Notices by B Kahn (bkahn@beige.party), page 2

My next book publication will be titled "The Collected Wisdom of Donald Trump." It will be one of those books with blank pages and hard covers. Excellent gift for young and old! In this age of digital everything, we can probably supply the cover image of your choice: A gold-plated toilet, a bathroom overflowing with top-secret documents, a grotesque mug shot, hizzoner dressed up as an ayatollah, a cartoon of hizzoner throwing someone under the fabled bus...

Listening to a podcast recently discussing the possibility of life evolving in Titan's seas of liquid methane and ethane. I immediately imagined little (or big, who can say?) local boats putt-putting around using methane to power their motors. Yes, after years of travel, our probe sets down on Titan and is met by cold-proof Titanians (Titanites?) eager to trade TV shows.
😂

Is it a doom loop or a death spiral to ask an LLM to explain AI?

Just kidding:

Trump reaches a deal--fails to notice that it's a deal with himself; no Iranians involved. Announces it proudly on BS Social.

I spent a couple of weeks in Sweden in the summer of 1967. My three favorite words or expressions were:

"Drag" -- written on a door. After some thought I realized it was "pull".

"Gummigubbe" -- on the screen while a contortionist showed off his flexibility. I translated it roughly as "rubber man".

"Baby skit" - heard while the people I was staying with were putting mustard on open-face sandwiches. A descriptive term which I decided was certainly "baby shit".

I love languages. ❤️

This is straight from my imagination:

Trump at 9am: "Iran is a terrible country. Horrible. They kill innocent people all the time. Or they lock them in jail. We're going to bomb them till they give up."

Trump at 9:30am (same day): "We're having very good talks with the Iranians. Really good. Friendly negotiations with lots of honest talk. Smart people. I have a lot of respect for them."

Iranian rep at 10am (same day): "We have had no contact with any representatives of the American government during the past four weeks. Only threats, attacks, and the killing of innocent civilians. We will continue to defend ourselves and should the Americans continue their unjustified attacks, they and their allies in the region will pay dearly. We will destroy water plants, power plants, air fields, and data centers. If the Americans would like to negotiate, they can begin by removing all forces from the region."

Trump at 10:30am: "Iran is a terrible horrible country. We will kill all their leaders and bomb them back to the stone age. That is our final offer."

Yes, we're in good hands. Now, about that ballroom--can't we make it bigger?

😩

Coming soon to an Armageddon near you:

Trump: "I don't need Congress to okay our use of nukes. If I decide a nuke or two will fix things, I'll give the order and BOOM. Fact is if Iran keeps blocking Hormuz, they might get a big surprise. We've been pretty nice so far, actually. Nicer than they deserve."

If a 4-day work week reduces stress and makes people happier, how about once-a-month wars on a scheduled day instead of this horrible random death and destruction we have now? Better yet, restrict it to a specific location.

In other words, invite Russia, Ukraine, and Iran (and anyone else feeling belligerent) to join the NFL. It'd be a lot cheaper than $11 billion for one week. And think of all the ad revenue for the countries that participate!

I'll stop while I'm ahead. 😀

Could happen tomorrow:

Trump offers to buy the Strait of Hormuz. "I could just take it," he explained, "but I'm a good guy so I'll make an offer nobody can refuse. And then we'll put a special tariff on oil which will go right to my bank account."

So many potential customers for my new compressed manure tombstone business.

"Here lies a real shit: Lindsay Graham"
ditto for trump and his appointees and the GOP members of Congress. And so many more.

For an old guy I'm a fountain of business ideas. 😂

If Musk's satellite launches altered atmospheric chemistry so much that humans all died, it would sure cut down on his revenue stream. He'd better hurry up and move his sorry butt off-planet for safety.

I'll tell him. It's elon.musk@mars.offplanet, right? I can never remember.

😲

Equation:

1 Elon Musk = 1 Million Satellites

It therefore follows that launching 1 EM is preferable to launching 1,000,000 satellites.
Better for the environment, wayyyyy cheaper, and astronomers will rejoice.

