Notices by Fesshole 🧻 (fesshole@mastodon.social), page 2

Confess now and often. Use this link: https://b3ta.com/addfess

Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Manchester, Hull, Glasgow, Luton & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

Almost everything my significant other has suggested I throw away is in a box in the garage. Sure, my old T-shirts might seem a bit ratty now, but come a few years after World War Three they'll probably be the nicest clothes we own

I "accidentally" mute people on MS teams when they annoy me. Can't do it too often otherwise people will know.

Was going to fix the noisy exhaust on my wife's car, but given it just woke me from a nap and gave me time to look busy when she came home, maybe I won't bother.

I'm in my 60s and still have a full head of dark healthy hair. I get many compliments, it makes me look younger, and I get serious hair envy from my male peers. But the truth is, I'd rather be grey as I reckon I look like a nonce who's trying too hard.

I'm a girl who is partial to a bit of rimming but not with a new boyfriend who exclaims mid-sex "I want to lick your turd cutter." He had to go.

When I am heading upstairs for a wank, I say to myself, "I'm going to masterbate, masterbate, masterbate" in the style of Ted Striker's "I've got to concentrate..." in Airplane. Now you will too.

Recently broke my arm and had to learn to do lots of things left handed, including wiping my arse. The extra care and attention I've had to take means I am doing a better job than usual. My arsehole has never been so clean. Going to carry on using my left arm from now on.

We have a mismatched spoon in our cutlery drawer that I detest. I've christened it the 'knobhead spoon' it gets given to whoever I deem the biggest knobhead sat at the table.

As a pre-teen in the eighties I would go in the bath and my younger sisters would gather round chanting "bring out the Branston" from the popular advert. I would then proceed to squeeze out a teeny tiny poo to much applause. What can I say, the black & white TV was on the blink.

Didn't have a pound for a trolley in b&m so used one of the flatbeds for garden centre, thing was bit hard to steer and accidentally plowed into a shelf, everything stacked on the top fell on someone the other side and I ditched the trolley and legged it round next aisle.

Spotted a phone thief on a bike from my bedroom window. I could see his victim, oblivious that she was about to get robbed. I didn't shout a warning as I was completely naked and didn't want them to see me standing naked in the window. Hope she had insurance and back up.

If you work in a mid-range corporate hotel and have received an aggrieved complaint about the TV not working, it's probably because of me. I hate that fucking red LED flooding the room with light when I'm trying to sleep so I find the mains socket, switch it off and leave it off.

Two of my male birds have been at it like rabbits and they have now made a nest which they are sitting on to await a happy outcome. I don't know how to explain this situation to them.

When someone forwards me mail from a mailing list when I'd rather they didn't, I'll just help them out by using the unsubscribe link in the forwarded message to opt them out of further mailings.

Thought my phone was vibrating with a call but it was me doing a long fart. Noise cancelling headphones have ruined all my perceptions.

The only time I ever failed to rise to the occasion was when attempting to have sex on the acrylic rug in front of her parents' gas fire in Bracknell. Somehow the setting never quite matched up with sex on a sheepskin rug in front of an open fire in a Scottish castle.

Burdened by a confession? Use this link to share it with Fesshole: https://b3ta.com/addfess

Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Manchester, Hull, Glasgow, Luton & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole