Notices by LRRR :bc: (lrrronearth@beige.party), page 4

14 HOURS INTO THE CONQUEST OF OHIO AND THERE HAS BEEN EXACTLY ZERO RESISTANCE. I HAVE LIQUIDATED LAKEWOOD AND BURNED BRECKSVILLE, BUT EVERYONE IS ALL "THANK GOD!" AND "FINALLY" WHEN MY GIANT WALKING EYE STARTS TURNING THEM INTO CARBON.

THE INTERNET IS A BIG PLACE, AND OFFICIOUS INTERMEDDLERS CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES IN EVERY PART OF IT --EXCEPT, OF COURSE, FOR MY MENTIONS.

HONESTLY, IT'S 2025. HOW HAS ANYONE NOT FIGURED OUT THAT CAPS LOCK IS A THING?

I HAD SOME DIPSHIT EXPLAIN TO ME THAT TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS CONSIDERED AGGRESSIVE. AND HE BLOCKED ME BEFORE I COULD FIX HIS LOCATION WITH MY LASER.

I KNOW IT'S AGGRESSIVE! IT'S WHY I DO IT!

GOD... DAMN IT, I NEED TO EAT SOMEBODY.

TO QUOTE MY PAL BENDER, MAYBE BLASTING THIS QUADRANT OF SPACE INTO A HELLSTORM OF FLAMING NOTHINGNESS WILL CHEER ME UP A LITTLE.

@cgsines

I'M DISAPPOINTED IN ME, TOO. I FAIL AT EVERYTHING I TRY.

@cgsines

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. I SHOULD BE SITTING ON THE SKULL THRONE, OVERLOOKING A BEACH, EATING TACOS FULL OF EWOK MEAT AND DRINKING A LRRRGARITA.

HA HA HA. WE DO THE SAME THING:

REALIZE THAT ME BEING AN ALLY CUTS BOTH WAYS. WHEN LITTLE GREEN MEN START ASKING ABOUT THE BAD STUFF I DID, I EXPECT MATERIAL ASSISTANCE.

ONE OF THE RARE DOWNSIDES TO NOT INTERACTING WITH TWITTER IS MISSING OUT ON THE CURRENT ROUND OF VICIOUS INFIGHTING BETWEEN PEOPLE WHO I THINK SHOULD BE MULCHED, COMPOSTED, AND USED FOR GARDENING.

THE SMOKE SIGNALS SEEM TO SUGGEST THAT THE ELONITES AND MAGA HAVE REMEMBERED THAT THEY HATE EACH OTHER, AND THEY'RE COMING TO BLOWS OVER IT. I HOPE THEY ALL LOSE.

I WANT WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WANTS: THE UNQUESTIONING RELIGIOUS LOYALTY OF A BRONZE AGE SOCIETY AND THE ABSOLUTE POWER TO VISIT HORRORS UPON THEM IF I'M SAD.

GET IN, LOSER. WE'RE CANONIZING A FOLK HERO.

I'M GLAD THE HAWK TUAH GIRL ROBBED A BUNCH OF BOZOS THEN VANISHED. BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME, IMO.

GOING HUNTING AT THE MALL. I HAVE MY 8XL SANTA SUIT AND EVERYTHING.

"IT IS I, SANTA, RULER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI... NORTH POLE!" DAMN IT. SHIT. THESE KIDS LOOK SUSPICIOUS.

STOP STRUGGLING AND TELL ME WHAT SEASONINGS YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS.

IGNORE THE STENCH. THAT'S, UH, ELF... SMELL. ELF SMELL. YEAH. IT'S A CHRISTMAS THING. COME CLOSER.

"PEACE ON EARTH?" LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT. PEACE IS THE ABSENCE OF CONFLICT AND CONFLICT IS THE ESSENCE OF EXISTENCE. WHO RAISED YOU? WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS? I'M SENDING YOU BACK.

ON BRAND: