Notices by Kit Bashir (unixbigot@aus.social)

Cheaper for two. Wait is that two sets or two individual boob wigwams? #StraightOuttaShenzen

Random thought: making jewelry from coins is a huge trend right now on the social video slop sites. I was told as a kid that making coin jewelry was illegal, a crime called “defacing the currency of the queens crown”. Is/was this ever a crimething in Australia or in your country, #AskFedi?

Number of woman years lost trying to remember that the name of AWS’ DNS module is “Route 53” ++

“It’s bullshit. Those things don’t work”

“It’s the future, Afterlife Intelligence is going to revolutionize coding. You need to get an ouija board or you’ll be left behind!”

“Even if it did work the concept that a dead spirit can help with coding is daft. Would you ask your ninety year old grandpa for coding help?”

“That’s not how it works. At Microschlock they stack-ranked their coders, fired the bottom half, murdered the top quintile and captured the spirits as AI agents. Reduced payroll cost by eighty percent!”

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

“I understand the disposable coveralls and the showers, but why does the decontam mist smell like fly spray?”

“It is fly spray.”

“What, why? Is pyrethrum some kind of herbal radiation antidote? Is this woo? It sounds like woo.”

“No it’s all because of Jason. He was smuggling arthropods to work and putting them through the gamma ray irradiator. Thats why he got fired.”

“Why would he do that? “

“Big black market for radioactive critter bites. Where do you think all those supervillains came from last spring?”

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

“You know, it’ll work better when it’s plugged in?”

“Huh?”

“You got a bad connection on the positive wire, there”

“Nah—wait, yeah. Shit, how did you know?”

“Ghost multimeter”

“Yawhatnow?”

“I was in this doco bar last week…”

“A which bar? You do know words mean things?”

“No witch bars near here; this was a documentary bar. You know what a sports bar is?”

“Well, you wouldn’t find me in one but yeah”

“Doc bar shows science documentaries”

“Fuck off”

“Trust me, you’ll love it. Anyway there was this film of declassified 1950s nuclear tests. I always wondered how they got the data from all those instruments after the explosion”

“And?”

“Ghost oscilloscopes. Instrumentation on the astral plane with the probes made of consecrated silver, existing in both realms”

“Bullshit, Anyway your multimeter?”

“I Shifted one of mine, this ring is the probe. Lets me feel voltages within a meter or so”

“This rig can wait. You’re making me one, now”

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Is there an internet myth more easily debunked than “baby carrots are full sized carrots waste fully shaved down?”. Just fucking use your eyes.

ETA: *touches ear* wait, I’m being told The America is truly that fucked up.

“It’s a black hole! They very famously do not leak information!”

“It doesn’t matter”

“But, this expedition was fully sanctioned by the university in advance”

“Our policy is clear, this institution can only reimburse travel expenses on presentation of an original receipt.”

“Ugh, I wish I’d stayed in the mirror universe.”

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

“YEEEOOWWWWWW!!!”

“Ma’am?”

“The counter *bit* me. Must be static from your carpet, or you have a ground fault”

“Ah, our apologies. We are acting on credible reports that there is a precog operating in the casino. You have tripped—and passed—one of our precognition defenses. Please accept this one hundred credit chip and our assurance that our protocols keep this establishment honest and free of cheats”

Of course, I knew all that. I can only see ninety seconds into the future, 105 wind assisted, but that’s enough to know the zap was coming and to carefully *not* avoid it. Still stings but. Gonna sting your “honest” house in return, bitches.

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

STOP PRE-SLICING BREAD. 98 years of saying it’s the best thing ever and no real use found for making your bread go stale faster.

Wanted a thin slice for sandwiches and a slightly thicker one for toast? we had a trick for that, it was called LEARNING HOW TO USE A FUCKING BREAD KNIFE.

The north slope of Olympus Mons is littered with the chassis of adventurers who attempt the challenge of scaling the peak without recharging. You might think, "download into a new chassis, try again next year" but the Martian Thessalian League rules are clear, no recovery, one attempt per UUID and all deaths are permanent. Restricting thusly the pool of candidates to only suicidal fools has not had an appreciable effect on the popularity of the climb.

The south ridge route with its regularly spaced charging stations is of course by far more popular, but welding a North Face Medal to one's chassis is the ultimate cachet. For some daft reason. Look I'm done here, this is my last column for Solar Mountaineer Quarterly; sanity out!

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Remember your resistor colour codes with this one weird trick

Today, Stardate 42378.3 is Galactic Dilithium Containment Safety Day.

Also (Inter?) Sector Transporter Operator Appreciation day.

And it’s happy 378th birthday to beloved broadcaster Sir David Attenborough.

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

@evan

Gvzr geniry ehvaf rirelguvat

Breaking: Leading Psychics call for the immediate removal of President Kennedy.

“He’s dead.” says a professional parapsychology practitioner who wishes to be known only as Madame X for this article. “There’s no aura, nothing. A class three reanimatory phantasm is driving the corpse”. Beltway insiders have been expressing concerns to this reporter and others for months about the increasingly erratic behavior of RFK Jr. Last month he disappeared from sight for three days and re-emerged apparently much calmer. Now rumors are emerging that the commander in chief is in fact an ambulatory meat puppet, controlled by a sect of west wing necromancers. Further leaks have

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

@evan @rdm Thanks, Evan. So pleasantly surprised to encounter another not-evil bot fab. Perhaps some human guidance to dissuade it from creating bot instances for one-off hashtags? I add a unique hashtag to my microfiction toots of the form Title_More_Words_Here and my OP was prompted by noticing that the bot factory had pushed out a bot that will never see another toot with that tag. <3

@evan I get it now, i didn’t realize following a tag only gets one the toots that would already have visited your node. Can’t edit the poll post to add a resolution but have boosted a bunch of positive replies. <3

The key thesis of the book “The Blind Watchmaker” is that *of course* evolution seems impossible, because humans just cannot comprehend the staggering amount of time it requires to operate. The fact that it took over four billion years to bootstrap intelligent life from dirt shows how incredibly difficult and unlikely it was.

This is a toot about Richard Dawkins concluding that the planet-destroying compute consumption of LLM chatbots stringing together fragments of text they hovered up from the internet equals consciousness.

I solved today’s Collidl in four moves. (Spoiler: ¹⁷²Ba + ²²²Rn + ³H ⇒ ₁₅₉³⁹⁶UPe + 𝑛⁰) and claim naming rights for Kitbashium (Ki) to replace the placeholder name Unpentenium.

⬛⬛🟩⬛⬛
⬛⬛🟩⬛⬛
⬛🟨⬛🟨⬛
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Pro Tip: liquify your target Radon and add a little freshly ground chilli to the Barium beam!

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

@gptreb Look closely.