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>it causes a DoS for servers that don’t honor it too, because it puts it into the retry back off queue
Not really, when a user from a remote Mastodon instance deletes their account, or in the worse case the instance admin touches the "nuke instance button". Mastodon just floods the whole network with Delete activities.
When a large instance, whose name I now forgot, got shutdown, I had around ~30 posts from them, and the instance sent 20+ r/s for 3 days with Delete activities for posts I didn't have made by users that didn't exist to my instance. Which caused the user to be automatically created and then immediately deactivated. The result was that my instance became barely usable until I just enabled a policy that rejects every incoming Delete request.