Notices by Staff Chief of Joints (the_etrain@beige.party)

Domesticated cats be like fuck you I'm wild as hell on this throw pillow in the sun!

Lovecraftian does not mean "like Love Boat but on a hovercraft". I was way off.

Shhhhh. The peonies are blooming.

Mumbling Under My Breath Against the Machine

@adhdeanasl
Disapproving Look Against the Machine

I thought eating a gummy before working in the garden was a good idea, but I just spent 15 minutes staring at the water pattern coming out of a sprinkler and now I forget why I'm in the shed.

The key to success is being completely confident in what you're doing at all times, combined with a healthy realization that you have no idea what you're doing whatsoever.

A leek flower

Still got that new pope smell.

Instead of white smoke, they should shoot the new pope out of a cannon.

@Nickiquote
Pope Dong II

Mastonauts! Assemble!

Not now sweetie. Daddy's giving out dopamine on the internet.

Yes, but, can the 4th?

All your clematis are belong to us.

Black smoke - no new pope

Red smoke - send more pizza

Brown smoke - we clogged the shitter again

Hear me out. It's like the Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest. But, it's Cadbury Creme Eggs and instead of eating them....well, you get the idea.

Gonna have to change the band name to Huey Lewis & The Holy Shit What The Fuck.

Remember when they called TV "the boob tube" because it was for idiots? I'm calling the internet "the rube tubes" because its main use is fooling morons.

I ran the numbers, and according to my calculations, people have lost their goddamn minds.