Notices by Staff Chief of Joints (the_etrain@beige.party)

I don't even know what fucking Gemini is! I don't want to know! I can't fit anymore fucking "tech" into my life! Go the fuck away!

I just got a notification from Google saying Welcome to Gemini! and I swear I'm this fucking close to joining the nearest Amish sect.

Children are are plot by Big Mid-life Crisis to sell more liquor and Corvettes.

Forgot I was listening to nature sounds and was like, fuck there's a cricket in my office. Don't do drugs, kids.

I worship artificial sweeteners. I've been told this is saccharilegious.

They never show Superman taking a dump. It's gotta be wild.

You don't have to be on drugs to read my posts, but it helps.

Wait, this thing's hooked up to the internet? The thing with all the tubes? Fuck man, nobody told me that.

Here's the uncropped pic I took today. If you squint just right, the blob of cloud on the right looks a fist flipping the bird. I like to imagine this is Ozzy up in heaven saying "Fuck you! I got in!"

Sorry I'm late. Got caught with Gritty on the kiss cam at a GWAR show.

Hobbies include blowing up your guest bathroom.

Mt. Everest Bass Camp

That's a sexy tomato.

Whenever I'm feeling angry and overwhelmed, I take a deep breath, count to 10, and smash an acoustic guitar.

I Slept on My Shoulder the Wrong Way: A Memoir

I am not the internet's main character. Yet.

Let's be stupid. Together. As one.

Street corn is like regular corn but it's got a checkered past.

I'm so tired of being around square people. It's inexhaustibly boring. Thank god for you bunch of weirdos.

@ShredderFeeder
Every one is either clutching pearls or got their panties in a bunch. Meanwhile I'm like, yo, GWAR is coming around. You wanna go get doused in piss?