Notices by monkϵyborg 🦾🐵 (monkeyborg@triangletoot.party), page 4

Now that we have established beyond all doubt that a hot dog is a sandwich, it is time to silence those dumbfucks who would try to tell you that a hot dog cart is not a food truck.

@Mrfunkedude well well well looks like we have a wise guy

Quick! Don’t think about it, name a physical object. Any physical object

I am a hardline orthodox member of the Church of Beavis and Butt-Head, recognizing only the Liquid Television shorts and the first two seasons as canon. Once the show went and got production values, something intangible but important was lost. We recognize the “little wienerheads” bumper as the One True Disclaimer.

Playing frisbee golf = engaging in disc course

Me, watching a new sci-fi show: Dammit, this freaky outer space shit is a metaphor for some aspect of the human condition. Why can’t it ever just be freaky outer space shit

Can I just say that Costco having the bathrooms and the food window after checkout is BULLSHIT.

I drove all the way over here and now you’re going to make me navigate between these rude-ass suburbanites with an empty stomach and a full bladder? BOGUS.

Perhaps, rather than running from sample station to sample station begging for handouts like Oliver Twist, I would like to shop leisurely with a whole-ass hotdog in hand. Ever think of that, Mr. Kirkland? CHECK YOURSELF.

Remember, if you see somebody robbing a bank no you didnʼt

I dream of someday being far enough up Maslow’s pyramid of needs that I can wash my car

God: Let’s make a year 360 days long.

Angel: Oh, perfect — a multiple of 60! That makes it so convenient to divide up the year into any number of fractional parts for record keeping and planning.

God: Nah, fuck ’em. Let’s say... 365 instead.

Angel: My lord?

God: And a quarter.

You’re in no danger of brain freeze from a Cook-Out milkshake, but you might bust a blood vessel trying to suck it through the straw

$8 for a two-pack of Burt’s Bees chapsticks?! Look, I ignored Burt’s unnatural predilections for as long as I was able, but price gouging is something up with which I will not put!

Google is making me have to think thoughts about Google Analytics now and I fucking hate them for it

@Mrfunkedude The sun never sets on the Fedi!

Peter Gabriel: Try some more! The strawberries taste like strawberries! The Solsburies taste like Solsburies!

Phil Collins: Solsburies! Whoever heard of a Solsbury?

PG: We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams

Priest of Cthulhu: Rise, Great Old One! We are here to serve you

Cthulhu: Hey, fuck you

Priest: ...What?

C: I’m not that old. For an elemental cosmic horror, I’m still very much in my prime

Priest: Sorry, I...

C: sluuuurrrrp crunch crunch crunch

@Mrfunkedude Youʼre more optimistic than I am that the hospitals wonʼt side with the fascists.

American fascism is feeling bold these days.

https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/3852798-hawley-launches-investigation-into-missouri-childrens-hospital-demands-records-of-gender-related-treatments-for-youth/

https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/3853163-abbott-tells-texas-state-agencies-to-stop-using-diversity-initiatives-calls-them-illegal/

My Mom recently lost her ability to speak. I would like to buy an Android tablet and put Cboard on it for her. Has anyone done this before? Are there pitfalls I should be aware of?

https://www.cboard.io/

@nlarson830 @Mrfunkedude As I understand it, the concern is that heʼs doing this from impure motives, i.e., to increase the number of pageviews on his account.

So I guess weʼre pretending now that the YouTube generation invented trading philanthropy for clout.