Notices by Dgar (dgar@aus.social), page 2

Quantum entanglement explained:

Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the “right sock,” no matter where it is located in the universe.

I wish more people did these. It's fun to learn odd little things:

First job - Stop
Current job - Sending
Dream Job - Your
Favorite food- Potential
Favorite dog - Passwords
Favorite footwear- Or
Favorite Candy bar - Memorable
Favorite Ice Cream - Data
Your Vehicle colour - To
Favorite Holiday - People
Night owl/earlybird - Who
Favorite day - Collect
Tattoos - This
Favorite colour- For
Like vegetables - Social
Wear glasses - Engineering

My scarecrow won an award for being outstanding in their field!

There's a gang in my area and they recruit members by threatening them with all kinds of punishments if they don't join.

But enough about the church...

You know you’re never going to remember to do that later.

Do it now.

Doctor: I can knock out the patient using gas, or a boat paddle.

It’s an ether / oar situation.

We haven't found a solution for climate change yet, but we're getting warmer.

The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

My three favourite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Do not seize the day. This will startle the day and may cause it to become aggressive and give you a nasty bite.

Instead approach the day calmly without making eye contact, pet it gently, and slowly enfold it in a careful embrace.

If the day shows any signs of resistance to being engaged with, it is likely to turn on you. Back off and return to bed.

~ Douglas Adams

The local grocery store is called Mamas and Papas.

I don’t buy their salad because all the leaves are brown.

#EarwormSharingIsCaring

I didn’t think orthopaedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

First, they came for the journalists, and I didn’t speak out, for I was not a journalist.

We don’t know what happened next. Nobody was reporting it.

How to write good.
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. One should never generalize.
6. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Sentence fragments? Eliminate.
9. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
10. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
11. Who needs rhetorical questions?

I’m going to put my glasses on.

Just wanted to make everybody clear.

The adjective for metal is metallic.

Not so for iron, which is ironic.

Handheld gaming?

I hope the next big trend in music is talent.

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Walked into a lamppost.

Sustained light injuries.