20 years ago, during my final M.Sc Exams, I was caught cheating by one of the invigilators. Bribed him not to report it by giving him a 1/8th skunk weed. Ended up passing with a distinction and probably wouldn't be where I am today without him. Thanks Dude, wherever you are.
I don't talk to my wife about my 'man' problems or any sensitive feeling stuff as she always tells her best friends. I now have pretend press conferences in my head where I talk through the problems in the form of questioning from journalists.
IT Manager. I know I'm not supposed to discriminate based on age, but I will do anything in my power to hire a millennial over a gen Z. Sorry Gen Z you can't fix anything. Millennials have crazy good and obscure IT skills.
Whenever i go for a new job, the one thing i conveniently leave off my CV is the time I got sacked from Kwik Save. I worked in the stock room & made a huge fort out of toilet rolls & then fell asleep in it.
My partner has lots of striped socks. Some with different coloured stripes, some with narrow stripes, some with wide stripes and some just slightly different. I hate them. It takes ages to find a pair. We're moving house this week. He doesn't know it, but I've binned the lot.
8 y/o daughter lost her hearing. Had to learn to sign. Struggled at first as none of her friends knew how to talk to her. One day I noticed our Labrador run to the treat cupboard after she signed "treat?" to her. In the absence of friends our dog had learned sign language for her
I am one of those guys who claps when the plane lands. Yeah, go on and roll your eyes. Flying is a little miracle. We're going on another part of the globe to have a nice holiday and quite a few people can just about afford it. What's not to be happy about?
Stayed in a posh five star hotel to impress a new girlfriend. Got naked and jumped in to bed, after a bit of foreplay I slipped off the bed to get a condom out of my bag , and left the biggest fudge strip ever, across the lavish bedding. We never survived.
My son came out as gay recently, I told him that it is all OK (of course) and that I always knew. Truth is I didn't have a fucking clue. I thought the other one was gay, and he's now had three kids with three women. I'm the owner of the world's least accurate Gaydar.
I don't think anyone's found the "correct" thing to say when using a public toilet and someone knocks on the stall to check if anyone's in there. But what just came out of my mouth was "Yes, it's me".
I'm a cabbie and once took 2 sisters to hospital to see their dying mum. I took a longer route to boost my earnings. I found out a week later that their mum had died 5 minutes before they arrived at the hospital. Had I taken the normal route they would have chance to say goodbye.
I work as a bus driver, one of a team working in the testing and commissioning of a new fleet of electric buses and a brand new depot. I spent ages perfectly parking a dozen buses in the depot for a media event and am genuinely disappointed I didn't get any public credit for it.
I don't think people realise just how bad things are in The UK. My wife and I are 40. No kids. Both started with nothing but now in the top 5% of earners. We can just afford the a small 2 bedroom house, but would be homeless in a few months if we both lost our jobs.
Whenever some reply guy gives me his tedious opinion, I say "Whoa! That's interesting. Tell me more?" Then I mute them. Some of them carry on replying for months. I like to think it stops them bothering others.
My autocorrect changed 'Best Wishes' to 'Sexy Wishes' when emailing after an okish job interview. They found it so funny it landed me the job. They thought it was on purpose to stand out.
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