Notices by Kevin Davy (pathfinder@beige.party)

@hellomiakoda
It's at times like these that I would be gargling beer like crazy. To kill the taste if nothing else. (Even though there's probably no taste, to me there still would be in my mind.)

@hellomiakoda
That sounds awful. :bear_hugs:

@hellomiakoda
It's always interesting. 😀

@hellomiakoda
Not a problem. 😀

@ideogram
And in my lifetime ago, 50+ years ago, it was proper milk too.

@hellomiakoda
See it 😊

@hellomiakoda
We're not a bad bunch, considering what a diverse group of misfits we are. Which is also why we love you here

This has been said before, by many people, and far better than I will. But it bears repeating, probably as often as it can be.

Autism is a neurological difference. We think and process differently. We just don't work in the same ways as others. Most of us, growing up, are more than aware of this. But not necessarily why, or to what degree. We just recognise that we are different. But, this isn't exactly something that can be discussed. Often the feeling is nebulous at best, other times it can feel embarrassing and far too personal. But in any case, trying to talk about things like this, especially as children, is never going to be a particularly safe or wise choice.

So instead, we bury the feelings deeply and try to get on with life as best we can. This is normally done through learning to mask and in avoiding as much as possible those situations where our difference is made most noticeable. In fact, many of us get so good at this that we can wander for years, or even decades, through life without ever reaching the understanding that we are autistic.

But when we do reach this stage, it involves a process of coming to terms with it and understanding what it means. It requires months, often years, of research to come to terms with and to overcome the false stereotypes and ableism that many of us carry. This is what is called self-diagnosis and sometimes it is as far as we go. For many of us it is enough, or we have reached a point in our lives where getting an official diagnosis is not worth it. Or even possible. Many systems, whether on purpose or not, make it all but impossible for people over a certain age, or people of colour, or female presenting, to be able to get officially diagnosed. Or it is simply too prohibitively expensive to even try.

It is for this reason that the vast majority of autistic spaces welcome all those who think they are actually autistic, even those that are only just beginning to explore the notion, the self-diagnosed and the officially diagnosed. Because this is all the actually means, that we think we are autistic, as opposed to those who aren't, but who still want to speak on behalf of or about autism. It is also why the actuallyautistic hashtag and @actuallyautistic group are open to us all too, not to divide autistics into those diagnosed and those not. Because that is simply a distinction over the route to the knowledge, not the knowledge itself.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

@hellomiakoda @actuallyautistic
Good luck with the shopping. Hopefully it's not too much of a shock.

@actuallyautistic

One of the things that I love about the autistic community here and which I found very surprising when I first joined, is that so many of us here are older and very much late in realising or being diagnosed as autistic. It makes for a very diverse range of experiences and in many cases opinions. However, it does mean that we tend to share two things in common.

One. We've spent most of our lives knowing only that we didn't belong. More often than not, without knowing why, or even how sometimes. Because, we certainly tried to. My god, did we try to. Often in ways that we shouldn't have and with people that we certainly shouldn't have. Which often led to no small amount of failures and disasters, rejection and betrayal, pain and suffering, trauma and in many cases, PTSD.

Two. That we learnt early to hide, in one way or another. Either literally, in the isolated nooks and crannies that we soon learnt the uncanny art of finding everywhere we had to be. Or, behind the masks we grew to try and fit in, or, at the very least, not to stand out. Because standing out, being actually seen, was always dangerous. It was, perhaps, the earliest lesson that many of us would have learnt. That in the world outside, no matter who you were with, or where you were, you were only a mis-step away from being abused, or criticised. That we were frightfully, truly alone and being you, was to be attacked. So, is it any wonder that we tend to have more than our fair share of anxiety and stress issues, depression and barely, if not even close to being, healed scars.

