Notices by 🏴 (scorpiontongue@kolektiva.social), page 4

someone on twitter :: "people pleasing is manipulation."

me, doing the dishes & praying he won't hurt me :: "oh really."

me, taking responsibility for everything bc i'm afraid he's going to kill me :: "no way."

me, after years of therapy, attempting to heal my brain from the tbi :: "guess i was the bad guy after all, huh 🥲" /s

a new friend just told me he "wants to be like me," and how do i break it to him that the last few people who said that to me came out as trans girls, like, within a few months.

look, i am as submissive & breedable as they come, but if the red states & Prager U *genuinely* keep making curriculum to the tune of "it's okay for women to stay at home!!" without also changing the current economic reality... they're just coercing people into poverty.

now, i know & you know that submission *is their goal.*

they want women & families to be so goddamned broke and exhausted, they can't meaningfully rebel. they want to exhaust our resources, by creating an unwinnable situation & then punishing us for losing.

we know that.
we can still poke holes in their argument & beat them at their "marketplace of ideas* bullshit.
(if only because sparring keeps us sharp.)

with that in mind, i want to add,

😐
there is a big gulf between girlboss feminism's obsession with raises && the economic realities that ::
- one income can hardly support a whole family😵💫
- being a non-working trad wife to a single-income family can easily trap women in abuse
- the whole reason feminists started fighting for economic equality was because **we were trapped & it fucking sucked**

i understand that Prager U & the red state's *entire goal* is to tell the oppressor's history. i know their educational model is apologia. i know they are bad faith actors.

i also think it's important to point out why they're wrong. because their ideas will become even more clear & prolific. and i want to be prepared to swat them.

professors: so, did you finish your thesis yet?

me: *laughing nervously* no, haha, but i did reclaim my life, which has been horiffically broken since 2016. i don't get panic attacks when i go outside anymore, and i want to meet new people for the first time in like a century.

😅😅😅😅😅

i want some folk singer to write an ode to the lefty doomsday preppers.

one time, a doctor told me that BPD was "a sexist way of telling someone they had PTSD." they also told me "most people with BPD have experienced some form of childhood sexual abuse.*

and *stares into camera*,
it's almost like things other than "going to war in a military" can cause trauma disorders.

today's reminder that the mental health & asylum industries came about as a way to incarcerate undesirables & people who challenged the white supremacist & cishetero-patriarchy.

for the most part, cis-male therapists used to tell me i have bi-polar or BPD. woman & queer therapist diagnosed me with PTSD.

once i got the resources & clear headedness to advocate for myself, i did standard PTSD therapy. i rested a LOT. i fixed a few problems in my life. and now i do not have a diagnosable mental illness.

please tell me who it serves to slap lifelong, "you'll never get better & there's no way to fix this" tags on patients.
please tell me who profits from that.
please tell me who suffers.

*grabs a pitchfork*
and let's change this paradigm, pls.

it's not that women & queer people & bipoc are inherently more mentally ill. it's that the definition of mentally ill was created to manage, marginalize and control us.

the categorization intends to turn our trauma responses, discomfort, dissent, differeing values .... into individual pathologies, and not rational, reasonable and collective responses to mass societal trauma and fundamentally abusive social structures.

today's reminder that the first amendment protects journalists from getting *killed by the government* and says nothing about being yelled at, getting their ass beat or milkshake'd by civilians.

i genuinely don't think the left needs to be "unified." i actually think "unity" makes it easier for the [bad guys] to justify total war & destruction against all of us.
i *do* know that rome was attacked from all sides, by tribes & peoples who hated it for so many different reasons, & it was failing internally, when it fell.

people keep picking doomsday cults over being a good friend / person,
and i'm starting to think maaaayyyyybbeeeee doomsday cults aren't helping anyone except the ""charismatic"" leaders & their truly warped egos !!!!!!!!!!!!

it's funny when people cry that we need to have "more compassion for abusers!!"

it is often compassion for our abusers that partially keeps us stuck in horrible situations.
it is often wanting to help them.
it is often our loving them, that justifies "why we stay."

survivors have enough compassion for our abusers. too much.
it is learning to have compassion for ourselves that we really need. and, i think society lacks love for survivors more than it lacks compassion for abusers.

what would a world look like, where our needs were met? where our safety was put over their "rehabilitation," their reinstatement of power?

god, i'm sorry for ranting so much & also i promise i will start fighting ""the real enemy"" again soon.

my posts about tankies are ::
- genuine
- blowing off steam
- an attempt for me to deprogram myself from the bullshit i've been coerced to believe, accept & obey
- rhetorical sparring, for me to be ready to fight other villains, again.

i haven't lost sight of the oil & fracking barons, the capitalists, the land theft & eugenicists. i'm just reflecting on how to make my next moves, now that i've gotten free of the "friends" and "loved ones" who wanted to crush & control me.

it's not fun to have to shuck off so much violence, from so many spheres. it's not fun to have to process how people you loved did you so much harm. it's not fun to realize the spirals and fractal patterns of predatory violence. i hate that it's been so deep in my home, that so few places have ever been safe.
& i dearly want that to change.

my fmr tankie bff
yells at anarchists whenever we mention,
"we're afraid of your ideology bc it has historically killed us."

&& i'm just gna say ::
yelling at your friends when we're .... worried your attaining power might kill us .... does not put us at ease, but rather validates the belief that you shouldn't be in power 😵💫

perhaps, building a revolutionary theory based off of running defense for mass murderers was .... not the most liberating idea people have ever had.

hot take :: the peace police tankies ~~are the real counterrevolutionaries~~ 🤭🤭🤭

being abused made my "real work,"
(eg. fighting ppl who destroyed the land & stole territory, using my skillset to untangle vast social problems & research solutions, tracking systemic abuse & finding the core architects of genocide)
so much harder.

having to take two years off to recover from my tbi (which i got in an abusive situation), and do enough emdr so i could go in public again without having a panic attack .... curtailed my "real work" so much.

abuse within the movement stymies activism, change making & bad actor hunting sososo much. we absolutely need internal liberation & internal safe guards.

because if we are not even safe at home, in our organizing circles, in our beds, in our most intimate moments, we will be missing so much necessary strength... strength we absolutely need to muster, to fight the oppressive, structural cruelty.

therapy can help you sort thru what happened.
it can help you understand why your reactions are so extreme, and why you may do things sometimes that you're ashamed of.
it can give you tools to change your behavior.
it can help you learn to be less hot-headed or reactive.
it can help you process the past, and that can absolutely change how you see the present.

but, you have to be *willing* to do all that. you have to be willing to tell the truth and self-reflect and unpack and change.

and, um, most people who are genuinely invested in power over others (aka abusers)... are not willing to do that.
abusers feel entitled to their cruelty.
that's the fucking *problem.*