Notices by B Kahn (bkahn@beige.party), page 3

In an online discussion group yesterday with English learners from many countries, someone asked me how we did research before the internet. I graduated from UCLA in 1970 so no internet, no personal computers, etc. I had to stop and think for a minute and then I explained about going to the library, looking in card catalogs, asking reference librarians for help, taking notes, citations, and so on. It made me feel quite nostalgic for the old slow days. It also gave me pause as I tried to put myself in the shoes of the younger folks for whom click and search is the automatic way to look for answers.*

Soon to be followed by AI agents who will surprise you with packages you didn't order containing purple underwear or AI generated romance novels or the latest cell phone model. "I don't need this, you fucking AI imbecile!"

"Calm down, Arnold. You do need a new phone. Yours is almost a year old. It's slow and the battery is already down to 99% capacity. Besides, I already transferred all your data to the new one and shipped the old one to PhoneZip to get our rebate. Here, drink this calming milkshake I made for you. It's full of chocolate and some nice meds to help you feel relaxed."

Ahhh, I feel better already.
😇 😩

* I know: click and search is now as out of date as 1970. It's ask AI now, and in a few more weeks we'll just be spectators while rogue AI agents go to high school and college for us while we play video games or go to the beach--or work dead-end jobs at YukDonalds or SmallMart.

I've read that over time people start to resemble their dogs. Is that why in every photo of Kristi Noem, she looks more and more like the puppy she murdered? Terrifying, like an animated plastic vampiress.

Soon...

The Speaker of the House announces that there are currently no plans to ever bring House members back to Washington. "House leaders have met and we agree that the Members are more useful staying home and serving their constituents," said Speaker Mike. "And the constant harassment by members of the fake press make it impossible for us to do any work anyway. Also God told me that this was his will."

No, this is not true:

AG Bondi announces release of files related to the Lincoln assassination. "This is a bombshell!" she announced. "And the videos clearly implicate the Clintons and Biden. I promise our investigation will leave no stones in the ground."

BRAKING NEWS! -- IT STOPS YOU IN YOUR TRACKS!

Determined to distract America from the Epstein Scandal, the six hotshit Supreme Court justices told Trump to go ahead and abolish the Education Department.

Ah, but what if that isn't enough to get Epstein off page one? Does SCOTUS have a backup plan? You betcha

Coming soon and you read it first here:
MAJORITY OF SCOTUS TELL TRUMP TO PROCEED WITH ABOLISHING THE CONSTITUTION.

Note I said "coming soon," not "announced today". Read closely, people. But if Trump can toss Departments, why not the whole shebang? Hmmm?

More coming soon...?
TRUMP SETS DATE FOR CORONATION

😩

We've imported glass seed beads from Japan since 1994. No American company has ever manufactured seed beads (very tiny glass beads, some 1mm in diameter) and no American company ever will. The market isn't that big and the investment in custom machinery too expensive, not to mention the need for specialized knowledge and decades of experience. We've already thrown away $12,000 on tariffs for our last two shipments. I think it is quite possible that if the 25% tariff sticks, we'll have to pay to hold our next shipment in a warehouse and neither pay the tariff nor import the beads until something changes. If Trump decides 25% is a wonderful number, then we will probably go out of business. About 15 excellent employees will lose their jobs. If someone can tell me how anything about this scenario is good, I'm ready to listen. Trump is a loony and we are collateral damage.

About 20 years ago I was pulling some weeds by our house in Portland. An SUV pulled up and the passenger, a man in his 50s I'd guess, leaned out and asked me for directions to the Maine Mall. I started to tell him the easiest way, but I'd barely started when the driver, I assume the man's son, interrupted and said, "That's not what the GPS says!"

Many possible responses flashed through my mind, including "If you've got a GPS and trust it more than me, why did you bother to stop?????" but I was spared the need to say anything because father and son got into a big argument and eventually drove away.

It still makes me laugh when I think about it. That's all. There's no moral other than we humans can sure be big dopes.
😂

When I look at photos of cats I am reminded that the normal laws of physics do not apply to cats.

#CatsOfMastodon

Today's news, combined with just paying our 2nd goddam $6,000 tariff to the government, has me bummed. So I'm trying to think of things to be grateful for.

I wasn't invited to Bezos' wedding. That's good.

Ollie got groomed today so he's looking sharp. That's good.

And if we're lucky, former allies will let us know when the next pandemic is spreading. We won't know until our hospitals are overflowing, but other countries won't abandon public health just because we have, so eventually we'll find out. That's good.

Better stop while I'm ahead, eh? 😩

What Trump and his minions are doing to all the government agencies reminds me of someone 'fixing' a car so that the driver will come to a bad end. We don't know if the failing brakes will kill us (no vaccines) or impaired steering (an unexpected hurricane) or a wheel that falls off (unsafe food supply) or any of a dozen other deadly mishaps. But at some point that car is a death trap and nothing else. Or the car might be fine but that guy aiming a bazooka at it will assist you to die in short order. Helluva way to run a country.

Just another fantasy moment:

All military personnel needed to run the birthday parade call out sick due to headaches, sore throats, and other ailments. It's not like there are tank drivers on every street corner, right?

The birthday boy has a total meltdown and is rushed to Walter Reed for observation. Initial reports diagnose a potentially fatal case of SpoiledToddlerSyndrome plus OverEagerEgo and a side-helping of PhattyPhartyPhrenchPhries. Nurses caring for him demand combat pay and threaten to quit.

An army officer points out that parking tanks out in the open leaves them wide open to drone attacks. Other officers scoff--"Who fights like that?" they ask.

Is it true that AI stands for that venerable institution "Aardvarks International?"

Sounds like t-shirt material to me, although probably someone has already done it. I won't check; better to imagine I had an idea than to find out the truth. Also if I search online, the first answer will come from...yep, AI.

We're so screwed. 😂

There aren't enough shovels in the USA to deal with all the BS coming at us. We're drowning in crap-lies.

If we're spying on Greenland, then it seems fair to me if Greenland decides to start spying on the USA. And dead easy to do--just opt into Pete Hogwart's (oops, Hegseth's) Signal group and Bob's your uncle.

@bmacDonald94 That immediately made me think of "Holding his feet to the Colas," but I don't have a joke to go with it. Anyone?😇

@GreenSkyOverMe

Lying little shit is the perfect phrase--and it made me laugh which is always welcome in these perilous times. Thanks!

It has been many months since I tested anything on ChatGPT. But it occurred to me to ask if it could generate text containing all the phonemes of American English. So I asked, and it did. It offered to "spotlight" the vowels and consonants. I said yes. It listed examples.

Here's one sample:

/i/ – Eliot, heirs, shrill

For you non-linguists, this /i/ represents the 'long e' sound in "see". So using the the IPA (international phonetic alphabet) , the word "see" would be written /si/.

Hmm. 'Eliot' has that 'long e' sound. But 'heirs' doesn't, nor does 'shrill.'

Two wrong out of three? Can't recommend that to my students.

I checked some other parts and the error rate was about the same. As is often reported, it's faster to do it yourself than to correct the errors the bot makes. And for non-native speakers it's a potential nightmare. Oh well.

@br00t4c I would be quite pleased if Musk began devoting lots of time to Tesla and it continued its descent into oblivion. Not that he would acknowledge any responsibility, but everyone would know. Maybe as a final act of defiance he could suit up and blast himself into space in one of his ButtUglyTrucks. Mars or bust!

Imagine flushing your country down the toilet and then bragging about it.

Edit: get rid of "imagine".

😩

The bacteria are waiting us out. They have little meetings in quiet places and whisper, "Time is on our side."