Notices by Chris Wenham (wenhamtoo@mstdn.social)

@inthehands New features available on upcoming Tesla models for 2025:

Deathtrap Door Handles
Adaptive Crash Control
Dual Incineration Zone HVAC
Heated Seat Cushions (up to 1783° Kelvin)
Autoperil™
Full Self Disposing
Auto-Dispersed Stainless Steel Load Shedding
First-Responder Lockout
Kessler Plus™ Satellite Debris Global Navigation
Fold-down Rear Passengers
Rotisserie

@kellyromanych @GottaLaff @Gurre Impeached twice. The remedy is removal from office. Removal. From. Office.

@lowqualityfacts Excellent timing.

@lowqualityfacts There's a debate over whether his name is pronounced “Boo-she-mi” or “Boo-see-me”, but in Swahili it's pronounced “Bush 'e me”

@lowqualityfacts This is how chocolate bark got invented.

@lowqualityfacts It's cordyceptional!

(In researching this joke, I've discovered that ‘Adaptogenic Mushroom Cordyceps Sinesis’ is actually sold in capsule form as a food supplement. My goodness gracious.)

@lowqualityfacts Some attempted to exploit this by dabbing scopolamine on their nipples. However, many misunderstood the directions and used Scope mouthwash instead, and many men returning from business trips abroad found not that they had to explain suspicious lipstick on their collars to their wife, but suspiciously fresh breath.

@lowqualityfacts The ‘ALT' symbol covered the word “rock” in the thumbnail, and so I thought it said “pet road”, and I thought that was brilliant.

My pet road is the A27. I travel on it all the time, usually on a bus. I chuck bits of asphult out the window as treats.

It's a good road. A very good road. Yessyouare!

@lowqualityfacts At level 9, you can taste the rainbow in a packet of Skittles.

@lowqualityfacts You can also get them a packet of Monsanto’s Little Gardener Roundup Ready Corn to plant and raise their own crop of patented GMO veggies. They’ll learn when's the right time to sow, the right time to harvest, and the lessons of being locked into buying your seed corn every year because you cannot save any of your harvest and will lose your house and farm if it cross pollinates.

@lowqualityfacts Yeah, well let's see Gaudi finish a goddamn cathedral on time. Wot, ran out of ugly?

@siege What if it was on HBO?