I’m autistic because all of the subjects and concepts that I'm obsessed with are actually very cool and interesting.

Mad respect for social workers because both of those words sound terrible.

There are a lot of smart people on Mastodon, so which one of you wrote your dissertation on the phenomenon where you don’t really need to pee but then you get home and you're like 2 feet from the toilet and suddenly you REALLY need to pee and there is a very real chance you won’t make it if you can't unzip and pull down your pants on time? Because I honestly need to feel not so alone in this cold, dark world.

I also learned that the piggy has a lower back tattoo of Trump's signature that it refers to as a "Trump Stamp."

Please let me smash this piggy.

Here is actual video footage of the piggy.

I just realized that @RickiTarr has a little over 9,800 followers which is SO close to 10,000.

I know pretty much everyone on Mastodon is already following her because she is the absolute best, but I'm hoping we can find 200 new followers to get her to 10K because I really like multiples of five and 10K is a lovely number.

If you're not already following @RickiTarr, will you please fix this ASAP?

#FollowFriday
#FollowSaturday

Great. Now I need to write a black metal song that's just about how much I want to smash a piggy, but how I’m not allowed to smash said piggy.

@Fragglemuppet 😂❤️

I went on vacation to Hawaii and saw a lot of cool stuff!

Every so often, a goose gets called out for being silly because most of those fuckers are dead serious. I’m looking at you, Canada.

I like bicycle shorts because people assume it means I’m athletic, but it's really only so my thighs don’t rub together.

@Mrfunkedude I feel bad for you. You're more than welcome to come dip your junk in my aunt's swamp if you don’t want the added expense and restriction of some spandex shorts.

@Mrfunkedude This is not a euphemism. My aunt has a swamp on her property that I’m almost pretty sure she'd let you use.

@Mrfunkedude Correction: I reached out to her on Facebook and she said they're protected wetlands, but I’m sure they're capable of serving a similar purpose should you ever find yourself in the Hamptons.

US health insurance is like boner pills? Got U covered, fam.

Teeth? GTFO. You need different insurance for that.