Notices by CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)

also the nonsense of buying a Blue Yeti microphone and realising that "that ASMR sound" is really that easy.

@tqft yeah thats the sort of stuff i just know i have too many gaps in awareness and not enough space or interest to learn. I would absolutely buy the wrong card or get the wrong power supply and end up frying something or worrying about a weird sound until it all goes worng.

@tqft yeah, i did give a cursory run through of figuring how much it would cost to do it in parts and the answer was i couldnt make it myself cheaper.

now, lets see if it can survive BattleTech RogueTech.

@Foritus its amazing! i have never had one before and one month in its made such a difference from all my prior experiences of starting to worry about the noises new computers would grind out when booting up games.

it was a prebuild, i do not have the capacity nor want to induce the anxiety of building my own with the chance of breaking stuff. Upgrading my graphics card and ram was enough of a baby's first steps window into why im not the person to be doing that.

@m oh its a 14th gen intel, 4070Ti Super and 32 RAM.

fallen in love with my new computer.

havent had a new desktop stack for 15 years, and my old one slid into defeat in 2020 - but even then im struggling to remember the last time i actually fell in love with a computer.

@AnarchoWalrus "clown kink" is such a wildly deep cut that no one would get that as a reference unless its directly lifted from a lived experience of someone

@AnarchoWalrus either hes close to cracking or the trans woman he keeps locked in the basement is.

Charlie Kaufman, babe, come on.

@hazelnot not really, i think if you dig down into it we'd probably find that your discomfort and other trans peoples attraction to them likely stems from the same core of unease and reflection

@hazelnot well, marginalised identities do turn to clowning as a form of expression at the very least. Its often attributed to the origin of being the poorest form of entertainment - ie what you do when you need to entertain the kids in your community and cant afford anything - you use yourself as the joke.

@hazelnot for sure, like they are liminal beings with chaotic energy to the degree that it feels like no one can stop them from doing whatever they want.

@hazelnot no metaphor, real clowns. Clowns are often, a trans thing.

better than the question of why are trans people so into clowns, is how does the fact that trans people are drawn to clowns instinctively as a survival mechanism influence their relation to clowning, and to their clown identity in a way that cis people who are drawn to clowning are not.

like a trans clown has to recognise that they are outside of society in the way that cis clowns are not. a cis clown can rely on the cis watcher to understand and relate to their inner experience.

a trans clown does not get this relationship.

do trans people make good clowns?
they dont make good cis clowns, but they make wicked trans clowns - which is better on all levels really.

my brain throwing up the question "but why are trans people so into clowns" randomly before i realise i think ive answered that for myself about a hundred times.

letting myself have a tiny bit of fake affirmation by pretending that "you are the .. 1st.. person in the queue" from the automated hospital phoneline is something to be proud of