Notices by BARRY KAHN (bkahn@mstdn.science)

Fake News

Following the third category 7 hurricane to strike Florida in five weeks with storm surges in some areas topping 50 ft, the federal government has, so far, refused to declare Florida a disaster area.

"There's nothing there," declared FEMA Director Sinikil Fera Reezon. "We've criss-crossed the state from north to south and east to west. Even the debris was swept out to sea. Florida is now a salty mud flat. There are no survivors. Florida is gone."

Fake Debate Quote

trump: gobble bobble gobble spit gobble fart glub Obama gobble China rich fake news gobble gobble damn telly belly prompter gobble gobble.

Biden: Mr. Trump, I'm not sure all the viewers followed that. If you'd like to repeat it, I'll be happy to cede you some time.

I read about some portal thing that allows people in NY(?) and Dublin to see and communicate with each other. Sounds like time travel can't be far behind. I think one-way, modern NY to 15th century Dublin would work.

"Just step this way, Mr. trump, right through this round doorway. Your fans are waiting!"

I'm not talented enough to do any of trump's crimes, but if I pulled one of them off, I'd already be serving 200 years in a lockup somewhere. Equal justice for all but rich grifters get a lot more equalizing and a lot less 'justice' than regular folks.

There are a million reasons why I want trump to lose the election by an immense margin, but one of them is so he can spend more years in courtrooms silenced and listening to testimony. It's not the punishment he deserves but it's a good warmup.

Fake News

Judge Cannon: "I've got a lot on my docket so we'll deal with this documents case posthumously."

Reporter: "You mean after Trump's death?"

JC: "Actually I was thinking after the death of the republic."

@AnarchoNinaWrites

No matter how dumb some people appear to be on the pipes of the interweb, they're actually even dumber. I knew a kid in kindergarten who told me he was going to dig a hole to China. He had a kid's shovel and started work in his backyard. No matter how far down he went (not very far) there was still more dirt at the bottom of the hole. Every time you think you've found the bottom level of dumbness, there's another layer below it. It'd be funny if it weren't so tragic.😩

@GreenFire

I forgot about the Covid incident. He's always more horrible than anyone can imagine. Yeeech.

Theories:

God is pissed off at the delay's in trump's trials, so She stamped her foot and shook NJ.

As above, but She meant to stomp on Florida and missed. (In which case Judge Cannon better get her honorable ass in gear before her honorable courthouse collapses around her honorable ears.)

It was just an earthquake and it's good to be reminded that Mother Earth is billions of years old and in the sweep and span of cosmic history, we aren't special. Obnoxious? Yes. But not special.

My programmer son has been digging and turned up a paper authored by my dad who was a programmer before computer science was a thing, starting back in the late '50s. Not quite as far back as the Hittites and clay tablets, but in computer terms close enough.

Listening recently to free lectures from Audible. The speaker was talking about the century or so preceding Charlemagne. Graft, corruption, deceit, back-stabbing (literal and figurative)--and it was clear as crystal that Trump is a direct descendent of that legacy. He, his family, and his cronies were stamped out of an ancient mold that has not altered in 1500 years.

I don't call that progress. But I could be wrong so please can we ship him back to verify? One way ticket, of course.

Just imagining...

Putin is sitting at the President's desk in the oval office. Trump stands nearby. He looks confused and wimpy, as if he doesn't understand why Putin is sitting at the desk.

"Finally," says Putin. He looks at a guard and points at Trump with his chin. "Take him away. The fat fool is longer useful."

As two guards grab Trump, he begins to squeal protests. "You can't do this! My followers..."

Putin interrupts. "No, fool. My followers. MY followers. You are stupid garbage."

I like the words peddle and peddler. I like tinker too. If I could peddle conspiracy theories to MAGA crazies, I would be tempted. But I'm not crazy enough and I'd start laughing at myself in the middle of my grift. Oh well. 😆

Hmmm. Let's play musical chairs with the planet. I (my company, my consumption, my private jet, my yacht, etc) help accelerate impending disaster. But who cares? I (my family, friends, rich buddies,etc.) can enjoy the good life for a while longer (a year, 10 years, 50 years) and after that, frankly, we don't give a shit.

Our kids and grandkids? When you're as selfish as we are, they just don't count that much.

Does too much $ reduce blood flow to the brain maybe? Sure seems like it.

Fake News

Florida Surgeon General Calls for Removal of Stop Signs, Traffic Lights, Vehicle Inspections, and Brakes.

"Government over-regulation is killing Floridians," he explained. "People here are smart and they can take care of themselves without government interference."

When asked about the state government regulating abortions, he replied, "That's different. It's like the Civil War: everybody knows it was about slavery. It's the government's job to control women."

I took a break from listening to Turkish and have a big smile on my face. If Laura Loomer promises never to vote again if Trump is off the ballot AND she promises to dissuade millions of other Republicans from voting, well, hot dang, girl! I will send you a free bona fide signed photo of OllieTheDog with his tongue hanging out and give you permission to share it with your millions and millions of followers. You will deserve a big fat reward and what better than an Ollie pinup photo? 😀 😇 😂

Damn, there's goes Rudy's alcohol budget. And he's not even out of the woods yet. This is just his punishment for lying his ass off about two innocent election workers. Next time I advise one of the grandkids to "think before you speak," I can hold this up as a prime example.

The toys you should never gift to children, according to ER doctors

https://wapo.st/47WJbgg - #giftarticle

All I can say is it's challenging to be satirical when Eric Trump's real testimony is somewhere out in the asteroid belt. That's pronounced ASS ter oid, by the way.

No wonder the old man didn't come to court today. I'd be ashamed too.

Fake News

TRUMP JAILED BUT WHERE?

The ex-President was jailed indefinitely for witness intimidation. A rogue secret service agent, before flying to Brazil, told our reporter: "We are so done with that dope. All I can tell you is that he's locked up tighter than a pickle in a jar and no longer needs our protection. What a relief! I'm outta here."

People reported seeing Trump in Istanbul, Jo'burg, Kingston, Lima, Moscow, Naples, & Ottawa. Michael Cohen said "Look under the bus." Biden smiled.

Conversation with my grandson (4) yesterday.

Me: Are you dependent or independent?

Him (no hesitation): Dependent.

Me: Who are you dependent on?

Him: Myself.

-------------------------

Compared to his two older sisters, he is by far the most independent. One of his first long sentences was "I can do it
myself." ❤️