Notices by Low Quality Facts (lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social)

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this "I Bake My Own Bread And I Don't Trust The Government" tea towel. I bet this possum baked the best focaccia ever after listening to Kristi Noem's press conference.
https://collabs.shop/pyfjx7

When I don't UNDERSTAND something I get SCARED and ANGRY. Instead of figuring out what these STICKERS are I will decide that they JUSTIFY my RAGE.

It's a very important day to some people.

RE: https://mstdn.social/@lowqualityfacts/115793165697461655

Someone ordered 18 of these. If this was you, please tell me. I have so many questions. Do you just really love raccoons? Were they all for you? Are you in charge of a racoon fan club and wanted to get all 18 members a token of your appreciation? I need to know more about your life.

People keep assuming that we're invading Venezuela for oil, but let's also consider the possibility that Maduro said something like "Trump Tower looks gaudy" 30 years ago and it has been eating away at Trump every day since.

If your New Year's Resolution is to:

A. Get a cat
B. Spend more time with your cat
or
C. Read every Garfield comic strip ever written

then tonight's Low Quality Ad is the perfect shirt for you.
https://collabs.shop/vbbtbd

It is insane how many people have dm'd me to say option C is their New Year's Resolution.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for Callie's Sweets Legally Addictive Fudge. The name implies that they also sell illegally addictive fudge, but I can't figure out what super secret promo code you need to enter to order that.
https://collabs.shop/r5uqig

Very impressive.

My New Year's Resolutions:

-Eat healthy
-Exercise
-Read more books
-Dismantle our chains of financial oppression by overthrowing our capitalist overlords, who leech off the backs of the working class like the parasites they are
-Play with my cats

It can't be done.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for Snickers Churro. Eat a Snickers Churro. You're not you when you're hambriento.
https://collabs.shop/9zhl6e

I love Pedro Pascal.

Smart.

2026 is the Year of the Horse in the Chinese Zodiac. But today's Low Quality Ad is for a pin celebrating Florida's zodiac, the Year of the Raccoon in a trashcan that is panhandling for meth.
https://collabs.shop/cfkxd1

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Dog Knight Shirt. Very nice of him to refer to me as M'Lord. I am not used to that having cats, since they think of me as the lowliest of peasants.
https://collabs.shop/i8cwhc

Fishy and Ruby wish you all a very merry Fishmas.

The moon landing was an especially good day for Buzz.

I jokingly posted on Threads about wanting to order a $20,000 pizza that has an autographed Babe Ruth baseball as a topping. It got 32,000 views after the word "order" triggered a ton of bots that flooded the comments asking what I wanted to order. Fun!

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this "Sorry For Acting Weird" shirt. Never apologize for acting weird. Unless you're being the creepy kind of weird. Or the annoying kind of weird. Or the obnoxious kind of weird. Maybe more of you should be apologizing.
https://collabs.shop/ywboku