Notices by Bethany Black (bethanyblack@mastodon.social), page 7

Lol

Guys, I’m off on a tour of a friend’s wine cellar today. So excited. Apparently they have a fantastic cask of Amontillado they want me to see.

I’m so glad things seem to be turning around for them, they’ve had some rotten luck recently and I can’t help but feel a little responsible

Fred the cat has a habit of catching animals, bringing them in, dropping them and then wondering why they escape. We spend a lot of time catching and releasing mice and voles.

Today he’s been upstairs as if he’s hunting, and I hoped it was a mouse rather than a spider big enough to pique his interest.

It was neither and I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes trying to coax a house sparrow out of his hiding place in the upstairs office and through an open window.

“Candy for Vampires; Rhesus Pieces”

@JonnyT exactly as you’d imagine

Though one thing I miss about the old constituency was that the Greens always fielded a candidate called Dick Venes, and you’d see posters with “Green Dick Venes” on them like they were aiming for that crucial Incredible Hulk vote

It’s interesting being in a constituency where I don’t really get a vote, and not because it’s a safe seat, but beca The main parties don’t tend to field a candidate to go up against the Speaker. It allows me a level of relaxation and detachment from the whole thing I’ve never had before.

@Sawherry no

Normally the Tories do worse over the course of an election because suddenly the news actually starts telling you what the other main parties actually think and want to do. So this could be fucking carnage.

I reckon we only picked 4th July because the yanks are having theirs on 5th November

Good morning. Fuck Bill Windows.

@moogal being able to know that we can’t get thrown out, and don’t have to have someone come and inspect the property every 6 months.

@moogal I may need to do some fund raising and calling in of favours from people, but I might just be able to. The house a couple of doors down from where we used to live is up for sale and they just reduced the price. It’s like my ideal home too

Eeep, have just discovered that Skipton Building society do mortgages for people with less than 5% deposit providing you can prove you’ve paid your rent in full and on time for the last year, which I have (just about).

There’s also a little 2 bed terrace in our village for a price that we could afford (much cheaper than our rent), I’d ideally want to get a £3,000-£5,000 deposit together.

I think I might be able to do this.

I really need to stop anthropomorphising other people.

Sorry if I’ve been snappy recently, I’m not really sleeping anymore, most nights I get between 3-5 hours in two chunks.

Oh, also I’m a massive arse hole and refuse to do any work on myself not to be.

Honestly it’s mostly the second one.

@GinevraCat no, she’s just very competitive when it comes to this

@mensrea of course not

My wife has also bleached her eyebrows and now looks disconcertingly like Mia Goth, I said this to her and she held the smile from the end of Pearl

@stavvers there are some in next door’s gutter and my cat Albert is INCENSED at the fucking nerve of them