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The more you struggle against pain, the harder it becomes. In my opinion, pain is all about learning and shaping our character. We have always been a stubborn people. We will always be a stubborn people. I don’t think God hates that. But He wants us to be obedient to Him. To be subservient to Him. To honor His authority. So when you make statements about what you will and won’t do in the future, I think you’re setting yourself up to be taught that God is in control of your life. Not you. I understand you don’t want to remarry. But God may change your mind. That doesn’t mean you love your wife any less.