Notices by Staff Chief of Joints (the_etrain@beige.party), page 2

*taps phone screen* You can fit so much bullshit in here!

My 5 things email response would be like:

1. Worked 90 hours
2. Bought a Cybertruck
3. Saved the government $50 billion
4. Fired all my subordinates
5. Posted about how cool Elon is, but on my own time
6. Added a sixth thing to this email because I go above and beyond

Let's get hopped-up on goofballs.

I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It'd be so damn literal.

-Mitch Hedberg

The easiest way to collect stamps is to not mail shit.

-Mitch Hedberg

In Venice, if you're not book smart, but you do know what's going on, you are canal smart.

-Mitch Hedberg

A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.

-Mitch Hedberg

I gotta door deal here. I'm working for 50% of the door, and then tomorrow I'm working for 50% of the door, and then on Sunday, I'm gonna have a door.

-Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg would be 57 years old today. Happy birthday, Mitch. I hate that you're dead.

@talia_christine
You can. It's not bad for a blended whisky.

@talia_christine
Is whisky a joke to you?! 🤯🤣🤣🤣

So it begins...

Hyacinths are waking up

If I were a professional baseball player, I'd have a clause in my contract that every time I execute a successful bunt, I'm rewarded with a bundt cake upon return to the dug out.

Ibuprofen, but for inflammatory rhetoric.

You know which links don't come with the risk of malware? Sausage.

Not even 10am, and I'm already like, fuck this shit.

I pretend the Fediverse is a Tamagotchi and I feed and care for it with my stupidest thoughts.

Come on over! We'll have a beige ol' time!

If you unfollow me, 2 more perverts will take your place.