The bit that i think is the stumbling block for most people is they see the next stage as binary. you either go burn in hell, or you go live in heaven. Because they are afraid they might not make it to heaven, they have developed an outlook by which you can choose to be there by believing in Jesus.

The reality is there are 3 outcomes, as you know and said. In the first you stop existing. In the second there is an a) and b), where you are either a) reward or b) punished.


But really it's as simple as this (and actually pretty much a parable Jesus said anyway). There is a forest of trees and you are the arborist. The trees don't get to tell you which ones are chopped down to be milled and which get to stand tall and be left alone. Only the arborist can make that decision. And such are the souls of humans (the trees) and God (the arborist).