All in favor raise your hand.

It's unanimous. Countdown will begin in 10 minutes. Livestream available at OllieTelly.dog. 😇

New USA foreign policy:

War crimes are good and they save time. Beyond that we just like testing our weapons systems in real combat. So do what we say or else and sometimes do what we say and we'll still attack you cause we can.

This policy fits perfectly with Trump's attention span and intellect.

I understand that climate change, especially over long periods of time, leaves fingerprints behind. To give a simple example, if you find fossils of tropical plants and lizards in present-day polar regions, you know the climate has changed over millions of years.

But what about extreme weather? If earth was many degrees warmer long ago, then wouldn't it follow that the atmosphere held more water leading to stronger hurricanes, etc.? Which, finally, brings me to my question: do severe hurricanes, for example, leave any long-term scars behind that might be detectable centuries or millennia later? Abnormal deposits of silt or organic matter? Anything to tell us about ancient weather events?

#GiftLink

Public health is about more than public health:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/2026/03/american-public-health-democracy/685727/?gift=jDw299G8PAYpd8-JGed7UawcWiVhrVyDyjx2_Lio7Fo&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

At a recent 1am press conference held in the echoing halls of his mind, Trump explained:

"Big negotiations, very successful. Only I could have pulled them off. The other side were Greenlanders. They're funny-looking, I bet you didn't know that. Great big guys with white fur and black noses. Lotta teeth, lotta teeth. I wasn't scared, not me. We came up with a deal, a great deal for America, of course. But they accepted it. We'll share the details later. But for now, everybody is happy. I gave the Greenlanders a bucket of fish and that worked like a charm. I can make deals like nobody's business. Thank God you've got me on your side. Always looking out for number one. I mean America, hahaha, America is number one. What? The Danes? Never heard of them. New football team or something?"

Professor Trump: "If Putin doesn't cede Moscow to the United States, we will put YUGE tariffs on Russia. This is called the balance of power or G.O. Politics."

Student-1: "Sir, will this be on the final exam?"

Student-2: "Sir, can we use Yakkity-GPT on the final?"

Prof. Trump: "Everything I say will be on the final. That's final. The fee schedule for grades is posted on the door."

No, this is not true yet:

Trump expresses interest in annexing Sweden. "They've got those Nobbly Prizes, you know? And I want a full set. All of them, not just a hand-me-down Peace Prize. I deserve the whole pile: medicine, fizziks, biololology, writing, dancing, finger-painting--ALL the prizes. And when I'm King of Sweden, I'll make an announcement and it'll be a done deal. I will look so cool with eight or fifteen gold medals around my neck. What? The prize money? Millions, right? That'll go straight into my bank account. What a dumb question. What? Speeches? Hell, yes I'll give a speech for every medal. I'll be humble and proud and patriotic and MAGA will go crazy! What? No I won't fall asleep at the ceremony! Dumbass reporter. Get that jerk outta here!"

I listened to a History Extra podcast last night about the history of the Roman empire. One of the comments was that although slavery was ghastly for the slaves and their children, their grandchildren often became Roman ciitizens. (Be a slave: your grandchildren will thank you!) And the author said the empire benefited greatly from the contributions made by the slave descendents, and counted on them to enrich life with new ideas, new energy, new creativity.

I immediately thought of all the benefits, discoveries, contributions, and wealth immigrants have brought to and generated in the USA. Only racist imbeciles would behave as our government is behaving. Unfortunately we seem to have a surfeit of both racists and imbeciles. If anybody bothers to write the history of the rapid decline and fall of the United States, a list of Trump & Co.'s actions in 2025 & 2026 will take center stage.

Meanwhile, we're still waiting for the Epstein Files, Mr. self-appointed President of Venezuela. We haven't forgotten.

This is the podcast link on Overcast which is what I mostly use. The History Extra website wants members so not very helpful...

https://overcast.fm/+_dMOJkA6Y

It occurs to me that the only thing worse than living in a simulation is living in an AI simulation. In its "mind" perhaps LLM is short for Large Loving Mother.
🤢