Notices by Alice McFlurry :bc: (alice@beige.party), page 4

NSFW anthropomorphic hotdog

@alisynthesis
@amiserabilist, I know you have a very special set of skills. Would this be included within?

My buddy Will is constantly getting hurt in the dumbest ways imaginable and now I finally understand why every product has a stupid warning message because where there's a Will, there's a way.

It's a sketch about how somebody gets bit by a venomous snake and requests "antivenom" and the doctor won’t give it to them because they pretend they have no idea what they're asking for because they insist the word is "antivenin" and the judge rules in the doctor's favor because they're equally as pedantic.

It's interesting how anti-vax and anti-facts sound so similar.

This is your reminder that new COVID boosters are rolling out. I already booked my appointment for next week!

I came up with a really funny calendar joke. I’m going to be telling it for months.

JD Vance is what happens when a bad person tries to act like a good person, but they're also a bad actor.

Me: Always wearing shortsleeved shirts because I don't like the way it feels when longer sleeves touch my arms.

Also me: Always complaining about being cold.

I’m probably going to get reported on Nextdoor if I don't stop taking selfies with my neighbor's Cybertruck, but that's what they get for buying a stupid ugly truck that's too big for their garage so they need to park it on the street which happens to be right in my selfie path.

There should be a mnemonic device to help people remember how to spell mnemonic.

This is your semi-regular reminder that my friend Asher Perlman is hilarious and you can buy his book wherever books are sold.

Mastodon Starter Pack for #FollowFriday

I feel like I could list about 100 people here, but this is a STARTER PACK so I’m listing two of my absolute favorites.

@RickiTarr
Just a funny, genuine, and insightful person who asks thoughtful questions that bring the people of mastodon together.

@lisamelton
Lisa has done the hard work for all of us by reading through a ridiculous amount of posts and boosting the best ones. She's the real MVP of Mastodon.

People always tell me I look like Velma from Scooby Doo so I entered a lookalike contest and I would have won if it weren't for those medaling kids.

I’m thinking about writing an entire standup set around dad jokes that require you to SEE the spelling of the word to get the joke, mainly so I can over-explain each joke on a white board and use it as an opportunity to teach people about homophones.

Ooh. Instead of a white board, I think I want to lug an overhead projector on stage because I always wanted to write on those super cool clear plastic sheets.

It's not fair to make fun of Midwesterners for combining syllables by saying things like "meers" for mirrors and "crans" for crayons because they need to compensate for all of the dragged out vowels on other words like raaaaaaaaanch and potaaaaaaaduhs.

ACAB includes everyone on the Nextdoor app.

If Meta/facebook/threads has taught me anything, it's that the customer is always wrong.

I just found my old periodic table shoes after being missing for about ten years and the disappointed look on my husband's face implies he's the one who hid them.