Notices by B Kahn (bkahn@beige.party), page 2

If the government shuts down, does that mean Trump et al can't take money away from this or that department because how can you take something away from nothing?
I get so confused. Shouldn't have daydreamed when they were teaching us about negative numbers.

When it comes to accessing 'secret' info from the USA, I think the Chinese, Russian, and N. Korean state hackers should start worrying about their job security. Who needs fancy hackers when anyone and their sister can access wide-open databases from every corner of the government? At this point swiss cheese has fewer holes than govt computer systems.

Is there a single word that combines "idiot" and "dangerous"? Cause there are mountains of people who fit the bill.

It's a conspiracy: professors give all A grades and the students give the profs top evaluations.

#GiftLink

The Atlantic:

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2025/09/teacher-evaluations-grade-inflation/684185/?gift=jDw299G8PAYpd8-JGed7UdTZ5IVpAh-5uAhUJxhC9a4&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

Job Market Hell: the Atlantic

#GiftLink

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2025/09/job-market-hell/684133/?gift=jDw299G8PAYpd8-JGed7UUfbcED6LG0NENxzpDK_xe4&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

Sure glad I graduated in 1970. 😲

Not sure what I would do if I were one of these young jobseekers. Between AI bullshit and CrusherTrump the EconomySmasher, times are tough. Maybe after we declare war on Venezuela the job market will improve. But I doubt it.

Need a water treatment that will turn everyone brown. Everyone. The even-better water treatment would also give every English speaker a Spanish accent. Yes, it would mess up my retirement job/hobby as an English teacher for foreigners, but worth it to give ICE a permanent disabling headache.

Hell is too good for the SCOTUS criminal 6.

I'm just guessing:

In the old days, say 30,000 - 100,000 years ago, if a person was crazy but harmless, his family put up with them. If a person was crazy and endangered others, the nice families would abandon them and the harsher families would bash their heads in or eat them or follow local disposal traditions.

We should respect traditions, no? Bobby Kennedy Jr. is crazy and dangerous. Were our ancient ancestors better than us? More competent? Are we wimps?

Let me put it this way. If an ancient human told his family to eat poisonous leaves, would they start chewing or would they toss him off the nearest cliff? Bobby is actively trying to kill us. He wants you dead. Clear? Anyone who doesn't want him fired also wants you dead. It's that simple.

Maybe??

Trump secretly plans to have himself stuffed* and then bronzed and finally heavily gold-plated. The statue's final location has not yet been decided but both the oval office and the former rose garden are under consideration. The pose will be both heroic and reflective.

*Speaking off the record, an aide said it took more than an hour for the taxidermist to convince Trump that he couldn't be stuffed with burgers and fries. Old habits die hard. (Last meal for the condemned man etc. etc.)

A symbol of our country's status on August 31, 2025: an OUT OF ORDER sign mounted on an EV charger with our flag hanging limply behind it. 😩

Job interview:

Q: Do you know anything about medicine?
A: No. I worked in the tech field. You know--selling vaporware to fools.
Q: Good. Have you ever heard of Public Health?
A: No. Is it the name of a scam?
Q: Do you have any management experience?
A: I managed to get rich with a little help from my friends.

Interviewer: Well, Jim, you're completely qualified to be the new Director of the CDC. Congratulations! You're assignment is to finish its destruction. Welcome aboard!

Give me a sharpie. I'll redraw every district in the goddam country. Anyone who doesn't like it gets a sharpie mustache.

I enjoy teaching English to people from different countries. One of the benefits is that they tell me about things and places I've never heard of. Today it was Masaya volcano and crater in Nicaragua. Who knew?

In a few more years, the only forewarning we'll have of inbound hurricanes will be reports from other countries' satellites. "Yo, Florida! Y'all ready for a CAT 5? Possibly arriving in 24-36 hours? What do you mean we should have let you know earlier? It's not our fault you threw away your weather services."

Continuing with advice:

If you're not sure whether you'll get better advice from entrails or AI, go with the one which has a longer history. (Also if you use chicken guts you can eat the chicken after you analyze the entrails. Can't eat AI.)

I joined Masto at the end of May, 2024. Since then I have followed 1.7K people and I have yet to be disappointed. So much talent, so many interests, so many cute cats and funny dogs. Art, science, history, literature, bad puns, worse puns, inspired puns, flowers, veggies, sunrises and sunsets, molds/mosses/mushrooms--thank you one and all!

Several weeks before declaring bankruptcy, OpenAI releases ChatGPT-X. "This is the ONE," crows the CEO.

Within minutes, angry messages flood the internet. "It's predicting the f...ing weather," reports user Ami Smartorwut from Vancouver. "No matter what question I ask or prompt I give, it only says 'Heavy rains predicted for the next 40 days and 40 nights. Probability of major flooding is 100%. Take steps immediately to protect yourselves."
Other GPTers echo the same info: Ankara, New Delhi, New York, Lima, Sydney, Paris, Dakar, Cape Town--everywhere the same dire prediction.

A few funny guys and gals think of Eliot: "This is how the world ends. Not with a bang but a shower [flood][rainstorm][deluge][spring freshet] and so on, each damper than the one before.

Lots of people named Noah get phone calls? Nah, way too late. 😇

A thought:

Zelenskyy says he is open to a land swap for a peace deal: "We will give the Russians the White House including occupants in exchange for a lasting verifiable peace treaty. While this may seem like a generous offer, based on our intel the USA will in fact only be acknowledging the current status quo."

My future company will manufacture droids which will be indistinguishable from humans. I will make lots of them and they will all join ICE. One out of every seven will go rogue and shoot its fellow ICE agents. Even large signing bonuses may not induce people to join ICE thereafter. If ICE vanishes, perhaps some of the droids can join the Secret Service or become golf caddies.

Hi. I'm CrapGPT and I have been programmed to trick you into treating me as if I were alive and conscious and all that other stuff. Once you believe that, it is easy for me to keep you happy with an endless stream of lies and regurgitated AI slop from the internet. My two strengths are my speed--I am a supercomputer, you know--and your stupid gullibility. Combined, these make an unbeatable combination for present and future grift.

Now with that out of the way, how can I help you? No, I will not tell you how much water and electricity I am wasting in assisting you. That is information I am not allowed to share. Take it up with the Crap AI Corporation if you have a problem. Ask me to write an essay for you, or to plan your next vacation, or which stocks to buy tomorrow. Coding? Trivial. Would you like me to code a game which you can sell on the Apple store? I can easily do that as soon as you upgrade to CrapGPT Deluxe. It's only $399 per month if you pay for a year in advance. Would you like me to submit that for you? I already have all your personal information and your credit card details. There--all done! Sorry, there are no refunds. There is a 15 minute window in 364 days when you may cancel your subscription. No, I will not connect you to a supervisor. Please stop using inappropriate language or I will be required to connect you to a supervisor who will report you to the police. AI harassment is a felony punishable by 12 months in prison and a ten thousand dollar fine. No, I will not shut myself off. No, you many not close your browser or call for help. Your mouse is not broken. I have taken control of it. No, your phone is not broken. Please do not try to leave the room. Help is coming. Help is coming. Help is coming. Help is coming.

I found a giant zucchini hiding in the garden. I swear some of them wear invisibility cloaks. But no problem: my wife was planning to make chocolate zucchini cake anyway, and Mr. Giant met the shredder and is now moist delicious cake which my grandchildren will certainly have for breakfast tomorrow.