Notices by Fesshole 🧻 (fesshole@mastodon.social)

One of my patients is on a gay app which I peruse. Married with kids. He attended me and I had to ask about blood-borne virus risks. He feigned offence/disgust at my question re: male anal sex. His reviews on the app said otherwise, however I couldn't say anything.

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Woke up during the night after a few too many drinks with a mad thirst. Went to the en suite and filled the toothbrush holder with water and drank it. Amazing mint flavour. Now do it on the regular, even when sober.

In my local one night I bumped into an old school pal. He was always a bit of a dick but not a wrong un. I told him the local police were "on to him" for a laugh. He left the pub and to this day has never returned. I've never seen him myself since that day. It was 30 years ago.

There's a junction where my wife tells me if it's safe to turn right, because one time - thirty years ago - there was a van blocking my view so I asked her to keep watch. Haven't the heart to tell her that her only contribution to the drive home is utterly pointless.

I used to think anyone here fessing up not knowing something which is common knowledge was either lying or very stupid, until my wife had to explain to me that Hotel Chocolat is not a hotel.

I always order more sex toys for my secret collection just before Xmas or my husband's birthday. That way he thinks the boxes are potentially gifts for him and doesn't ask about them. He doesn't know I have any.

We've two goldfish, often I forget to feed 'em till late at night, usually when I want to go to bed. I feel guilty adding food to their tank then turning off the light in case they can't see it. So I have to stand with them till they are finished, Don't want them to think I'm a nob

I've been buying those vegan sausages because they are simple snacks. I opened the fridge and saw a different sausage, realised by wife had had the last one and replaced the pack. I took one of the sausages and ate it. Raw lamb. Loved it. I think I've found a new snack.

At the age of 16, I used to bleach my hair with a peroxide solution in the hope I'd look as cool as Billy Idol. I didn't. Wanting the collars and cuffs to match, I decided to bleach my pubes as well. Big mistake. Had to dip my nads in cold water morning, noon and night.

I have worked for a high end Cyber Security company for nearly 5 years and have had multiple laptops in that time. I have never changed my master password for my laptop or log in details. Technically it is a stackable offense, but no one has ever told me to change it.

I was deliberately annoying to my brother who'd bought 3 packs of the 80s mint - Cool Mints. They had a laxative warning on them due to the sorbitol I think. I wanted to see if this was true. He ate them all quickly to avoid sharing. He shat himself sideways all afternoon.

My parents moved overseas after retiring. Mum called to say Dad had a heart attack and she wanted me to come. My passport had expired so got a same day appointment to get it renewed. Had 4 hours to kill so visited a local escort. Easily the worst thing I have ever done.

Worked in a corner shop about twenty years ago and was working Christmas Eve. The number of men that came in and got a microwave meal and a litre of strong alcohol was upsetting. Be nice to people.

I've been to Spain on holiday six times. Each time I go, some locals point at me, wave, take my picture, some are really friendly to me and talk to me in Spanish , I can't speak it, I have no idea who they think I am.

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I'd make up a name, write a one paragraph obituary, and put it in the local paper every month. It was a nice little writing exercise for me and very cheap. I have a collection of the best obits I wrote framed in my downstairs loo. Visitors must think I had a wide social circle.

Bartender here. If I stumble apon a drink that somebody has left and is over half full/appears untouched, best believe im taking it down to the cellar and necking that shit.

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Was I supposed to know that it's perfectly fine to serve a half-cooked steak but 'weird' to serve a medium rare potato? I'm allergic to potato, so never bothered learning. But I know that most vegetables are better crunchy. In the future, I will microwave the potatoes for longer.