Me and three mates send each other voice messages recording our farts and rate them out of ten, walking dog today and decided to record a decent brew, woman came round corner and clocked me with phone to my arse.
When I was a kid, a pair of dolphins saved my life, but my parents never believed me. On holiday in Australia. I was snorkelling in the ocean & realised too late that a shark was coming towards me. Suddenly, two dolphins rammed the shark, giving me time to swim back to the boat.
Just taken a mint condition, high-quality 1080p TV to the recycling centre because we literally couldn't give it away. Future historians will write about stuff like this.
Even if there are empty seats in a train carriage, if you have your feet up on a seat, I'm sitting there whether you agree to move without fuss or not. I take great delight in this and I'm sure it amuses other people too.
Husband refuses to do any financial admin: booking plane tickets or hotels, grocery deliveries, travel insurance, any online purchases. So I do it all via a cashback app and keep that cash for myself. Finder's fee, I think.
I lost my sight two years ago. Mostly I'm okay with being blind. I've adapted well. I am very independent and have found new ways to "see" the world. But there's four things I miss seeing more than anything. My three children's faces. And the stars at night.
I always encourage my wife to watch the most mundane looking show on her watch list. When she inevitably falls asleep, I slip out to the next room and play guitar instead.
I have a small tech business with a mate. Years ago we bought loads of .com names in the hope one of them, one day, would be worth £££. He phoned me excitedly the other day to say we've been offered 80k for one of them. How do I tell him I forgot to renew it 2 years ago.
Shortest ever date was when I met someone at Euston, after work, back in the 1990s. We confirmed names, then he said: "thanks for being here but no thanks." He turned around and left. On balance, it was better than wasting a whole evening.
Had a job which involved a 50-mile drive home in the early hours. Used to shadow people on the motorway. They sped up, I sped up. They slowed down, I slowed down. One time I followed a guy 40+ miles till he turned off the street before mine. He waved goodbye to me.
My gym has one of those tube entry systems, one side opens, you step in, then it closes around you before front opens to let you out I always try to time fart before I step out, leaving the aroma trapped inside for the next person to enter
I'm severely Lactose Intolerant, if my wife or kids wants me to do something and I really can't be arsed I drink a glass of milk and have the shits for about two hours, the amount of times I've gotten out of going to the in-laws is quite a feat.
I'm living proof that some people need a good smack to humble them. When I was a teen, I thought I was a hard man. That is until I got beat up, by a girl, in front of everyone. Changed my ways almost overnight. Never truly lived it down.
Please tell your friends to follow Fesshole so we can tick over to the 10k followers number and stop our admin's left eye twitching that it's nearly there
(Also the more followers here the better really, as rows in the comments makes Fesshole come alive)
Landlord's wife barred access to the apartment building's nice little backyard for a veggie garden. Been throwing birdseed and peanuts into it from the window so the animals are encouraged to rip it up. I've never seen so much as a tomato from that garden in my years being here.
TV doctor & IVF pioneer, Professor Robert Winston, is responsible for adversely affecting my sex life. Years ago, my wife and I were watching one of his programmes when he stated "sperm is 30 days old when ejaculated". After that, she stopped performing a certain act.
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