Conversation

Notices

1. Embed this notice
   Adam F. Lawton (adam_cadmon1@mastodon.online)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Nov-2023 05:06:47 JST Adam F. Lawton

   "Let me see if I can shift the focus of this discussion that doesn't include me to a topic that I prefer..."

   Do some of you approach interactions like that here, or...?

   • Embed this notice
     CEO of Anti-Clock Society (be@floss.social)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Nov-2023 05:06:38 JST CEO of Anti-Clock Society

     in reply to

     • Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark
     • Adrianna Tan
     • morachbeag

     @skinnylatte @morachbeag @Adam_Cadmon1 @grrrr_shark I've heard British people also like that "we're not really so racist, look at America (which we created)!" line

     Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: likes this.
   • Embed this notice
     morachbeag (morachbeag@aus.social)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Nov-2023 05:06:40 JST morachbeag

     in reply to

     • Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark
     • Adrianna Tan

     @Adam_Cadmon1 @skinnylatte @grrrr_shark Oo yeah. It's big time racist.

   • Embed this notice
     Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Nov-2023 05:06:40 JST Adrianna Tan

     in reply to

     • Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark
     • morachbeag

     @morachbeag @Adam_Cadmon1 @grrrr_shark first time i went, someone told me to stop eating dogs. last time i went, my friend's family told me that chinese people love free things (i mean, i do, but did you really have to say that?) each time i try to talk about it, well meaning white australians tell me that the country is not racist actually and that america is worse

   • Embed this notice
     Adam F. Lawton (adam_cadmon1@mastodon.online)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Nov-2023 05:06:41 JST Adam F. Lawton

     in reply to

     • Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark
     • Adrianna Tan

     @skinnylatte @grrrr_shark I've heard completely disparate remarks about the state of racism in Australia. Without exception though, White people tell me it isn't racist and POC tell me it's racist as shit.

   • Embed this notice
     Adam F. Lawton (adam_cadmon1@mastodon.online)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Nov-2023 05:06:42 JST Adam F. Lawton

     in reply to

     • Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark

     @grrrr_shark Oh, I can usually tell. When I start talking about white or European racism and its effects on the world, its a countdown until someone pops up with "but (x) culture is bad, it's not just Europe or white people." Every time.

   • Embed this notice
     Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Nov-2023 05:06:42 JST Adrianna Tan

     in reply to

     • Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark

     @Adam_Cadmon1 @grrrr_shark i hope you never visit australia, where most discussion of racism is 'we are equally racist to everyone' or 'asian people are actually more racist than white people' lol

   • Embed this notice
     Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark (grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Nov-2023 05:06:44 JST Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark

     in reply to

     @Adam_Cadmon1 yeah, I can't tell the difference either, but it's wild

   • Embed this notice
     Adam F. Lawton (adam_cadmon1@mastodon.online)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Nov-2023 05:06:45 JST Adam F. Lawton

     in reply to

     • Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark

     @grrrr_shark yeah, I'm liberal with the blocks, but it happens so often either its unconscious or very deliberate.

   • Embed this notice
     Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark (grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Nov-2023 05:06:46 JST Grrrr, Darth Moose Shark

     in reply to

     @Adam_Cadmon1 drives me INSANE when ppl do that. I generally just mute them.

   • Embed this notice
     Aaron (hosford42@techhub.social)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:27:21 JST Aaron

     in reply to

     • 🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵

     @pippa @Adam_Cadmon1 In retrospect, I probably should have read the rest of the conversation before I replied, and not just the couple of posts in the direct chain leading up to the one I replied to. That's probably a start.

