Notices by Alice McFlurry :bc: (alice@beige.party), page 3

Just learned a little bit about international taxes and it appears as if Luxembourg is the Delaware of Europe.

Mastodon has been a lot more manageable ever since someone told me I don't need to read EVERY post.

My husband comes from a family of people who don’t like tomatoes which is great for a person of my particular variety who is not too proud to eat everyone else's discarded tomatoes.

I don’t have a criminal record because that stuff happened in the '90s so it's actually a criminal compact disc.

I worked for a cable company in the early 2000s and I hated that you had to pay for a bundle of 300+ nonsense channels just to get the ten channels you actually wanted to watch so I always wanted an a la carte option to buy only the desired channels, but what I did NOT ask for was needing to subscribe to ten different subscription services ranging from $5 to $30 a month in order to get those same ten channels.

When you see a work notification pop up with a preview of the message and you are SO annoyed and simultaneously bitter that you refuse to open it until exactly 8am because YOUR time is YOUR time so you just obsess over it for that ten minute window instead.

My food pyramid is nothing but ice cream cake.

@DrVeronikaCH @GreenSkyOverMe @bonkers That's Pixel. He was a great cat!

@DrVeronikaCH @GreenSkyOverMe @bonkers Oh my gosh! I love this!!

@DrVeronikaCH I don’t have a Nokia 3310, but my husband does!

People always talk about how you shouldn't wear Apple Watches in photos because it's going to make the photos look dated, so that's why I always wear my broken Casio calculator watch because that thing is timeless.

Were kids this annoying when we were kids?

I found a tutorial on repurposing shirts as throw pillows, so I hope my family members like the black metal decorative pillows that they'll all be receiving for Christmas.

The black metal pillows should go nicely with my little fireplace mantle light-up Norwegian Christmas village with the burning church.

Please don’t take this the wrong way because that's a rectal thermometer.

One of my favorite bands is called slint and I have this t-shirt that's kind of vague because it's just a photo of the band without any text and it kind of looks like I just got a photo of my brothers printed on a shirt at a mall kiosk.

They're from a long time ago and never got that big so nobody ever knows what it is, but I was just in a bar and the bartender said "I like your shirt! Rad band!" and I said "Thanks, I got it from Target!"

I don’t know why I lied, but it was absolutely worth it for the thirty seconds of terror in his face before I said "I’m just kidding, I just thought it would be funny to ruin your day by implying slint shirts were being sold at Target."

On the bright side, he laughed and I think we're now friends so all is well, but I seriously have no idea why I say the things I say.

Does your SAT score belong before or after your job title on your LinkedIn profile?

I’m working on a video where I’m in a club and I drop REAL low and then drag myself around the dance floor like a pug dragging its butt on your favorite rug and then the club lights go out and a black light comes on and you can finally see the secret drawing that I drew with my “snail trail” so check out my OnlyFans for some test shots.

Pretty sure MBA stands for Money Buys Accreditation.

I’m off work today so this is a great opportunity for everyone to post their NSFW anthropomorphic hotdog images.