Notices by BELRRR LRRRGOSI :bc: (lrrronearth@beige.party), page 2

WHY NOT? ZOIDBERG LEAGUE:

MAKE SURE THE TRANS PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE HAVE THE REFLECTIVE VESTS AND BLINKING LIGHTS (AND, IF NECESSARY, AREA DENIAL WEAPONS AND EGRESS DEVICES) THEY NEED ON THIS TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY.

IN SPACE, NOBODY CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM. OUTSIDE OF SPACE, NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOU SCREAM. YOU JUST CAN'T WIN.

ONCE I JAILBREAK THE DEATH RAY, THERE ARE GONNA BE SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE.

PADDLING A GONDOLA ON A LAKE OF STEW, THEN WAKING UP ANGRY THAT MY DREAMS ARE ONLY DREAMS.

WE ARE WHAT WE PRETEND TO BE, SO PRETEND TO BE AWESOME.

NOBODY'S MAKING ANYONE DO CIVIL WAR REENACTMENTS.

OOC: Holy shit. Three full years of Lrrr. Unbelievable. When I started this as a lark, I had no idea this thing would swallow up so much of my life. Here's to doing this forever.

Ooc: I started this on my own personal Facebook page on this day, then got a lot of concerned comments from aunts and other well-wishers. Twitter was imploding, and so I followed @RikerGoogling over here. It took a month before beige.party recruited me, and the rest is history.

Ooc: I wish more people would commit to doing silly in-character accounts. It's awesome. I'm not an especially funny person in regular life. I don't even know that much about science fiction or even Futurama. I just do this and it brings me joy. You could do something just like this and the world would be richer for it.

YOU THINK ME LURKING IN A POND AND KILLING AND EATING JOGGERS IS BAD, BUT I PUT IT TO YOU: THE DOW IS OVER 50,000.

THERE IS NO HONOR WITHOUT ALT TEXT.

CUTTING PAPER TOWELS ROLLS DOWN TO TOILET PAPER ROLL SIZE. YKNOW, TO FEEL SOMETHING.

IF IT WAS A REICHSTAG FIRE THEY WANTED, THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE INVADED ONE OF THE MOST SOCIALLY COHESIVE PLACES IN AMERICA.

PHILLY WAS AN OPTION! ON DAY ONE, THOSE JAWNS WOULD HAVE CHOPPED AGENTS INTO STEAKUMS, DOUSED THEM IN WIZ, AND FED THEM TO GRITTY.

IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT I DISAPPEAR ICE FOR DISAPPEARING OTHERS. NOW, WHERE'S MY BIB?

IF ANYONE FROM WARNER BROS. ASKS, I'M DEFINITELY *NOT* WRITING AN UNAUTHORIZED FANFIC ABOUT @Alice AND THE HAMBURGER FROM BETTER OFF DEAD.

I'M SURE THE INSANE COKEHEAD FOREIGN POLICY WON'T PRODUCE ANY NEGATIVE SIDE EFFECTS.

IT'S ASININE EVEN ON ITS OWN TERMS:

1. THEY ASSUME THAT THE NEXT PERSON IN LINE TO RUN VENEZUELA WILL BE A PERFECTLY COMPLIANT PUPPET, AND THEY WON'T BE.

2. THERE IS ZERO CHANCE THE U.S. ACTUALLY CONTROLS THAT BIGASS COUNTRY. DOING SO WOULD REQUIRE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF SOLDIERS.

3. NOT ALL OIL IS CREATED EQUALLY. VENEZUELA DOESN'T HAVE THE INFRASTRUCTURE, THE OIL QUALITY IS RELATIVELY POOR, AND THE SHIT IS JUST NOT TRADING FOR ENOUGH. THE ECONOMICS WILL NOT PENCIL OUT NEARLY AS WELL AS THEY MAY SEEM TO.

4. THERE IS NO PLAN FOR WHAT TO DO WITH MADURO EXCEPT FOR, I GUESS, CHARGING HIM WITH OWNING A MACHINE GUN? IN ANOTHER COUNTRY?

WE GOTTA START THE WAR TO FIND OUT WHAT'S IN IT.