Notices by goatsarah (goatsarah@thegoatery.dyndns.org)

Just had an MMR. Third of the decade.

I mean, gotta keep the autism topped up, right?

“I miss the old you”

“She’s still there. Tell you what, I’ll not take my booster. Come back in … 4 hours”

5 hours later…

“Sorry, would you mind masking that?”

Just seen someone saying they support bans on trans healthcare for under 18s because “let kids be kids”.

By the time I hit puberty, I had KNOWN for a decade.

I also knew that telling anyone would be profoundly dangerous.

So I hid who I was and, am almost grateful that the neurodivergence gave the other kids something else to latch on to. They were so busy calling me a “mong” that they didn’t notice I was trans.

Because that might have got me murdered.

Or pushed me into a position where I felt I had no options other than the same end result.

So I hid it.

And I hid it really well.

And one of the things that happens when a 5 year old child is terrified of their parents, or their families, or the school bullies finding out who they really are is that they end up traumatised.

A 5 year old child. Traumatised and ashamed.

Ashamed because adults openly talked about them.

Or people like them.

And what they said was horrific. What they said made it very clear that they would regard their own kids as subhuman monsters if they ever found out.

So we hid. And an important part of ourselves died in childhood. A light that should have shone, went out.

I’ve tried my best to rekindle it.

I’ve managed somewhat but it will never be right. Not really. I’ve made peace with that.

“Let kids be kids”. Trans kids like me never got to be.

Because of people who say things like that.

When I tell recent transitioners about how, 20 years ago, I was required to socially transition without hormones to prove I was serious, they are appalled.

I hope in 20 years, people are similarly incredulous that in 2026, ADHD treatment involves strictly rationing the number of hours you spend as a functional adult each day, with "eight" being considered an acceptable number.

Like, I get 12. 14 on a good day.

And I regard that as cruel and inadequate, but my prescriber is one of the progressive ones for giving me that much.

And it isn't like transfemale HRT where you can just say, "screw your crappy meds regime, I'm getting my own".

Because ... well getting your own all gets a bit Breaking Bad very quickly.

Still, could be worse. The tales I hear my American chaos goblin friends tell about getting their meds are horrific to me. Apparently their authorities cap the amount of ADHD medication that is made each year at significantly below the level required to medicate everyone prescribed it, sort of like airline overbooking.

And then they watch as people get to go cold turkey every month and engage in some Hunger Games, Pharmacy Edition, shite to try and get hold of them.

While in withdrawal.

Twats.

20 years ago today I took estradiol for the first time.

19 years ago today I had sex reassignment surgery.

Happy tranniversary to me.

I want to explain a few things and then it might be clearer why UK trans people are upset.

In 2001 I married my wife, Sylvia.

In 2005 I started medical transition. For the state to recognise this I had to submit to standards of "care" which were humiliating, degrading and which placed me at risk of violence.

But I did it "by the book"

As I did it "by the book", the NHS agreed to reregister me as female, which makes sense because my anatomy now is.

In 2007 I had sex reassignment surgery. This had to be signed off by two mental health professionals, "by the book", and it was.

In 2008 I applied for gender recognition. This involved signing a statutory obligation, stating that I promised, BY LAW, to live fully as female for the rest of my life. As this was done, "by the book", the government promised that it would treat me as such.

Its first act as treating me as female was to annul our marriage because it was a same sex marriage and those were not allowed.

The state then reissued my birth certificate, correcting the "mistake" it had originally made when it recorded me as male, "by the book".

In 2009 Sylvia and I married for the second time, in a same sex civil partnership, which was done "by the book", because the state regarded me as female and I was bound by law to be female.

In 2013 we married again, because the state decided that same sex marriage was in fact allowed after all. This was done, "by the book". Despite having been married for 12 years, we had to submit ourselves to individual questioning to prove our relationship was genuine, "by the book".

In April of 2025 the state turned round and told me that I had been mistaken. That it never regarded me as female. That I was male the whole time. That the marriage it annulled because it was a same sex marriage was never a same sex marriage (but it stays annulled). That the civil partnership in 2009 never really happened because "opposite sex" civil partnerships were not allowed in 2009.

And that the legal obligation I have to live as female for the rest of my life, which I signed and gave up my marriage for, is still in effect but also if I keep following it, I am breaking the law and subject to arrest. As it's still valid, presumably if I don't keep following it, I am also breaking the law and subject to arrest.

The law of the land simultaneously requires me to be both a man and a woman and if I do either then I am breaking the law and subject to arrest.

At every stage I did what the state asked me to, even though it was humiliating, degrading and cruel.

And it kept moving the goalposts, and reneging on the agreements it made, whilst continuing to hold me to them even when they are now mutually contradictory.

Apparently this is "all my fault" and I should have known that this would be the consequences of my actions when I started medical transition 2 decades ago.

Perhaps you can now appreciate why we are upset?

You know how neurotypical people talk about how they make and hold eye contact?

It’s a lie. They do no such thing. I can do it on ADHD meds and if you don’t look away it really freaks them out.