Notices by BELRRR LRRRGOSI :bc: (lrrronearth@beige.party), page 4

@yeoldepunk

GREETINGS, EARTH BAG. I AM LRRR, RULER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI 8. I AM ALSO, SHAMEFULLY, AN INVOLUNTARY RESIDENT OF EARTH.

MY INTERESTS INCLUDE LOUD MUSIC, GIANT LASERS, DEATH RAYS, CARNAGE, CONQUEST, PETTY VENGEANCE, NOT-SO-POPULAR CULTURE, AND EATING PEOPLE. WHICH IS WHY IT SEEMS *ODD* THAT THEY DIDN'T WARN YOU ABOUT ME.

I AM BEIGE PARTY'S LOUDEST, TALLEST, HEAVIEST, MOST CONCEPTUALLY DEMANDING SHITPOSTER. IN THAT CAPACITY, I SAY: HI.

I ONCE SUMMONED ALL MY GENERALS TO OMICRON PERSEI 8 TO SHOW THEM THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK THE ENEMY DOESN'T WANT THEM TO KNOW.

CUTTING EDGE RESEARCH THAT TELLS ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR:

https://theonion.com/therapists-recommend-treating-people-like-shit-if-you-r-1829600886/

TAGGING @tayfonay FOR VALIDATION AND REACH.

YES, GOD, I AM SO FUCKING PSYCHED FOR THIS:

I COULD REALLY USE A $50,000 CASH BRIBE.

MAYBE I'LL DEPORT A PERSON OF YOUR CHOOSING INTO THE LIFELESS VACUUM OF SPACE. IT'S A GREAT DEAL.

@plaidtron3000

THAT'S REALLY NOT HOW THIS WORKS.

“NORMALIZING VIOLENCE? HUMANS DON'T NEED GWAR FOR THAT. THERE IS NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT THE LOONEY TOON VIOLENCE ACTED OUT ON A GWAR STAGE. GWAR IS ABSURDIST SPECTACLE. GWAR IS TO VIOLENCE WHAT THE NEW YORK POST IS TO JOURNALISM. RIDICULOUS."

https://consequence.net/2025/09/maga-is-mad-at-gwar/

YOU WANT ME TO BE SCARED OF SECRET PENISES BUT YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A MUCH OF A BETCH TO BUILD A 400-FOOT IDOL WITH AN INFLATABLE WEINER? GO HAVE SOME MORE HEART DISEASE.

ALL THIS CULTURE WAR STUFF IS REALLY GETTING IN THE WAY OF HIM BUILDING HUGE SCULPTURES OF HIMSELF. BUSH LEAGUE.

MY SECOND ACT AS RULER OF EARTH WILL BE TO BUILD JUST SUCH A MONUMENT OF MYSELF. YOU WON'T GET TO SEE IT, THOUGH. BECAUSE OF MY FIRST ACT AS RULER.

OK, I HAVE MOVED ON. NOW I'M HOPING AND PRAYING FOR A NICE HOAGIE. COPPA, SALAMI, PROSCIUTTO, TOMATOES, LETTUCE, BANANA PEPPERS, RED ONIONS, AND A VINAIGRETTE THAT IS LIKE 85% VINEGAR. GOOD BREAD. SOFT, BUT STRUCTURALLY SOUND.

I DON'T THINK CHARLIE KIRK WOULD LIKE WHAT I'M HOPING AND PRAYING FOR.

[IT'S MY GIANT DEATH RAY. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HIM.]

I'M ROLLING HOME A BARREL OF DELI MEATS AND AM GONNA FIND OUT IF OMICRONIANS CAN GET GOUT. FUCK IT.

PER THE TERMS OF SERVICE, YOU WAIVE YOUR RIGHT TO LITIGATE ANY CLAIMS IN COURT AND INSTEAD AGREE TO FIGHT ME TO THE DEATH IN AN ELECTRIFIED CAGE.

EVEN I AM NOT IMMUNE TO HOPE.

I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER MYSELF UP AS RULER OF EARTH, IF THE POSITION OPENS UP.

SPRING ROLLS ARE SALAD SAUSAGE.

I WASN'T GONNA SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE CRACKER BARREL FATWA BUT THEN THE UNIVERSE GAVE ME THIS: