Finally finished the hallway so moved my lovely boy to his right and proper place in the middle of it. He’s celebrating by having a bask so I’m gonna conclude that he’s happy 🥰

- 90% of emails do not need your immediate attention.
- 100% of tweets need no response at all.
- Kisses are usually better when you slow the fuck down.

Here's a new blog, or whatever: 40 things I've learned before I'm 40

https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/40-things-ive-learned-by-40/

My friend just told me of a genius idea: her friend & partner have a secret signal for when they have guests. If one of them makes themselves a hot drink in a specific mug, that means ‘I grow weary of company, please help guests out of the door.’

@thisismissem oh yeah you’re absolutely correct, and in it’s time it was groundbreaking. But... have you watched it now? It is so much less good than I remember it being. In a fun way.

We are watching The Matrix. And oh... fellow children of the 90s... I was shocked to realise ... it’s absolutely shit? Like, hilariously shit. What were we thinking?! Surely we were all just too drunk on fingering that we didn’t notice how bad it was?

It looks like a student art project #TheMatrix. It’s just so bad.

"Many men in the past have asked to photograph me naked, during sex. But those pictures are so dull by comparison – *this* is the hottest photo anyone’s ever taken of me."

NEW blog: a thousand words about a picture. https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/a-thousand-words-about-a-picture/

Huge thanks to @stuart_cb for recreating this photo based purely on my description, and capturing the perfect horny essence, like an artistic wizard.

"The best sex scenes mean something to the story, and the best stories are interwoven through their sex scenes."

Fabulous guest blog by LJ Amber - I agree with every single word. Sex doesn't exist outside the rest of human experience - we need it in our stories.

#Erotica #SexWriting #EroticWriting

https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/sex-in-stories/

Next stop: something that cannot ever fail to lift my mood, because it pleases my inner 12-year-old girl... PONIES! Lovely, dinky, chilled-out ponies.

You get to walk through the actual pony field so if you were feeling bold you could approach. I did not, because I got strong 'fuck off' vibes from the brown one. But I did manage to pap the right one while it was doing a poo. Achievement unlocked, I'm sure you'll agree.

After the ponies, we get to a section of the loop that's rather special. It's clearly a public footpath that crosses land belonging to somebody. That somebody has tables/chairs and other things in the field, and they keep it nicely maintained. This place belongs to someone.

And that someone (that HERO) decided to adorn the path with a tableau of two rabbits fucking in front of a window.

This is what it means to live. 10/10. No notes.

About this time last year I was teetering on the verge of a breakdown. And I'm not gonna lie: I took on this walk because I was having a serious wobble and it felt important to sack off work for a day to go spend time stomping through green stuff.

And brown stuff.

Lots and lots of mud. Significant portions of this walk were what I'd call 'dodgy but do-able', only attempt right now if you have decent waterproof boots.

Someone mentioned the other day that they followed me for the hiking, not the porn, and I remembered I used to really love posting walk reports. And I've done lots of hiking without telling you all which is very remiss of me.

So here goes with today's jaunt. Mute this thread if you were only here for the porn.

#LondonLoop sections 19 & 20. About 11 miles in total.

We begin in Chingford, with a sky as grey as my mood was when I started out.

This section had some lovely greenery but it was v short and little to write home about. My mood remained grey, which wasn't helped by ominous signs of rivers about to burst their banks, or the fucking M11.

However, I pressed on. Think-worthy tunes in my ears and kind words from friends to dwell upon, I smashed through the end of section 19 (a mere 4.4 miles) and fortified myself with a panini before the next.

There are plenty of rewards along section 19 of the Loop though, lots of lovely little semi-secret passageways that nip between people's houses. I bloody love a semi-secret passageway and always get disproportionately excited to find a waymarker pointing to the side of someone's garage or behind a shed.

We are also, obviously, still basically in London so you also get caged-in railway bridges covered in graffiti. Chingford graffiti quality = low.

Onwards to section 20, and we begin with a picture that SHOULD be nice but is actually a terrifying reminder of how close we are to the complete annihilation of our home planet: CROCUSES! In MID-FEBRUARY! How beautiful and uplifting/shockingly unseasonal.

Climate change is fucking us up extremely rapidly and those in power don't seem to understand the urgency with which they have to act. Still. Purple's my favourite colour so that's nice.

"The first time a gay man genuinely hit on me left me with such an intense euphoria"

Fabulous guest blog from this time last year by Emory Oakley about his journey as a #trans man.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/hit-on-validated-trans-identity/

If you’re not already following @ErosBlog, here’s your nudge to do so. He’s been sex blogging for longer than any other blogger I know and his site is an absolutely fascinating treasure trove of vintage filth.

RE: https://kinkyelephant.com/@ErosBlog/111920926295777338

Stuck in the fucking countryside until my coach at 4pm. AMA.

@CaptainNerdBeard love snakes (I have one, he is called Trouser), spiders can absolutely fuck off forever.

@CaptainNerdBeard haha no. And that’s actually just his pseudonym for anonymity purposes. Tried to add a pic but it won’t upload at the mo, I’ll post one later