Notices by Alice McFlurry :bc: (alice@beige.party), page 5

While we're on the subject of nerdy accessories, I also have a TV test pattern scarf.

Whenever a car speeds past me, I start singing really loudly because my dash cam footage may be needed if they get in an accident and I want the police to hear my siren song and submit my tape to The Voice.

Any pizza is a personal pizza if you're determined enough.

@the_etrain The rules of the English language seem like they're written by a six-year-old child who wants to win a game so they keep making up and changing rules as the game progresses.

There's been a recent influx in posts with a ridiculous amount of hashtags and it's very annoying.

They #make the #posts look #messy and #hard to #read while #simultaneously giving off #vibes that seem #desperate and #AttentionSeeking.

I know I can mute specific hashtags, but can I mute the hashtag symbol altogether to ensure I never have to see another hashtag ever again?

I get annoyed whenever I see "influencers" recording TikTok/Instagram reels in public and now I’m wondering how many times I've shown up in the background of their videos, standing there with my arms folded, rolling my eyes and visibly judging them.

What's my biggest weakness? Maybe my indecisiveness. Maybe not.

Who cares that Biden accidentally used the wrong names?

I use the wrong names all of the time and my husband doesn't even care because he's just happy to be having sex.

I know I've been writing a lot about politics lately and it's pretty out of character given how I’m usually only posting dumb jokes on Mastodon, but I am legitimately terrified for our future if we let Trump win, all because our side is so divided.

That being said, I know a lot of people don’t follow me for political opinions, so I’m going to start tagging all of those posts with #GrannySmith24.

Please feel free to mute the hashtag if this isn't something you want to see from me.

About ten years ago, a friend of mine got married at the Phoenix Zoo and it was actually pretty cool because the package included a couple of zookeepers bringing out some animals to pet.

At some point in the night, I noticed people starting to gather around a zookeeper who had set up a kiddie pool with a little armadillo waddling around in it.

As the zookeeper was talking, I sat down next to the kiddie pool and the armadillo came over and began climbing all over me and I was seriously living my best life with that little cuddler until I heard the zookeeper say:

“So, uhhhhhh, as I was saying, armadillos have been known to carry leprosy, so if you intend to touch the armadillo, please only use the tips of your fingers and ensure you use hand sanitizer after.”

The good news is that I don’t have leprosy yet; however, if I do get it, it will have been worth it.

"Preliminary polls show Biden can't beat Trump."

Sure, if everyone is splitting the vote by voting for someone who has even less of a chance of winning OR, even worse, not voting in general out of spite.

Biden wouldn't be my first choice; however, at this moment, Biden is the only legitimate chance we have at beating Trump so we need to come together if we want to have any chance of that happening.

#GrannySmith24

Many people don’t like talking about politics, so let’s talk about apples instead.

In November, Americans are going to be making a very important decision about the best apple to represent our country.

There are many different types of apples in the running, such as Gala, and Fuji, and Granny Smith apples.

Honeycrisp is my favorite type of apple; however, we don’t have one of those in the running this year, so we need to vote for the most reasonable and responsible option from the basket.

Gala and Fuji are pretty good, but they’re newer and a lot of people have never tried them and they’re afraid of what they don’t know, so those people simply won’t vote for them due to lack of familiarity. This means that those types of apples will never get a majority of the vote to win, at least not this year.

This brings me to the Granny Smith. Sure, it’s old and average, but it’s FINE. It's already serving a term as “best” apple” and it's not doing a GREAT job, but it has proven itself to be a BETTER option than the rotten apple that preceded it.

To make matters worse, that rotten apple is back and there are a LOT of rotten people who LOVE rotten apples, so there’s a legitimate chance that the rotten apple may get a majority of the votes and actually win.

With that, I am making a desperate plea to my fellow Fuji and Gala fans. I get it. Ive all think our apples are better than a Granny Smith, but our apples can’t win, so any vote for one of those is one fewer vote for the Granny Smith, which splits the non-rotten vote and essentially makes those votes count as a vote FOR the rotten apple.

I know it feels like settling, but I genuinely hope we can recognize what needs to be done and come together to vote for Granny Smith in November because our future depends on it.

My email keeps bouncing back and I’m pretty sure my computer has been possessed by a daemon.

As I was getting ready this morning, I learned that the French word for grooming is "toilettage" and now I'm wondering if they even have sinks in France.

@lookitmychicken He gave a big hearty laugh so I think he was okay with it, but I still feel like a weirdo.

When my husband and I were several houses away, he was like "Do you know that man?" and I was just like "Nope! I have NO idea why I said that to him."

There is an older man who lives in my neighborhood (think big jolly lovable grandpa).

My husband and I were walking home from getting coffee and we were walking along the sidewalk in the direction of his house and he was outside and standing on the sidewalk and he moved out of the way for us, but the walk is uphill so our approach was kind of slow and the entire time I was panicking because I was like "OMG I'm just staring at him for a REALLY long time" and when I finally came to pass I said "HI OVERALL TWIN!" (because we were both wearing overalls and I am a very awkward person) so I guess I can never walk down that street again.

If the devil ever finds a way to monetize, there's going to be hell to pay.

I get really annoyed whenever dying smoke detectors start beeping and don't have the patience to change the batteries on my own, but I still understand the importance of functioning alarms so I'm incredibly grateful that I have a supportive partner who is willing to move us to a new home whenever that happens.

I don’t know why everyone is so obsessed with the carpet matching the drapes when everyone knows wood floors are easier to clean and they go with everything.

Throwback from yesterday when I had a special moment hanging out by grandma's grave.