Now, I'm not saying that we are alone in this, or that it doesn't equally apply to many groups, or other autistics who have been diagnosed earlier. Unfortunately, for so many, far from it. I'm just saying that we just tend to have a rather long and unique history with it. Does it always show up in what we post? No, in fact many of us try very hard to not dwell upon it. We have finally found a place where we belong and a community that we can be ourselves in and why dwell on the dark. It's not as if it is really going anywhere.

But, it does make us very vulnerable to what is going on at the moment. Either because we are directly involved, or because of all the news coming out of America and how we can see people are being affected, especially our friends. It's hard not to feel, not to be overwhelmed by it, especially when you consider how sensitive and emphatic we can be and the nature of our histories. There is just so much.

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to it. We can work on filtering our timelines, as much as it can work anyway. We can step away, for a time or for as long is it takes, there's certainly no shame in that. Some of us will want to get involved and some will want to keep on posting as normal. Not because we don't care, or feel anything, but because it's the only way we know how to fight the darkness, of our own history and of the world outside. We will all have to find out what will work for us, because, this isn't ending any time soon, and allow others to do the same.

But to the rest of the Fediverse, if you come to read this. Please remember that there are those of us who are already hurt, who have always been hurting. Who have known nothing but being marginalised and isolated and a target for all the hate that is out there. So, don't be surprised if we ask you to CW your posts, or spell names and hashtags correctly, so that our filters can work. Don't begrudge us posting as normal, our pictures of cats and dogs, our silly humour and tales of normality. It doesn't mean that we don't care, in fact far from it.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

@hellomiakoda
These are all good things. But, it also pays to remember that with your skill sets, you are not entirely powerless to help.

@hellomiakoda
We have, as autistics, a wonderful ability to see crystal clearly into the future. All the options, all the possibilities. Unfortunately, we tend to concentrate on the absolute worst case, because it's the only way we know how to prepare for it, should it happen. I fear, things will not get easier for you, until you can begin to see the true shape of the land that is to become. :bear_hugs:

@hellomiakoda
It has been my pleasure and honour to interact with you here, and to read your posts. Even if most of them are in this strange arcane tongue, that I don't understand, and that seem to be referring to some possessed and possibly demonic devices of an obviously dark and sinister purpose.
I truly hope that 2025 isn't the complete shit-show, that so many fear and that, if anything, it turns out well for you.
:bear_hugs:

@hellomiakoda @actuallyautistic
We tend to put a lot more effort and thought into it. Often, because it's a form of pebble love.

@punishmenthurts @hellomiakoda @actuallyautistic
I tend to be the same. Although, my nieces got money for years, because as a kid I would have far preferred it, to most of the shit I did end up with.

@hellomiakoda @actuallyautistic
Indeed. It doesn't help that, in my experience anyway, the majority of gifts fall into, what the hell do I want that for? and, I asked for X and you've gone out of your way to buy me something completely different and only because you and only you, think it will so much better. I'm pretty sure the finest actors in the world would struggle. How we were ever supposed to get away with it, is beyond me.

@hellomiakoda @actuallyautistic
We can't even entirely get away from them, even if we wanted to. The roads are too busy, the shops are too busy and everyone's in your face and telling you how you're supposed to be feeling. For God's sake, it's relentless.

@actuallyautistic

For those of you who visit family on Christmas and wonder why you always feel so tired afterwards. And, I suppose, for those who don't wonder, but may still find this interesting.

You are in your best clothes. Which, let's face it, aren't your comfy pj's, or normal comfy clothes and which feel weird and more than a little restrictive. If not downright scratchy and uncomfortable and always make you wonder why you have to be tortured this way.

The smells assailing you are all Christmasy. From the cooked food, to the scented candles and diffusers and no one else is really noticing or seems to care. But they're quietly driving you up the wall and if you're really unlucky, upsetting your chest and breathing. But, you daren't say anything, because that's just wrong and upsets everyone and once again marks you as the person who ruins everything. And yet it's still all you can be aware of and just wish would stop.

