Notices by LRRR :bc: (lrrronearth@beige.party)

SHE'S COMING. MARIAH CAREY IS COMING. AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS:

ARGH FUCKING SHIT.

ALT TEXT: A GLASS FULL OF WATER INDICATES THAT SOMETHING *BIG* IS STOMPING CLOSER.

IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO PUT ON BODY ARMOR AND FIGHT A CANADA GOOSE.

AMERICANS SAY I'M ARBITRARY AND DANGEROUS AND THEN LET A FEW HUNDRED THOUSAND OF THE DUMBEST, LEAST INFORMED PEOPLE IN LIKE SEVEN STATES PICK THEIR RULER.

UNDECIDED VOTERS ARE THE LEAST INTERESTING, MOST COLOSSALLY SUBMORONIC HOUSEPLANT/WET ROCK/BATH MAT STUPID PEOPLE IN A COUNTRY THAT CHOSE TO HAVE TWO DAKOTAS. AND IF YOU DON'T IMPRESS THEM, YOU LOSE.

"HER PLAN INVOLVES AN INCENTIVE THAT MILTON FRIEDMAN WOULDN'T LIKE. HIS PLAN INVOLVES REENACTING THE TRAIL OF TEARS AND HAVING PRICES JUST BE LOWER FOR SOME REASON."

SO MUCH SOOTHSAYING, SO LITTLE SOOTHLISTENING.

A HUMPBACK WHALE WITH "THIS MACHINE KRILLS FASCISTS" TATTOOED ON ITS BELLY.

EVERY ANECDOTE REPUBLICANS USE TO TRY TO SMEAR TIM WALZ MAKES HIM SOUND LIKE A NICKELODEON SITCOM DAD.

I SHOULD TOTALLY OPTION A THREE-CAMERA FAMILY SITCOM SET IN THE NAVAL OBSERVATORY.

I FIGURE I CAN WRING A COUPLE POINTS ON GROSS OUT OF "OFF THE WALZ" FOR A SEASON OR TWO UNTIL THE SCHTICK GETS OLD.

I LOVE RAY GUNS. BUT DO I TAKE MY FAMILY WUV DAY PHOTOS WITH MY RAY GUNS? NO. WHY? BECAUSE MY PERSONALITY ISN'T CONTINGENT ON PASSING A BACKGROUND CHECK.

@nuclearidini I DON'T TRUST THE TELEPORTER PARTS I CAN GET ON EARTH. THE SOVIET MARKINGS DO NOT INSPIRE CONFIDENCE.

I AM FLYING TO BOSTON. A GUY JUST BOOED THE PRE-FLIGHT DEMONSTRATION. THIS IS GONNA BE OKAY.

IF YOU HAVE TO ASK HOW MUCH A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE COSTS, YOU CAN'T AFFORD ONE.

I HATE WEDDINGS. NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO GIVE A TOAST, NOBODY PAYS ENOUGH ATTENTION TO ME, AND THEY RARELY ACCOMMODATE MY DIETARY PREFERENCES.

I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN A SINGLE ROLE. LIKE, SURE, I'M AN INTERGALACTIC WARLORD WHO DESTROYS FOR FUN, BUT I ALSO WANT TO HOLD MY WIFE'S WEBBED HAND ON A MOONLIT WALK AND WEAVE FLOWERS INTO A CAPE FOR MY SON.

NOW THAT EVERYONE HAS HAD A NAP AND A SNACK, WE ARE ALL READY TO BE POLITE, CHARITABLE, AND CONSTRUCTIVE ON THE INTERNET.

I AM GOING TO PUT A VIRTUAL HUG OFFER ON THE TABLE FOR ANYONE WHOSE DAD DID NOT GIVE THEM THE LOVE AND SUPPORT THEY DESERVE. I AM VERY FATHERLY.

PEOPLE SAY "LRRR, DON'T BUILD YOUR GIANT LASER AND ENSLAVE HUMANITY." BUT I DON'T SEE ANYONE ELSE TAKING MATTERS INTO THEIR OWN HANDS!