Notices by LRRR :bc: (lrrronearth@beige.party), page 3

@clacke @Tergenev @HamonWry

THIS MISUNDERSTANDING WAS THE FOUNDATION OF THE JOKE.

@HamonWry I WENT BACK TO THE ZUCKERVERSE FOR A DAY. SOMEONE CALLED ME A LINGUISTIC PRESCRIPTIVIST AND TOLD ME TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I ARGUED THAT ALASKA IS PART OF THE CONTINENTAL U.S. IT WAS A GEOGRAPHY TRIVIA MEME. I MEAN, I... WHUH.

THIS PLACE IS A SACRED GROVE.

"JUST CUT OFF THE HEAD AND THE SNAKE WILL DIE," I SHOUT FROM THE BACK OF A LONG LINE AT COSTCO.

YOU CAN REPLY TO MOST LINKEDIN POSTS WITH "DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!?!?!"

@carcosa DAMN, THAT'S A LONG TIME. AND HIS ESTATE IS COMMITTED TO MERCILESSLY WRINGING EVERY POSSIBLE PENNY OUT OF HIS I.P.

Ooc: just when I thought my trip couldn't get any worse, an asshole called me a child abuser for having my kid wear a mask in the airport. Here he is. I hate him.

OMICRONIAN MALES ARE THE BEST. KILL YOUR BROODMATES; EAT YOUR MOTHER; CONTINUALLY TRY TO IMPRESS YOUR DISTANT AND ALOOF FATHER BEFORE VIOLENTLY DEPOSING HIM IN AN ORGY OF GORE AND PAIN; APPROACH EVERYONE WITH KINDNESS* AND CURIOSITY; AND RECOGNIZE THAT EVERYONE WANT LOVE, COMFORT, SAFETY, AND ACCEPTANCE JUST LIKE YOU DO.

*EXCEPTIONS APPLY (SEE, E.G., GEESE, OUTWORLDERS)

THE HUMANS WHO CALL THEMSELVES ALPHA MALES ARE FUCKING INSUFFERABLE. OMICRONIAN MEN ARE, AT WORST, RELEASE CANDIDATES.

I PROMISE TO DO A "PLANET ACKNOWLEDGEMENT" AFTER VAPORIZING YOUR SPECIES AND PLUNDERING YOUR PLANET'S RESOURCES.

PEOPLE, LIKE FANCY GADGETS THAT WORK BADLY AND REQUIRE CONSTANT EXPENSIVE MAINTENANCE, ARE COMPLICATED.

NORMALLY, I DON'T FEEL BAD WHEN SOMEONE UNFOLLOWS ME, BUT I LOST THE GUY WHO TEACHES JUGGLING AT REED COLLEGE TODAY OVER WRITING IN ALL CAPS. THAT LOSS REALLY STINGS. JUST A MASSIVE PUNCH IN THE DICK. I WAS PROUD AND DEEPLY AMUSED THAT HE FOLLOWED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE.

BRO YOU GOTTA SWITCH TO A CATAMARAN FOR THE CLIMATE. DITCH THE ORCA MAGNET FOR A CATAMARAN AND IT'LL SAVE THE WORLD, BRO. IT'LL SAVE THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD.

THE WORLD GREENWASHING CONFERENCE INSPIRES LITTLE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR SPECIES.

NOBODY GOES TO POUND TOWN FOR ITS EXCELLENT MUSEUMS OR SCENIC RIVER WALK, WHICH IS A SHAME.

WHY DOES NOT SANTA CLAUS SIMPLY USE HIS SUPERIOR SURVEILLANCE AND LOGISTICS TECHNOLOGY TO LAY WASTE TO HUMANITY AND EXPLOIT EARTH'S REMAINING RESOURCES?

LAST CHANCE TO BINGE SONGS TO MAKE YOUR SPOTIFY WRAPPED PLAYLIST LOOK LESS STUPID.

THE LAST THREE AND A HALF YEARS HAVE BEEN SUCH A MASSIVE TEABAGGING BY FEAR, ISOLATION, LOSS, GRIEF, AND SADNESS. THE FRIENDS AND FAMILY WE LOST, THE SHATTERED FAITH IN OTHERS, THE CHRONIC AILMENTS THAT TAIL AFTER SOME OF US, THE UNATTENDED FUNERALS, THE MISSED BIRTHS, THE TOTAL DISCONNECT BETWEEN LIVED EXPERIENCE AND THE NARRATIVES OF NEEDING TO RETURN TO THE OFFICE, THE STUNTED SOCIAL LIVES, THE FEELING THAT IT'S STILL MARCH 2020 AND THAT THIS COULD LAST UNTIL MAY OR MAYBE JUNE, THE PERVASIVE SENSE THAT SOMETHING IS INEFFABLY BUT STILL VERY WRONG AND WILL NEVER IN OUR LIFETIMES BE OKAY. IT'S ALL TOO MUCH, AND WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT, AND IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE ENOUGH PEOPLE CARE THE RIGHT WAY.

IF YOU WANT, THIS IS A GOOD THREAD TO YELL ABOUT COVID TRAUMA.

OOC: I'll start.

I DIDN'T GET TO HAVE A REAL LAW SCHOOL GRADUATION! I EARNED GOLD CORDS AND I WANTED TO FUCKING WEAR THEM IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND BE SEEN IN GRADUATION PHOTOS BY TOTAL STRANGERS FOR DECADES AS THE FANCIEST BITCH OF ALL! I WANTED TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY FRIENDS! I WANTED TO BE IMPRESSIVE!

I WANTED MY PARENTS TO BE THERE WHEN MY SON WAS BORN! I WANTED THEM TO HOLD HIM WHEN HE WAS STILL SQUISHED AND SMALL AND HAD NEVER KNOWN DARKNESS!!

I WISH MY UNCLE WHO I ONLY REALLY SAW AT WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS WAS STILL ALIVE!

I WISH I DIDN'T STOP EXERCISING AND START EATING INDULGENTLY 44 MONTHS AGO. I WANT THE ROUTINE AND THE BODY AND THE GOOD FEELINGS I USED TO HAVE!!

I WANTED TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE I COULD JUST GET A BABYSITTER SOMETIMES!!!

I WANT TO GO TO SHOWS. I WISH THE OPEN MIKE EAGLE SHOW I WAS PLANNING TO GO TO WASN'T CANCELLED IN MARCH 2020.

I'm tired of yelling.

I wish I could think better of my friends and neighbors, or take my kids into a grocery store and scold my son for misbehaving.

I wish I wasn't getting lied to all the time by the fourth estate.

I wish I wasn't so angry and scared and alone. I wish I needed this less.

I wish my wife could still breathe cold air.

I miss the future we were all supposed to have.

IN MY MIND, BEIGE.PARTY IS A LOT LIKE THE TOUR BUS FOR DOCTOR TEETH AND THE ELECTRIC MAYHEM: HELD TOGETHER WITH CHICKENWIRE AND GUM, PLYING THE COUNTRYSIDE PACKED TO THE GILLS WITH MISFITS AND MUPPETS, AND ALWAYS ONE BONG HIT AWAY FROM PLUNGING OFF A CLIFF AND EXPLODING. IT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT.

THE LACK OF TRAPDOORS IN EARTH OFFICES IS JUST PATHETIC.