Church of Jeff
#ActuallyAutistic #autistic #autism
Full honest question.
As an autistic person, do you rather have someone TELL you that they don't want to be friends with you or would you rather be ghosted?
I study philosophy and ethics/morality to a really deep level and hold myself to a personal level of integrity and honor.
If you move in the world in a manner that you want to give as much positive as you can and reduce the negative, hold onto your integrity, then the answer seems obvious.
MORE ->
Church of Jeff
But it is the wrong answer.
Even if the target of your "telling" is autistic themselves, that isn't what they want.
The correct answer is ghosting the situation, apparently, based on my life now.
Church of Jeff
@log -- LoL... The whole point of this post is to sort of show that this is the wrong answer.
As a person that identifies as neurodivergent, if you also identify as such, I follow a different modus operandi.
I'm not forced to pre-process everything and run it through "neuro-typical" calculus before speaking or acting.
I'm running in "neuro-divergent" code and sort of assume (with great success with other neuro-divergents) that other neuro-divergents have similar sensibilities.
Log 🪵
@jeffowski I'd need to be told. A side effect of perceiving time differently is that ghosting me is simply pausing the relationship. If I remember you at all, I'll remember you as the person I last encountered. Conversely, I don't ghost anyone; I just forget that other people may require regular contacts, even if there is no significant information to communicate.
"I consider you an acquaintance, and would prefer to stay there."
There are only so many for whom I can help bury a body.
LemLems
I would always rather be told, always.
Someone telling me I’m not their cup of tea or I’m not a priority in their life or that I’ve behaved in a way they can’t tolerate might be briefly hurtful but I can understand & accept it.
Ghosting is cowardly, selfish & cruel - it gives no chance for me to have closure or find acceptance. The ghoster saves themself the brief discomfort of an awkward conversation at the cost of leaving me wondering what I did for months
Church of Jeff
@Lemlems @pathfinder -- And again, this is the wrong answer. Ghosting was the right answer.
The person that I felt too many red-flags over has blown a gasket now that I've rejected the friendship and ALL the issues that were red flags and pointing to other possible issues have also blown up and confirmed all the red-flags and my feelings about the situation.
They have also proven to be a MAGAt and has become the most nasty person ever.
I also think there is some other background. MORE ->
Church of Jeff
The other reason he is getting all butthurt over it is because I found out that he has a daughter that is very low contact with him.
Apparently, I picked up on all the red-flags really early on and they were all true.
Church of Jeff
And another big issue that has come up in this discussion on another forum:
The person claimed to be Autistic, but this seems be a big thing among the Elon Musk/Donald Trump crowd. I don't actually think this guy is autistic, but uses it as an excuse for his awful behaviors.
I believe this is the actual case and why the "correct answer" is actually the "wrong answer" and this bit of information is the key to understanding all of this.
Church of Jeff
@dragonfrog -- I'm autistic and this other person claimed to be autistic, so I THOUGHT my actions were the preferred honorable actions.
But if you read the thread, I'm not quite certain the other person's claims of being autistic is true (see thread about how a lot of Elon Musk/Donald Trump supporters are claiming Autism for themselves and using it as a shield for bad behavior).
And all my red-flags ended up being true and this guy is a MAGA. He's butthurt and now I have to consider my safety.
dragonfrog
@jeffowski to be clear - do you mean you are an autistic person desiring answers from anyone, or are you asking that autistic people in particular answer the question?
Church of Jeff
@NadCee -- In this case, we were casual community members and things ramped up that pushed us together in the past month.
They also claimed to be autistic, but proved to be a MAGA person, and there is a whole other discussion about how fans of Elon Musk and Donald Trump claim the autism label because it is used for the excuse for their bad behavior(s).
Nad :imagination:
In my still neurodivergent perspective, it really depends on how much you knew the person beforehand. On a dating app, if we've never talked before I don't owe you an answer. If we talked a little bit, I'll usually say if I want to stop talking but it depends. If I know the person well, I'll always say, because I know what it is to ruminate for days wondering if you've done something wrong and it sucks. (2/2)
Nad :imagination:
@jeffowski I'm not autistic so I don't have an opinion on that side, but the answer interests me, as I often cross paths with autistic people. (1/2)
GNU social JP is a social network, courtesy of GNU social JP管理人. It runs on GNU social, version 2.0.2-dev, available under the GNU Affero General Public License.
All GNU social JP content and data are available under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 license.