You're currently trying to listen to what your loved ones are saying. Whilst hearing what every one else is saying, the music, which is supposed to be in the background, but isn't to you, or the t.v. that's been left on. Whilst at the same time desperately parallel processing, what they're saying, what it means, up to and including any obvious traps and pitfalls, like the fact that your Aunt really doesn't want to know that her outfit makes her look like a cheap hooker, and which of the multiple possible responses is in fact the one they want, or which will get you out of this moment the quickest and with the least pain. Or, how to frame what you actually want to say in a way that they will understand, accept, or, more likely, swallow without a fight or the sort of reply that sends you back to the trauma of your youth, triggers your imposter syndrome, or merely denies your very existence once again to the obvious, but not really knowing what they are doing, amusement of the rest of your family.

That you're hyperaware of your body and its movements. Trying desperately to keep it still and "normal" and not be all weird and attract the attention of the jokers in your family, who will delight in pointing it out. That you're constantly checking where you are looking and how long you do so. The eye contact that you have to fake and desperately trying to ensure that people don't notice what you're doing. That you don't inadvertently zone out and come out of it to realise that everyone's realised that you've been staring blankly at your cousin's tits for the last whatever minutes. Because that's never not uncomfortable, or ends well. Or, that you might inadvertently look at someone who takes that as an invitation to pin you against a wall and talk your ears off, because that's what you really, really, don't want.

And all the time you're desperately trying to remember all the protocols of family and getting on with them. Of accepting the utterly useless piece of crap that they've just given you, as the best Christmas present ever, with the appropriate appreciation and response. Or the food that's offered you, or served for dinner. All the various kindnesses and moments that they lovingly give to you and that you want to deal with well and certainly without disappointing, upsetting, or starting, yet again, the family's favourite game of, who's going to blame you and who's going to defend you and how big an argument and upset is that going to cause and how much of it will be blamed on you anyway.

That ultimately you don't know how long you're supposed to stay, or can stay without running out of steam and letting the whole facade crash around you. Even though you really want to stay and be with your family, but are only too aware that the wheels will come off sooner or later and that no matter how much you'll end up disappointing the ones you love the most, and want to upset the least, that you'll still probably stay too long and disappoint them anyway. And then you end up worrying and dwelling over that and using up the last of what little energy remains, trying to get it right.

So hopefully this explains why you can end up so tired and have a merry Christmas.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

@actuallyautistic

On my stupid autistic brain.

Last week I received notification that the power would be out today (Tuesday) due to necessary electrical work being done on the flats I live in. Of course, stupid brain went straight into planning mode. What will I need to do and when. What steps will I need to take to ensure that I have what I need whilst the power was out. Days of making plans, thinking and rethinking what I needed, lists scattered about the flat to remind me, amended and then amended again. Endless hours of mental preparation and thought and all because of a few hours without power.

And then, despite the fact that the assurance was that the power would be back on by 4pm, 5pm at the latest, stupid brain was all, but what if it isn't, what then, have you thought of that, no you haven't? So, of course, I had to make plans for that as well, just to keep stupid brain happy and stop it from endlessly fretting and bugging me.

Well, guess what. The power wasn't back on by 4pm, or even 5pm. It didn't come back on until 9pm. Which just goes to show. Sometimes our strange and different ways of looking at something, aren't so weird at all. They can be very wise and stupid brain, isn't so stupid after all. 😀

#Autism
#Actuallyautistic

To my non-UK peeps perhaps confused by news reports about the storm currently visiting our fair land and the way we might be speaking about it. Here is a handy guide
It's a bit brisk out there,
There's terrified people being swept through the air clinging desperately onto their umbrellas like so many Mary Poppins wannabes.
It's a mite damp,
It's biblical, the land is becoming the rivers and sea and everything's getting swept away.
It's getting quite interesting out there,
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, we're all going to die.

Hope it helps. 😂