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   cyuu :happyday: (dommymommy@shitposter.world)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:23:26 JST cyuu :happyday:
   I complained to a friend about how I was worried I was losing some of my vocabulary with no other context and he made this within 5 minutes :acat_awkward: it's all true though
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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:24:16 JST meso

     in reply to
     @dommymommy im losing a lot of my personality trying to make friends irl but i live in the dumbest shithole in existence so i should stop trying and just like... Misanthropemax
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     cyuu :happyday: (dommymommy@shitposter.world)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:27:08 JST cyuu :happyday:

     in reply to

     • meso
     @meso are you just making horrible friends?
     meso likes this.
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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:34:21 JST meso

     in reply to
     @dommymommy I just... do. idk, over the last year I've gone from the least burdened and most mentally healthy and aware and cope/trauma-free person I know, to a mess. and with that I've lost my personality and I think a lot of it is due to coming back into social life here and trying to fit in even though obviously I shouldn't fall down to their level or even try to be friends given they're fundamentally different from me and bring absolutely no value to me. and of course I can't really be honest about myself to others, which makes it even worse
     
     and I've stopped being able to draw really, I mean not the ability itself but the ability to come up with anything and just draw. I have trouble even talking to people online. idk. not much of a reason to it, that's the worst thing about it. just randomly started declining
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     cyuu :happyday: (dommymommy@shitposter.world)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:34:22 JST cyuu :happyday:

     in reply to

     • meso
     @meso you’re losing your personality?! how?
     meso likes this.
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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:34:56 JST meso

     in reply to
     @dommymommy i'm just in a shithole. can't make any friends I think I've dumbed myself down for others
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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:35:52 JST meso

     in reply to

     • meso
     @dommymommy I mean I have acquaintances and some older friends but I think it should be expected. idk I can't even really be myself online either anymore just don't have the energy. Fakecel meso arc
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     cipote :bishrexual: (teratology@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:35:54 JST cipote :bishrexual:

     in reply to

     • meso

     @meso @dommymommy it's normal to go through phases. I shift in and out of normie moding but if my friends and bf didn't invite me out I'd stay at home to myself more often. I like being alone, and I enjoy my alone time, but it's different than being lonely.

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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:37:16 JST meso

     in reply to

     • cipote :bishrexual:
     @teratology @dommymommy prior to this year I never felt loneliness, I may have been alone but I didn't mind, it was really nice actually. don't know what happened, I really have felt lonely this year almost constantly. literally never experienced a feeling of loneliness or of depression before this. so proud of past me, I think I can get back to that although maybe with more energy or something to be happy about in life. I used to not have something to be happy about in life but still do it because idk i was just built different. and now the fact I'm not is additionally crushing
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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:41:01 JST meso

     in reply to

     • meso
     • cipote :bishrexual:
     @teratology @dommymommy I think I fell into boxes like those of "loneliness", I mean I don't have to feel this way technically speaking. it is a general heavy feeling and especially after being in a shit relationship it's even harder to get rid of, but really it's something I've adopted for some reason and now can't shake off. I do think some other factor needs to come in to make me shine a light on how ridiculous the concept of loneliness is but I'm not sure what that factor is. feels like something needs to come into place for that to happen. maybe if I found someone to love or whatever, but honestly if I can't be doing good alone like I used to I don't think that's really me, I need to return to how I actually was. and I need to form a proper opinion about this rather than being able to write an essay with no coherent conclusion or overall specific thing to get out of this topic
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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:45:31 JST meso

     in reply to

     • meso
     • cipote :bishrexual:
     @dommymommy @teratology I wish I'd be closer to a lot of the people I know online but that takes effort and having a personality that I used to have but is now just lacking in those qualities. although there is no other way, no one's gonna come and be like Hey let's talk!!, only I used to do that to people and wondered why no one else did. actually just realized that, no wonder I barely talk to anyone given I lost that part of my personality. I thought it was annoying or something and felt embarrassed. I mean, yes, but I don't think that was the way in retrospect
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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:52:06 JST meso

     in reply to

     • meso
     • cipote :bishrexual:
     @dommymommy @teratology all of these ramblings are a mess, I used to psychobabble like this but much more conclusive and targeted, it was very healthy now it's just like commenting on what I'm observing about myself with no clear vision for what's wrong or where to go
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     VIPPER :verifiedbulgaria-web: (vipper@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:53:22 JST VIPPER :verifiedbulgaria-web:

     in reply to

     • meso
     • cipote :bishrexual:
     @meso @dommymommy @teratology
     meso... :(
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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:53:58 JST meso

     in reply to

     • cipote :bishrexual:
     • VIPPER :verifiedbulgaria-web:
     @VIPPER @dommymommy @teratology mesoniggers crushed by muhosransk. They're putting chemicals in the water that are turning the fucking mesos retarded
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     cyuu :happyday: (dommymommy@shitposter.world)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:55:30 JST cyuu :happyday:

     in reply to

     • meso
     • cipote :bishrexual:
     @meso @teratology it's alright, nothing wrong with rambling a little every now and then. I don't quite know how to reply, to be truly honest, but I will say I read it all and am hoping for better for you :futa_heart_love: sometimes, long rambles are followed by sudden insights as to what you can do to improve your current situation
     meso likes this.
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     VIPPER :verifiedbulgaria-web: (vipper@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:55:38 JST VIPPER :verifiedbulgaria-web:

     in reply to

     • meso
     • cipote :bishrexual:
     @meso @dommymommy @teratology it'll be okay man, let's meet up again 😎 👍
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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:55:43 JST meso

     in reply to

     • cipote :bishrexual:
     • VIPPER :verifiedbulgaria-web:
     @VIPPER @dommymommy @teratology hell yeah
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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:57:10 JST meso

     in reply to

     • cipote :bishrexual:
     @dommymommy @teratology they used to lead to sudden insights but not anymore
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     cipote :bishrexual: (teratology@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:57:13 JST cipote :bishrexual:

     in reply to

     • meso

     @meso @dommymommy is it part of getting older maybe? It sounds like depression from what you've described.

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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:58:19 JST meso

     in reply to

     • cipote :bishrexual:
     @teratology @dommymommy maybe, I'll get over it though surely
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     anemone@ebiverse.social's status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 08:59:43 JST anemone

     in reply to

     • meso

     @meso@the.asbestos.cafe @dommymommy@shitposter.world i think this already happened to me years ago

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     meso (meso@the.asbestos.cafe)'s status on Sunday, 13-Oct-2024 09:00:22 JST meso

     in reply to

     • meso
     • cipote :bishrexual:
     @teratology @dommymommy at least I'm not weak, I'm not vulnerable. I won't get much worse even in a worst case scenario, just not better. there's only up from here.