@novid I went outside in my elastomeric respirator for the first time ever today. My head hurts from the straps and weight quite a bit, I definitely prefer regular ffp2/ffp3 on the long run. People were giving me wide eyed stares, not even trying to hide it or avoid eye contact. Kind of funny tbh. And in a way, I kind of get it. I have never seen anyone around walking through the city in an elastomeric either. No actual harrasment though today. Data point: Poland
The other day, when i posted "leftovers", I realised I was not fullfilling my ambition to face the trash in me and my surroundings properly, that I stated as my album concept for "gomi". I am being cowardly. I look away from the things that are hard for me. I am still failing to accept my failures and truly challenge the toxic perfectionist inside me. Thus I have decided to publish something unpublishable, something that no one "in the know" would ever consider something worth releasing to the world. But that is exactly why I am posting this. Raw, unedited, uncut, unplanned, unfiltered, improvised, horribly recorded, including all the random stumbles, some unintentional microtonality. And my nails are not trimmed properly and you can hear it in the sound. This is a "nutritious word salad".
20 minutes of me doing a random stream of conciousness with my voice and guitar. Pure imperfection. There is nothing revolutionary here, or maybe even particularily worth listening to. But that is not the point here. 1/3 -the rest of the post is below, behind a differnt CW
I was trained to be a classical guitarist since I was 7 years old. The training failed, as I did not become what everyone expected me to become. But it taught me cripplling self doubt, conflicting ideas about myself, internalized elitism, the idea that music is a "competition", and the idea that if I am not the best, then I am not enough, and if I am not enough, then I am pure trash. TLDR it gave me trauma. Of course there were some good things too, maybe even a lot of them, but still. I blame the system, not the individuals I interacted with. Most of them were okay, and well meaning. Still, again, the result is what it is. Saying that school as an institution (no matter if music or "regular") is traumagenic is basically a truism at this point. (Abolish schools!) I finished "music high school", and have a diploma that officialy states that I am a musician. Once I got the diploma, I simply stopped playing. I stopped being a musician, even though I never really perceived myself as one. Kinda ironic.
I had some long periods of even being unable to listen to music. Years later, I started to slowly try and forget the things I was taught. But I also had to grieve the loss of the imaginary self I was supposed to become. Grieve the inevitable drastic loss of skills due to extremely neglecting them. I was grieving it over and over, unable to move forward. Any music I actually got out of myself was despite the things I learned in school, not thanks to them. Now I will proudly post trash, to spite the weird, warped, shadow versions of my teachers, of the competition judges, of my peers, that live rent free in my head. Maybe I will be able to evict them, when I overflow them with the trash. There will be no more room for them. This is not definitely not the kind of "album" that they ever expected me to release.
I took some leftovers from yesterdays (1 february, not published) improvisation, put some garnish on top, microwaved it and I am serving it to you as is. Better to eat it rather than just throw it away. #BandcampFriday
#RadioFreeFedi is fucking great. If you want to make sure that you are always up to date with news from the station, you can turn on notifications for their posts. That's what I did and thanks to that I never miss it when new music is added or events are announced. RFF could also use some volunteers, as well as donations. It also need some help with outreach- can you make a post about RFF that would let it reach more corners of the fediverse and beyond?
To celebrate the nonbinary name off contest organized by gender census, ( @gendercensus ) I made this track in which Ash and Moss love each other very much. Everyone is a winner.
This is definitely not the best "song" i ever made but it was fun lol. This song is inspired by the events of the Radio Free Fedi New year parade and all the cool and wonderful people in the chat. Samples are taken from the movie we watched on New ellijay TV - "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians". This is most likely not bonkwave, as it is post-ironic lo-fi radarbonk. lol
I have frequently dreaded the new years because of all the noise and various forms of social pressure etc. [And now, even more than before, lack of accessible and safer gatherings (we are living in a pandemic, goddamit)] It is good to have something cool to look forward to, that better fits my way of being and partying. It will be the first new years party i will be tuning in since... 5 years I guess? I am glad this exists.
I cannot and will not accept the world we live in. We are seeing a rise in COVID cases everywhere.
I leave the house and I am hit by stories of people losing friends to covid or its complications, who see my mask as an invitation to share it. Maskless people are sharing stories with me about death and disabilty.
People close to me are forced to participate in risky situations because the people in power in their institutions care more about their egoes than acting according to science, reason, empathy. I can only look at this, and do what, write letters? Be nice to the random strangers talking about their trauma and tell them to mask and vaccinate? I know it is better than nothing, but this whole powerlessness is fucking overwhelming. This feels lonely and frustrating and anxious and it is being in a constant unresolved state of grief that cannot be resolved unless everyone starts to do fucking anything to stop this. Everyone. You. We. We need to build a movement. We need to build radical communal care collectives. This is too much to bear alone. You should build one. You should mask. For yourself, for me, for others, for the children,for the elderly... We need to do something. Or this immense sea of suffering and death and disability will swallow us all and drown us in despair.
"Mask mandates take away my personal choice to infect myself and others!!!" "You telling me to consider going vegan takes away my freedom to continue participating in murdering animals!!!11"
"Blocking fakebook by an instance (not even my instance, any instance) means taking away my individual choice to interact with a poor product with shitty moderation made by a murderous company literally responsible for genocide !!!1 you are dividing fedi you gatekeeper!!"
This is boring. For fucks sake. I might mute the word threads and facebook for a while.
Queer, weird, disabled and here to read about all kind of activist related stuff. I like natureposting. Sometimes I post my more or less noisy music-y (or not) thingies. Or art or stuff idk.Possibly an upiรณr. A fish, a frog fan, and as of recently, a meercat. You would wear a mask to protect a meercat, right?All vibes only.#nobridge #nobot #covidIsNotOver