Notices by Fesshole 🧻 (fesshole@mastodon.social)

I was in my 50s before I learned that the meat that we eat is animal muscle. I think I'd vaguely assumed that cows, pigs and sheep had some sort of 'meat' layer from which we obtained the various cuts of meat. Soon after this epiphany I became vegetarian.

I have a simple four-letter name that some people mistake for a slightly longer name. I never used to correct anyone, but now once I realise they've made the mistake I just completely stop listening to whatever they have to say, no matter who they are

How did I get into server backend stuff? I used to have a simple static HTML website but some idiot hotlinked an image costing me bandwidth so I learned enough to serve his site's users Goatse and everyone else the legit image. That's how I got started with backend stuff.

I had an affair about 30 years ago. I'm starting another one. The change in logistics in terms of GPS tracking, avoiding cctv, not being able to use cash, etc, etc, is mindblowing and almost making me reconsider.

I used to keep a wanking diary on an Acorn Atom. All the data was stored on cassette. Years after I left home my mum sold loads of clutter at a car boot including my Acorn Atom & cassettes without even asking me if it was OK. I still sometimes wonder if anyone accessed my diary.

Bought a t-shirt off Amazon, too small. Went to return it, they offered me a partial refund to keep it but I still sent it back as too small. Ordered the next size up, fit perfectly. Still said I wanted to return it, offered me a partial refund, result - discount t shirt, lovely.

When I was younger I tried to construct what can only be described as a DIY vagina. It consisted of a shoebox, hole, empty toilet roll tube, vaginal canal, and some ceiling insulation, vaginal wall. I then made love it, unsuccessful.

I used steal a single fridge magnet from every house party I went to in the 90s

I've only ever owned 1 suit, which I bought 19 yrs ago. Wife is buying me a new one. Asked her if she could buy 1 without the fake jacket pockets. She asked what I meant. Showed her the pockets didn't open. She pulled out the thread & opened them. 19 years man, what an idiot.

I've been a milkman for 30 years now. Was only approached for a shag once, I had to decline Eileen the widow, who was more than double my age.

My sister's married to a lovely chap. But he's a fishmonger and comes home smelling of fish every day. My husband is also amazing but he makes smoked meat. So every evening I get to kiss a man who smells of smoked beef. I've never told my sister but I'm sure I won.

First time having sex with my boyfriend and he purposefully ripped the posh knickers that I'd bought that day. I resented this throughout the entire intercourse. He still talks about how good the first time was. I still think about how much they cost me.

I once got tipped for holding a hotel entrance door open, even though I was a customer and not a doorman. I made sure to hang around that door every night until the same customers checked out. Made £500.

Just turned my willy 180 degrees to do an "upside down wee" it looked really odd and I won't be doing that again.

Not my fess but my dad's. Mum was at work and dad was having to fill some forms in when he asked "did we give you middle names?"

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I'd been snacking on cashews while waiting for a date. We walked around the park & she gave me a gentle kiss when she was about the leave, asked if I'd been eating nuts & then injected herself with an epipen. I stayed with her on the ambulance. Three years married. No more nuts.

Reread what you've written. Referring to your manager as impotent instead of important in a Teams message can trigger an HR investigation. I normally send multiple one liners instead of a paragraph but the desk phone rang and an important supplier spoke for 40 mins.

Was learning how to cook as a new adult. Recipe called for whole eggs so I put the whole eggs in there. Housemates complained about the shell bits.

A thrice-divorced friend of a friend got a much younger mail-order bride and gave me some money to take her out as he was busy. She confessed that she's miserable and just wants to get citizenship to bring her family out. Didn't know what to do say so we just got a cheeseboard