Notices by BeAware :fediverse: (beaware@mementomori.social)

@roknrol thank you, friend. I'm trying really hard but I'm failing.😔

Hi everyone.

I know I don't really post much here anymore, but this is gonna be a pretty long, pretty depressing update on my life.

For the past year and a half, I've been on Threads, mostly discussing pro wrestling because it's been a lifelong passion of mine and there's not much discussion about it here.

Well, back in April 2025, my dad got sick really bad with A-Fib and was bedridden. He's a big guy so it took me, my mom, and my sister to take care of him. Throughout 2025, I continued being the main one to be taking care of him while my mom and sister work, because as a lot of you know, I'm disabled.

At the beginning of 2026, I thought things were looking up because he had just had surgery to try to alleviate the A-Fib and more personally, I had started "flirting" with this woman that had been a mutual for several months on Threads.

I really took a liking to this woman because I had been attracted to her from her pics she'd post on Threads even before we started flirting. In my opinion, we had a TON in common in a way that I hadn't had in 10+ years and it got to the point where we'd seen each other's entire bodies and such.

Well...at the end of February, my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack and my entire facade of any sort of mental health went out the window.

It was a LOT to deal with. Not only with the mental weight of losing my dad who's the only continuous person in my life that's been supporting me and being there for me and having to cremate him, but I also had the full burden of being the only legal right to all of his assets.

I had to deal with 3 vehicles, a house, and a bank account. I got VERY QUICKLY mentally overwhelmed and started drinking to cope.

Then, after the first week of March, right when I'm dealing with all this, the woman decides she doesn't want to flirt anymore and just wants to be friends. As someone that literally has nobody to talk to almost 90% of the time, and her filling a great portion of that beforehand, it shattered me completely. Especially because of how much I liked her beforehand, I felt like I had won the lottery and then blew the millions before I put it in my bank account. We weren't even in a relationship or anything. I just REALLY REALLY wanted to be and could see myself absolutely super happy with her.

Ever since then, I've dealt with all of the assets and gotten everything in order and in my name for the most part.

Now, I'm dealing with the fact that I have 1 friend that barely talks to me, and no goals or ambitions. I've had exactly one hug in 5 years and it was from my nephew while my dad was being worked on by EMTs.

I am EXTREMELY lonely, manic depressive with PTSD, and extremely ADHD with strong RSD.

I've been mentally in shambles. I've been drinking more than I'd like to admit but it makes the pain numb for awhile and I try not to bother anyone while I'm drunk. I also have been heavily smoking weed, but I've always smoked weed, it's just increased tenfold. I smoked 2 ounces this month and it'd normally take 2-3 months to smoke that much.

I spent a bunch of my inheritance on wrestling show tickets and I'm taking my nephew because I feel like I HAVE to get out of this house. Being in this house alone with nobody to wrap my arms around and hold is literally destroying me mentally.

Our first trip starts on Thursday and my mental is getting so bad that I'm worried I'm gonna lose my mind before then.

Nobody really talks to me and when they do, one of us usually quickly runs out of things to say.

Anyway, I'm sorry if I worry anyone with this post. That's not the point. I just figured i owed some people an update because I have a lot of you here that had supported me for a long time.

I'll be fine I'm sure. Eventually. I'm not right now, but hopefully I will be eventually.

Take care,
Your friend,
BeAware

#Depression #MentalHealth #PTSD #Death #Loss #ADHD #Life #Alcohol #Drugs

@Sibshops @beaware.social nah, it's like fair game to do or say weird stuff to. He replied to a pro wrestler talking about gooning to her and other weird shit, so this is an extension of that.🤢

@ppb1701 @beaware.social he was! Now he's a trainer/manager for AEW.😅

@ppb1701 @beaware.social 🤣 That's actually Christopher Daniels!🤌

@beaware.social Tags for the above post👆 #ProWrestling #ProfessionalWrestling #WWE #JJSBX #IndieWrestling

So...I haven't posted here for a bit so I figured I'd update on what's been going on in my personal life if anyone cares.

I've been taking care of my bedridden dad for the past year and I lost him at the end of February.

Then, I was talking to a woman that I REALLY liked and she decided she just wanted to be friends around the same time.

It's been a few weeks since that happened and I was taking both things really rough and tried to keep her as a friend.

However, she started posting about a new guy she was crushing on IRL and gushing over him yesterday and I crashed out.