   • Embed this notice
     Paul Cantrell (inthehands@hachyderm.io)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:27:21 JST Paul Cantrell

     in reply to

     • 🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵
     • Aaron

     @hosford42 @pippa @Adam_Cadmon1
     A thought in case it’s helpful:

     In my experience, autistic folks (less so other types of ND) wildly overestimate the extent to which NT people magically understand each other’s social behaviors, and the extent to which they don’t make the same mistakes. More often (again, in my observation), what helps most is not foreknowledge but a quick recovery: leaving room for and observing reaction, willingness to adjust course or drop a topic without perseverating. And…

   • Embed this notice
     🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵 (pippa@famichiki.jp)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:27:22 JST 🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵

     in reply to

     @Adam_Cadmon1 so it’s NOT just my observations! I wonder what it is about this venue in particular that makes people feel so comfortable doing that…

   • Embed this notice
     Aaron (hosford42@techhub.social)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:27:22 JST Aaron

     in reply to

     • 🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵

     @pippa @Adam_Cadmon1 It's possible it's the people and not the venue, I suppose. Some of it might just be cultural.

     I'm probably guilty of this pretty often. I know that it's a thing for neurodivergent folks like myself to make less common connections between things. In our mutual discussions, it's very normal to take an abrupt turn in the conversation, and no one blinks.

     I am only just now starting to realize that that bothers some people, rather than being a pleasant surprise. While I do care and want to do right by people who have different preferences, it can be difficult to know which side of that fence people sit in advance. It's also difficult to understand why it's upsetting, esp. when someone works differently from yourself. And then there's the difficulty in knowing what counts as the same topic vs a subject change, as people will often disagree about where that line falls.

     Do you have suggestions on how to track these things, for someone who is trying to do better?

   • Embed this notice
     🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵 (pippa@famichiki.jp)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:27:23 JST 🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵

     in reply to

     @Adam_Cadmon1 I agree, I see it happening a whole bunch around specific topics here 😬 Is it a MORE prevalent trend here than elsewhere, or is it your experience online as a whole?

   • Embed this notice
     Adam F. Lawton (adam_cadmon1@mastodon.online)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:27:23 JST Adam F. Lawton

     in reply to

     • 🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵

     @pippa definitely more prevalent here and I'm a 10 year Twitter vet. Without exception people will say they're "expanding" the topic of discussion on a general post or a post not directed to them. It's soooo strange.

   • Embed this notice
     Paul Cantrell (inthehands@hachyderm.io)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:29:45 JST Paul Cantrell

     in reply to

     • 🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵
     • Aaron

     @hosford42 @pippa @Adam_Cadmon1 …I’ve tried to get better when talking to autistic folks about simply stating my preferences in plain language, without anger, instead of using oblique hints: e.g. “Thanks, I’m not really interested in that topic” or “Right now I’m keeping this discussion i started focused on [topic].”

   • Embed this notice
     Aaron (hosford42@techhub.social)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:47:24 JST Aaron

     in reply to

     • 🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵
     • Paul Cantrell

     @inthehands @pippa @Adam_Cadmon1 The directness of those "hints" is *extremely* helpful to people like me. Thank you for explaining it so clearly. Like, I'm going to bookmark it because I might need it again.

   • Embed this notice
     Paul Cantrell (inthehands@hachyderm.io)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:47:24 JST Paul Cantrell

     in reply to

     • Aaron

     @hosford42
     I’m really happy that it was helpful. Please feel free to ask clarifying questions; I don’t mind!

     And please do know that all of us with all types of brains make social mistakes •all the time•. We are all muddling through being human together.

   • Embed this notice
     Paul Cantrell (inthehands@hachyderm.io)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:52:21 JST Paul Cantrell

     in reply to

     • voxpopsicle

     @voxpopsicle
     This is so true about wrongly assuming mutual understanding! And then sometimes we run off and get halfway through a software project based on that misunderstanding, only to find out we built the wrong thing.

   • Embed this notice
     voxpopsicle (voxpopsicle@mastodon.social)'s status on Friday, 24-Nov-2023 01:52:23 JST voxpopsicle

     in reply to

     • 🎃👻 Pip or Treat 🩵
     • Paul Cantrell
     • Aaron

     @inthehands @hosford42 @pippa @Adam_Cadmon1 i'll double down on that and suggest that neurotypicals often wildly misunderstand each other but *think* they understand and both leave the conversation with different views of what they're agreeing on.

     this works fine when they're both operating in a sea of shared context that holds them up but falls apart quickly when deep into the world of abstractions and theory.