I started drinking then ended up unfollowing her and forcing her to unfollow me.

Long story short, we got into a huge argument and we're not friends anymore.

I've just been feeling super worthless lately and have been drinking quite a bit. I just finished a 40 oz as I write this rambling post.

I appreciate everyone who's ever talked to me here. Sorry I've been absent. I've been enjoying Threads as it has lots more pro wrestling discussion.

Also, for those who followed my Threads account, I deactivated it last month when all this was going down and I can't reactivate Fediverse Sharing for a few more days.

Well...after being sober for 3.5 years, I now haven't been sober for 4 days. I just don't see a reason to be sober.

Even my only IRL friend flaked on me yesterday and I haven't heard from him since. I feel so worthless, lost, and unloveable.

I'm having a bad time.😔

I'm so fucking tired.

My dad passed away last week and I am the sole beneficiary. I have so much to deal with and so much on my plate that I don't have even have time to grieve.

On top of that, for the past month or so I've been "flirting" with a woman that I fell pretty hard for, and she stopped responding so much in the past few days.

I have nobody. My 1 IRL friend makes plans and doesn't follow through. Nobody texts me.

I'm drunk as hell for the first time in 3.5 years and I'm spiraling pretty fucking hard. I can't deal with myself.😔

They say "nobody is coming to save you. You need to save yourself".

Yet I don't want to save myself anymore.

I'm at the point where if nobody comes to save me, then I know nobody wants me around anyway and I don't want to be around.😔

Broke my sobriety today.

3.5 years. Nobody cares but me and I don't really care, so....🤷♂️

Fuck it. What's the point.

@Sibshops @beaware.social yeah, unfortunately I get too much hate here for my AI stuff anytime I post it. It's exhausting. At least on Threads I can turn off comments or such.

It has worked out very well for me thus far! It's the most left-leaning corporate social media there is. Plus, I've met someone and I'm falling pretty hard for her. So I feel like it's worked out better than I could have hoped for.🫣😅

Hope you're doing well friend.

I've had different hobbies lately than when I was on here and just talking about Fedi, games, and AI.

I enjoy professional wrestling a LOT and there's just not enough discussion to be had surrounding that here. That's the main reason I started posting there.🤷♂️

@ppb1701 yeah I'm trying. Stupid situationship issues with this woman and having to deal with my dad just been getting to my head.

So I decided to start walking like I was before COVID and try to get my weight down again. If I stay busy, I keep my mind off things.

@ppb1701 @beaware.social dang. I definitely feel that. I've been pretty busy lately myself. Last night was definitely a good show to watch.

Fans started a FUCK ICE chant on national TV and it's gone pretty viral on Threads.😂

@ppb1701 @beaware.social if you don't have the legal means to do so with money or otherwise, I recommend https://1max.top in a browser with a good adblocker.👀

It has all the popular wrestling shows and they all air live and are saved for awhile after as well.

@ppb1701 @beaware.social ah okay. Yeah you said house show and I skipped right over that.

If you remembered certain details and wanted to know for sure if you'd seen AJ or not, you might be able to find the event on cagematch.net but I doubt it's worth the effort.😂

That's just how I find out info from most past events.

@ppb1701 @beaware.social most of TNAs shows before like 2014 was at universal studios. It was the impact zone for TNAs best years. So Disney seems about right.

@ppb1701 @beaware.social I hope AJ goes to TNA cause I have front row tickets to two TNA shows in March. I haven't seen AJ live since 2016 at WM 32. It'd be nice to see him one last time.

@ppb1701 @beaware.social yeah...I can deal with some of the silly stuff as long as it doesn't effect the outcome of the match or isn't like "well, here's a ladder match, they're gonna do this, this, and this". Which is all it's been recently. Formulaic as hell. I could take Triple H's spot and book exactly like him and nobody would know the difference. That's bad.

I called every single Rumble winner 5 days ahead of time.👇 Its just ridiculous.

@ppb1701 @beaware.social fucking BINGO.

Just do something else!😩

Maybe after WrestleMania they'll come up with something interesting. For now, I got plenty of other shit to watch.🤷♂️

@ppb1701 @beaware.social nah, he's fighting Punk.

Cody vs Drew vs Jacob Fatu is currently the plan for the other main event.

Things could change, but given the results of the show, I don't think they have yet.🤷♂️